how to clear/heal after violence?

[mandalamama]

i desparately need help with healing from violence :(

long story short, my husband attacked me last Wednesday, it wasn't the first time, but this time i called 911, and he was arrested. he's living elsewhere now. i have a protective order, stronger than a restraining order, so i've chosen to stay at home with my baby. so now i need to heal myself physically, but my main worry is my babe's emotional well-being. she was in my arms when it happened, and it happened in the bedroom. we're a co-sleeping family, so it happened near/on the family bed, and her sleep has been disturbed - it's like night terrors, she wakes up crying and thrashing, then falls back into an uneasy sleep. she used to look forward to naps and sleep, now she's very troubled.

also, i don't feel safe even when i lock the doors. i live in a big old Victorian house, on the bottom floor. there are 4 doors entering into my apartment! 2 directly from outside, and 2 from hallways. there are 16 windows. every room has at least 2 doors into it, the bedroom has 3.

i really need help here!! how can i clear my house, and also try to form a circle of protection all around it?

my injury is a torn rotor cuff and a nerve impingement in my left shoulder, a sprained back, sprained left knee and my sciatica has come back with a vengeance. i already have fibromyalgia and arthritis, so my goal right now is to heal from the injuries without undoing all my careful work i've done for balance and stability. (i do a lot of yoga and gentle stretching and strengthening exercises.)

i think i also need to clear the car ... my husband drove very angrily for weeks before this happened, had a few near-accidents ... when i got behind the wheel for the first time and touched it, i could *feel* his anger!

here are the tools i have to work with: i have smudgeing sage somewhere, not sure where to find it (it's in his box of supplies). but i do have handy: sage, cinnamon, dragon's blood, ylang-ylang and lavender oils ... candles - white, black, red, pink, lavender, peach ... crystals - amethyst, rose quarts, quartz points ... and a large lapis lazuli stone. i have sea salt, and water of course. i also have a small besom, and a large househould corn broom. i also have most of the normal kitchen herbs, and a catnip plant. i only have a basic knowledge of kitchen witchery type stuff. i've put drops of sage oil at each doorway and window already, but i still don't feel safe.

please, any advice is appreciated! and of course prayers and energy light, my daughter can use it. she's so precious, only 13 months old, her eyes are so wise and i can't stand to see her troubled by her own home :( i want us both to feel safe and protected again. thank you!!

[tarotgirljess]

I had to think about this for a second before i thought of my answer. First of I am so very sorry that you are going through this. And give extra cuddles to the little one. Talk to her. tell her that you love her and it'll all be ok.
Here's what you are going to do. you are goiing to clean the house, you are going to burn your sage stick. then you are going to imagine The white light creating a bubble around your home and everyone currently in it. Then you are going to rearrange the furniture. yup the furniture. This is something i did when me and the ex broke up i was afraid he was going to come back into the house. so i rearranged everything. I knew that if i did that i would hear him coming and have extra time to get out.no sense making it easy for him to find me.
The other thing you are going to do if it's possble is to change bedrooms. I got the impression there is definatly more than one bedroom in this house. Pick one. move your stuff ect. It is in crude terms like a dog peeing on the mailbox. you are marking this room as yours, this isn't shared space with the S2BX You and your daughters safe zone. You will not have it look the same as the 'family' bedroom Your touch, comfort and safety for you and the lil one is the feeling that will eminate from this room. If you are unable to move the furniture yourself you will ask OUT LOUD to your Angel/ or Diety of your choice to send someone to help you move furniture. Ask your Angels to gaurd you while you and your daughter sleep. All will be well
Jess

of course you don't HAVE to do any of these things. Lol

[Aleannah]

the other thing you could do with your smudgestick is to go around to all the entrances to your home (windows included) and basically say that nothing negative or harmful can enter...sort of like casting a circle inside your house. If you need a specific spell, pm me and I will get it to you.

In the meantime, I send you healing and protection :hugz:

[mandalamama]

thank you both! does smudging with sage also work on protecting people? i want to help both my daughter and i feel safer, i can talk a lot to myself and to her about it, but i'm a very visual and tactual person so i think that's why i respond to Pagan things, i love seeing and feeling the tools because then i can visualize more strongly.

[dragonprincess]

Aside from your materials, what do you prescribe to? For instance Juno may be invoked for safety and healing from abuse. Her temples in ancient times were used as shelter for abused wives.
You can talk to her by burning oriis root and offerieng her a single beautiful rose.
I agree wth waht's been said about the physical things people are suggesting, and the cleansing and smudging. If you need any more spell help, feel free to PM me.

[Astara Seague]

Aside from your materials, what do you prescribe to? For instance Juno may be invoked for safety and healing from abuse. Her temples in ancient times were used as shelter for abused wives.
You can talk to her by burning oriis root and offerieng her a single beautiful rose.
I agree wth waht's been said about the physical things people are suggesting, and the cleansing and smudging. If you need any more spell help, feel free to PM me.
Juno is a great idea I have a few spells that may help too :)

[mandalamama]

Kuan Yin is very special, for both of us. I haven't studied the other pantheons well enough yet to know who is who yet, although for some reason Hecate comes to mind. My spirit guide is the raven, well, a whole parliament of ravens (still not sure what that means, i'm learning).

i can't find the sage smudge-stick! but i do have a few leaves of dried sage in the kitchen, i can make a tiny one of my own.

what color of candle is good for dispelling negativity or clearning energy? i have a LOT of candles, i can burn them safely away from baby.

[TaysatWesir]

sending you and your daughter protection energy :hugz:

[aluokaloo]

Kuan Yin is very special, for both of us. I haven't studied the other pantheons well enough yet to know who is who yet, although for some reason Hecate comes to mind. My spirit guide is the raven, well, a whole parliament of ravens (still not sure what that means, i'm learning).

i can't find the sage smudge-stick! but i do have a few leaves of dried sage in the kitchen, i can make a tiny one of my own.

what color of candle is good for dispelling negativity or clearning energy? i have a LOT of candles, i can burn them safely away from baby.



sending protection to your and your little one, I am sorry that you both had to go through this. this guy is a piece of ****! She is a little angel! Kuan Yin as you already know, protects children especially, and sends Her mercy to all. Black is excellent for banishing negativity, red for protection the house ward is an excellent idea, and so is moving to a different room, and moving around the furniture. Frankincense and Myrrh are good for clearing all engies. Ask your spirit guides and your Gods to protect You and your daughter from harm, and also get a alarm system so that you can be alerted if he tries to break in,and you can also ask your neighbors to keep an extra eye out. I am glad you two got out of such a horrible situation

[sari0009]

His attack puts him in the highest risk group. Continue any contact with him and his type goes in a cycle of violence (nice nasty nice nasty) but escalates over time. There should be only lawyers/courts and others between you.

Attacking you while the baby was in your arms or next to you is common, unfortunately. I remember one attack in which I was holding our first child, he hit me, sending my tooth/teeth through my lower lip, and blood sprayed the wall.

That was 23 years ago ... seems like lifetimes away. I'm cautious/careful but refuse to live in fear. Too much fear and emotional confusion attracts his kind and undoes or eats away at clearing and protective measures.

The fear after locking doors? It does go away after a while with the clearing, protective measures, and positive self-talk.

Once you've cleared the house and the car, don't forget to clear yourself so you don't carry it with you untransformed. This most work on for not weeks but years (the healing, empowerment, learning, and transformation of thought patterns).

Your baby not only sensed the violence when it happened but she can sense it's aftermath in you now, as you carry tension and worry. That too can be a tragedy and injury to your family, only you do have control and choice regarding it.

[sari0009]

You've seen my blog before. Should you be interested now or in the future, my Nov. 1 entry from this year has mucho links (if you scroll down) on what you're dealing with. They were gathered years ago so some admittedly are not working anymore but the titles for the links and the links that are still up will do quite well for you if you work magic and mundane with them.

[mandalamama]

thank you sari, that is a lot of good reading and a lot of good links!

i did a clearing/cleansing today, the High Priestess from our Pagan church called to advise me the other night. since it was the waning part of the full moon, she said that should help dispel negativity away. i saged the bedroom (where it happened) plus the whole house, i burned a black candle, i sprinkled water and sea salt into all of the corners, doorways and windows. i invited positive energy in, and asked negative energy to please leave (i left a window open). the babe was much calmer today, and she went right to bed tonight! she's sleeping soundly so far. so, i am off to bed myself now. just wanted to stop in and thank everyone for your support and advice. surely your positive energy must be helping! {{{hugs}}}

[Teresa]

Big Hugs! I have been in your shoes and have now been on a 7 year long healing journey from it. Sending You energies! If you need to talk feel free to give me a PM!:huddle: :huddle: :huddle: :huddle: :huddle: :huddle: :huddle: :huddle: I can tell you some of the things I did to start my healing journey if you are interested.

[sari0009]

That's so good to hear your little one is calmer and that all the info, support, and clearing work is starting to take hold. You've always got people to talk to about it here and I'm glad you have someone there too. Hugs!

[Willow Rosette]

Im so sorry you had to go through this. It sounds like you have the strength and courage to make it through such a difficult time. Im deffinately sending positive calming energy to both you and your daughter. I have found our nightly rituals help calm my daughter. She is older now but even when she was small I still held her and let her be part of the nightly ritual. It has always made both of us sleep better and I notice on the nights we forget we both toss and turn all night. It is just an idea. Lighting a white candel and focusing on the flame helps me to cleanse my self. I use an old house cleansing ritual and use it for my self imagining the black/ negative leving and the white/light comming in saying "Out with the negative, Never to return...In with the positivem, with no concern". If you ever need to talk to a single mom feel free to pm me. Im always free to chat.