Akeyla
November 14th, 2005, 10:50 PM
Most of you don't know me very well but if you did you would know that I rarely complain and hearing me rant and rave about something it few and far between. However I'm making an exception because this is really starting to bother me. So here's my little tale, make of it what you will and if you have any advice than feel free to give it, thanks in advance to those that do. Or if you just want to comisserate, that works too.
So here goes.
My hubby and I have been together for going on eleven years. We have two kids, the oldest is my stepson and the youngest is ours together. I quit my job to stay home and raise his son and in doing so also gave up any chance of every going to school. I try not to be bitter about this because it was my decision freely given, but sometimes I do the 'what if...' scenario and it makes me depressed. Not that I don't love my kids or anything but you know how it is.
My hubby, we'll call him Bob for now, is a very negative person, with reason as he has had a lot of bad things happen to him, but his negativity has been rubbing off on me and coming back to bite him on the butt in a lot of ways over the years. Unfortunataly my butt is usually within reach so it bounces off of him and affects me as well, not to mention the kids.
First off, Bob was in a car accident, and was off work for a number of months plus recovery time after that is still on going. He was in another accident a year after. As a result he has an abundance of anger inside him that has yet to find and escape, and yes I am usually that escape, I tend to be the punching bag for a lot of people and their negative emotions. Usually I can handle this but after ten years of it, I am getting tired of it.
A couple years ago, we had an issue with a slum landlord of ours and we are convinced that this guy lit our garage on fire to force us out. There is no proof and never will be. Suffice it to say, my husband lost most of his tools, I lost all of my christmas decorations, you know the one's I made as a kid, my borthers and sisters and my grandmother made, all those good memory ones. But mostly it was Bob's stuff. So we moved.
Now for the first five or six years together, I didn't work, I stayed home, raised the kids, yadayada. We had one low income to live off of and we did this fairly well. There were a few tights spots but luckily my mother is always there to help us out. Not so much his family, but that's another story. So I started working nights to help a little bit in covering extra items like new clothes and stuff. I loved my job, but Bob didn't like me gone from the house for so long at night, he felt 'trapped' in the home watching the kids. But I stood my ground and kept the job.
(I know this is sounding like I'm blaming him, I'm not, it just seems that he triggers these things to happen, without meaning to and I do accept partial blame for all of our big fights, after all there are two of us here.)
So once the kids started school full time, I went and got a job during the day. At first I kept my night job and I was happy. My night job was a bartender at a concert hall, very busy, lots of people to talk to, lots of fun and hard physical work. But Bob started complaining and my kids started to miss me a lot since I usually left right after supper.
I quit the night job and just concentrated on the day job. You need to understand that I didn't want to be a Teachers Assistant and I didn't want to work in a school, The only reason I took this job was for the money and benefits and stability it would create. And so that Bob would have the opportunity to find himself a better job.
This is my second year at this job, I freaking hate it. I don't want to deal with these messed up kids either, Yes I know it's rewarding and I'm helping them but frankly the problems are in their homes and I can't help them there.(again another story).
Bob has had a year and a half to look for a job and it hasn't happened. It's like he's waiting for it to fall in his lap or for someone else to find it for him,(he gets this attitude from his family). In the meantime, regardless that we are making twice what we used to, I can't seem to get ahead with the bills.
We make more money and yet we seem to have less of it at hand, there are the same bills, except and addition of a car payment, and no matter how hard I try I can't get ahead. Bob's big idea is to wait for the settlements from the accidents, but I find that unrealistic and it could be a long wait. Especially since I'm the one he expects to do all the lawyer work for him and he gets all upset when I ask for help.
I'm just fed up with it all. I finally have a chance to go to school and I can't again because Bob is being a dick and won't get himself another job. But complains daily about the one he has.
We have also been having some serious issues in our relationship that stem mostly from his depression from the accidents, which he denies, the fact that we both don't like our jobs, his anger from the accidents, and the fact that for the last two or three years, we have both contemplated leaving many times.
I'm almost ready to go, which is a really sad thought, cause I would hate to take my kids away from their dad.
So after all that, and thanks to those who read it through and stuck with me. I have no freaking clue what to do. I can't quit my job, I can't go to school, I can't get my old job back because Bob would freak out if I'm away from the home for that long. I feel like I have no control over my life. I started to do yoga and chakra work as well as looking into and beginning to practise witchcraft and he is always on me about how stupid he thinks it all is. He says he's open minded and then throws all this Christian crap at me that he then denies believing in moments later. WTF am I supposed to do here.
The thing is I have no where else to go. I could go stay with my mom but that's out of town and I would be driving in everyday to go to work and take the kids to school, not to mention swimming lessons and all that stuff. Plus, I can't stand my stepdad for long periods of time, lol. I don't make enough money to live on my own and raise two kids. I am just feeling very lost and confused and very depressed and I can't seem to find my way out.
I'm gonna stop now before this ends up being a never ending rant. See this is why I don't rant very often, I can't stop once I start, lol.
PM if you read this, please don't mention it in any of our chat's, you know why, thanks a bunch.
So here goes.
My hubby and I have been together for going on eleven years. We have two kids, the oldest is my stepson and the youngest is ours together. I quit my job to stay home and raise his son and in doing so also gave up any chance of every going to school. I try not to be bitter about this because it was my decision freely given, but sometimes I do the 'what if...' scenario and it makes me depressed. Not that I don't love my kids or anything but you know how it is.
My hubby, we'll call him Bob for now, is a very negative person, with reason as he has had a lot of bad things happen to him, but his negativity has been rubbing off on me and coming back to bite him on the butt in a lot of ways over the years. Unfortunataly my butt is usually within reach so it bounces off of him and affects me as well, not to mention the kids.
First off, Bob was in a car accident, and was off work for a number of months plus recovery time after that is still on going. He was in another accident a year after. As a result he has an abundance of anger inside him that has yet to find and escape, and yes I am usually that escape, I tend to be the punching bag for a lot of people and their negative emotions. Usually I can handle this but after ten years of it, I am getting tired of it.
A couple years ago, we had an issue with a slum landlord of ours and we are convinced that this guy lit our garage on fire to force us out. There is no proof and never will be. Suffice it to say, my husband lost most of his tools, I lost all of my christmas decorations, you know the one's I made as a kid, my borthers and sisters and my grandmother made, all those good memory ones. But mostly it was Bob's stuff. So we moved.
Now for the first five or six years together, I didn't work, I stayed home, raised the kids, yadayada. We had one low income to live off of and we did this fairly well. There were a few tights spots but luckily my mother is always there to help us out. Not so much his family, but that's another story. So I started working nights to help a little bit in covering extra items like new clothes and stuff. I loved my job, but Bob didn't like me gone from the house for so long at night, he felt 'trapped' in the home watching the kids. But I stood my ground and kept the job.
(I know this is sounding like I'm blaming him, I'm not, it just seems that he triggers these things to happen, without meaning to and I do accept partial blame for all of our big fights, after all there are two of us here.)
So once the kids started school full time, I went and got a job during the day. At first I kept my night job and I was happy. My night job was a bartender at a concert hall, very busy, lots of people to talk to, lots of fun and hard physical work. But Bob started complaining and my kids started to miss me a lot since I usually left right after supper.
I quit the night job and just concentrated on the day job. You need to understand that I didn't want to be a Teachers Assistant and I didn't want to work in a school, The only reason I took this job was for the money and benefits and stability it would create. And so that Bob would have the opportunity to find himself a better job.
This is my second year at this job, I freaking hate it. I don't want to deal with these messed up kids either, Yes I know it's rewarding and I'm helping them but frankly the problems are in their homes and I can't help them there.(again another story).
Bob has had a year and a half to look for a job and it hasn't happened. It's like he's waiting for it to fall in his lap or for someone else to find it for him,(he gets this attitude from his family). In the meantime, regardless that we are making twice what we used to, I can't seem to get ahead with the bills.
We make more money and yet we seem to have less of it at hand, there are the same bills, except and addition of a car payment, and no matter how hard I try I can't get ahead. Bob's big idea is to wait for the settlements from the accidents, but I find that unrealistic and it could be a long wait. Especially since I'm the one he expects to do all the lawyer work for him and he gets all upset when I ask for help.
I'm just fed up with it all. I finally have a chance to go to school and I can't again because Bob is being a dick and won't get himself another job. But complains daily about the one he has.
We have also been having some serious issues in our relationship that stem mostly from his depression from the accidents, which he denies, the fact that we both don't like our jobs, his anger from the accidents, and the fact that for the last two or three years, we have both contemplated leaving many times.
I'm almost ready to go, which is a really sad thought, cause I would hate to take my kids away from their dad.
So after all that, and thanks to those who read it through and stuck with me. I have no freaking clue what to do. I can't quit my job, I can't go to school, I can't get my old job back because Bob would freak out if I'm away from the home for that long. I feel like I have no control over my life. I started to do yoga and chakra work as well as looking into and beginning to practise witchcraft and he is always on me about how stupid he thinks it all is. He says he's open minded and then throws all this Christian crap at me that he then denies believing in moments later. WTF am I supposed to do here.
The thing is I have no where else to go. I could go stay with my mom but that's out of town and I would be driving in everyday to go to work and take the kids to school, not to mention swimming lessons and all that stuff. Plus, I can't stand my stepdad for long periods of time, lol. I don't make enough money to live on my own and raise two kids. I am just feeling very lost and confused and very depressed and I can't seem to find my way out.
I'm gonna stop now before this ends up being a never ending rant. See this is why I don't rant very often, I can't stop once I start, lol.
PM if you read this, please don't mention it in any of our chat's, you know why, thanks a bunch.