siamesegoth2
November 12th, 2005, 08:31 PM
I'm due to go to the hospital sunday afternoon, and on monday, not sure when, ill be having surgery on my foot.
This is going to involve pins, and a bone graft , to correct a congenital deformity, thats made the bone in my feet seperate, and turn inwards to the point where walking or standing for too long becomes very painfull.
An,d in truth, im scared , im boardering on hysterical, and im going to get worse, i suffer panic attacks, and that is not helping. I am terrified of being alone, of needles, and of doctors in general.
I have had this deformity in both feet all my life, and it was dicovred early this year , by a doc who looked shocked when i asked for insteps, and demanded xrays. he found the problem, when in Scotland it was over looked countless times.
Its gpoing to take 3 months to recover, and painfully at that.
I've lived with this disabiltoiy for so long, its become normal for me, the thought of having a semi normal foot, scares me, and once its over they want to do the other foot.
Im litterly sick with fear, its 2 am and i cant sleep. i feel like i want to vomit. im tempted to call off the whole damn thing, but im reminded if i dont do this ill be chair bound inside 5 years.
I've had surgery before, and it wasnt a good experiance. i gave birth to my son, and had a panic attack over the needles.
But this, *shakes head* this is different.
I have this fear that it's going to go wrong, that it will be worse than it already is. That im going to wake up on the table, and they wont notice. or that im going to die because of the anasthetic.
im 27, and im crying like a 2 year old. I dont know if i can be strong...im feeling so lost, and alone its not even funny.
my hubby is here for me, but thats about it, all my family arez back in scotland. ive called them , and they send their love, my uncle is sending healing energy.
And for all that, im feeling as tho im doign this myself.
i dont know what to do with myself right now, and im trying so hard not to have a screaming fit cum panic attack. and im failing misrably.
This is going to involve pins, and a bone graft , to correct a congenital deformity, thats made the bone in my feet seperate, and turn inwards to the point where walking or standing for too long becomes very painfull.
An,d in truth, im scared , im boardering on hysterical, and im going to get worse, i suffer panic attacks, and that is not helping. I am terrified of being alone, of needles, and of doctors in general.
I have had this deformity in both feet all my life, and it was dicovred early this year , by a doc who looked shocked when i asked for insteps, and demanded xrays. he found the problem, when in Scotland it was over looked countless times.
Its gpoing to take 3 months to recover, and painfully at that.
I've lived with this disabiltoiy for so long, its become normal for me, the thought of having a semi normal foot, scares me, and once its over they want to do the other foot.
Im litterly sick with fear, its 2 am and i cant sleep. i feel like i want to vomit. im tempted to call off the whole damn thing, but im reminded if i dont do this ill be chair bound inside 5 years.
I've had surgery before, and it wasnt a good experiance. i gave birth to my son, and had a panic attack over the needles.
But this, *shakes head* this is different.
I have this fear that it's going to go wrong, that it will be worse than it already is. That im going to wake up on the table, and they wont notice. or that im going to die because of the anasthetic.
im 27, and im crying like a 2 year old. I dont know if i can be strong...im feeling so lost, and alone its not even funny.
my hubby is here for me, but thats about it, all my family arez back in scotland. ive called them , and they send their love, my uncle is sending healing energy.
And for all that, im feeling as tho im doign this myself.
i dont know what to do with myself right now, and im trying so hard not to have a screaming fit cum panic attack. and im failing misrably.