saying goodbye

[slovene_gds]

MM all~
I am insanely busy and I know I should do this myself, but I need to know.....well, I need advice or opinions, or whatever you may call it, on how to say goodbye to a loved one.
Dec. 14th of 2000, my grandfather died. He was more then just a grandparent, but more like my father. I lived with him and was very close to him. When he died, there was no more talk of him, no funeral, no nothing.
One of my problems is that I've never said goodbye to him. I've always felt a hole in my heart because of this. I've always regretted not saying goodbye. I've even had dreams of it, where he was in a coffin in a room, and the lights were out, and I was shouting"turn on the lights.....I want to see him, I want to say goodbye..". I knew then I should've done something, cuz that couldn't scream symbolism any louder!
I need some type of closure on this. I still cry for him, almost everyday, and I know it would help a great deal to have some kind of ritual to make my peace.
I'm so sorry for rambling on and on........someone please post up any ideas or whatever on what I should do.

BB~
Bast

[Myst]

Well. What would you do to make a ritual to say goodbye? What would be appropriate for you? What mind keys make you think of closure and goodby's? Do you want a fancy ritual or a simple one? You could just light a candle to his memory or write some words to say at your altar. No one says you have to do a big elaborate ritual that takes a lot of time.

[yemayasdaughter]

I can totally relate to how you feel. My Grandmother was my IDOL... She epitomized the term "unconditional love". She died in 1993.. two weeks before my Sweet Sixteen. And even still... I miss her love, and I miss her companionship.

You should dedicate the anniversary of his death to remember him as he was in life. Because you know, our ancestors are never gone entirely from our lives. I just have to look in the mirror to see my Grandmother's face, because I look just like her.

I think the best way to say goodbye to a deceased loved one, and to honor their memory and love at the same time, would be to right a letter to him. Just pour your heart out to him, tell him everything and anything you always wanted to say to him. Then get a helium balloon, and attach the note to it... and let it float to the heavens.

For a less ritualistic way to say goodbye... just look up to the sky and say the words. Next time its windy outside, say it to the wind... believe me. If your Grandfather was a protective Father to you in life... he is around you now, and will hear you!

[poz]

I don't say goodbye, just see you again someday.

[mato]

but why not get a small box, a picture of him perhaps a lock of his hair or a shirt sprayed with his cologne (sp?) and have your own funeral, cause thats what it sounds like you need/want. bury/burn the box, scatter or keep the ashes or some dirt that you bury him with, light a candle (or a fire depending) say a prayer some heart felt words, know that he is around you even now. Better yet celebrate his life with family (if you can, some one has to do it and some others might be feeling the same way, and it could be that no one was strong enough to say good bye and take on the responsibility of the job...) and/or friends make a wake type thing. You can alter it to full ritual with all the trimings or simple heart felt words, the important thing is to do it with love and honor.

[Fairygirl]

I think of death as just another part of life, maybe the greatest miracle of all. Death is not goodbye forever, it is just an "i'll see you soon". I am sure that wherever your grandfather is, he knows what you are feeling, and knows how deeply you love him. As for helping to ease the pain, you could put a picture of him on your altar, or when meditating try to talk to him. Sacrifice something in memory of him.
Hope this helps you.

[Adrenaline Junkie]

I would just open my mouth and start talking. The dead can hear you, you know, Just open up and blab on.

[Ari]

You might want to go hunting for a copy of "The Pagan Book of Living and Dying" by Starhawk et al, which has a bunch of prayers/ritual suggestions for the type of situation you're experiencing, as well as discussing Pagan beliefs about death and dying. Besides being very well written and researched, the book is uplifting in tone and not depressing at all. You could also set up a small shrine with objects/photos that celebrate your Grandfather's life, either as part of your regular altar or separate.

Blessings,
Ari

[Pagecrd]

A very close friend of mine passed away on april 11 1999. he was he only man i have ever truly loved and may ever truly love. When he died i went into a sor of shock. It was almost a year before i started to grieve his loss (tho my hart always ached). It began withdreams of him sortly after the birth of my last child in may of 2000. In the beginning i would have these dreams nightly. In them he was health and "alive", likehe reallywas. The first dream i had began in a park. the only person i recognized was yself. i knew i was with group of people ad we were having a conversation that was and still is very hazey. We came to a hill in the park and climbed steeply to its top. as we reached the top and strted to descend the hill i realizedthat the voice of the others began to fade and soon i was alone. I reaced the bottom of the hill and came upon a crater in the ground. It was very deep yet i could see the bottom. I climbed to the bottom of it and found the ground was covered with frits and vegetables. many of which were rotting. i could hear whispers around me and i felt cold. The whispers becae louder and soon i cul hear jacobs (thats my friend whom im speaking of) voice. he helped me climb to th top of the crater and we walke for a while sayig nothing. after a wil we sat on te side of a hill and begantalking. he told me he loves me and forgives me and things are well. looked up at the sky and saw roads that accended into the clouds. i couldnt make out exactly what traveled the roads but in my heart i knew. I woke in tears and my heart hurt more than it evr had before. The dreams continued but most were just he and i hanging out. when my son turned 4 months old jacob came to me in dream and we went "shopping". in the dream he tol e to buy my son this toy. it was a small toy with a steering wheel that lit up and played music and made car sounds. I woke up the next day and thinking nothing of the dream went grocery shopping. When i entered the grocery store, there in front of me was the very same toy. I bought it and immediately gave it to my son...from jacob of course. Jacob continued to come to me in my dreams and one day told me my son was going to start sitting in a weeks time an suggested that i buy him some more toys. a week latr my son sat aloe for the first time. Asthe dreams of jacob continued he became less and less alive and appeared to be witheing. his figure became frail and thin until eventually we said our final goodbyes. I think of jcob every day nd miss him greatly. I feel in my heart of harts that i witnesed his journey to heaven and for that i am greatful.


i ont know why i shared this story as i is very personal. but yours inspired me. I would suggest that you concentrate on yur emoions and maybe the answers ill come to you. :)

[slovene_gds]

MM~
I'm a retard. I just can't bring myself to do anything but cry because....yah, I'm a tard as previously mentioned. Any suggestion on what to do. I'm going crazy. I'm almost......afraid?.....to do it. Does this make any sense? ARG!

BB~
Bast

[Laiste]

You are most likely feeling the way you are because you can't seem to let go...mourning is a long and difficult proccess for most people. You do not need to say goodbye just find another way to communicate with your grandfather. Talk to him and tell him how you are feeling and ask for help so you can begin to let go. I went through this when my cousin died on Dec. 25, 1999...he was like my brother and I was closer to him than anyone else on this earth! For almost a year I was so distraught that I had to seek proffesional help...it was begining to affect my daily life. Finally, I had a "dream" my cousin came to me and told me that everything was ok and that he was better now (he was very ill from diabetes) he told me it was time to let him go and to know that he was still with me. From that day on I had such an incredible sense of peace and the pain was gone...the ache is still there mind you...I don't think that ever goes away. Please feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk.

You certainly are not a retard!! You are human with emotions and you feel pain it is ok to feel this way...but not for too long...you will find a way to get past this. Blessings to you.

[Twilight Garden]

Lots of great advice and options. Just remember to take your time and expect the process to take some time of it's own. Relief and release are gradual. :ack: By the way, don't make excuses for your feelings and don't be angry about them either. Your reactions are perfectly normal.