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View Full Version : In severe need of good thoughts and energy please



WinterHeart
January 13th, 2008, 10:35 AM
My life has hit rock bottom and I feel very trapped, alone, and don't know how to deal with it.

It all started back in October when my dad decided he wanted to leave my mother and I because he did not want to care for her anymore, she has MS and diabetes which have caused her to be legally blind and wheelchair bound. He himself hasa bleeding ulcer in his stomach but he still lifts heavy objects and generally disregards what doctors suggest him to do. I am 26 but still live with my parents because I feel they need my help but I work at least 40 hours a week so I am not here to care for every little thing they need unfortunately.

About a week after my dad tore me apart by saying he wanted to leave he was hit in the face by a horse that was rearing up, it fractured his skull in 3 places and crushed his sinus bones in. He made it through surgery and everything fine and was back up on his feet the very next day. The kicker for me is that no one called me or my mother when he got hurt, I found out by calling him because I had a question from my work that I needed help with and he informed me that he was in the hospital but everything was fine and he wasnt hurt too bad. Of course when I called the hospital they told me there were 3 fractures and possible brain damage and that I needed to get myself and my mother there as quick as possible because it was serious and he was going to have to be rushed to a larger hospital in an ambulance as soon as he was stable enough. My dad had his cellphone, the owner of ther farm had hers and so did the horse trainer, someone should have called me to let me know something was up.

After his injury the doctor put him on Oxycodone, this too has changed him and made him very hateful and verbally abusive. One night last month he stayed gone 4 hours after he should have been home from work and when I called to check to make sure he was ok he ignored his phone and didnt answer but when he got home that night he slammed doors, yelled and screamed and then proceeded to break everything in our dining room he could get his hands on one thing at a time and then went after our glass cabinets and anything he could find that was my grandmothers because he knows her things are very special to my mom. I called the cops that night and they came and took pictures of all the damage and talked with us, dad was still in a foul mood and ran his mouth to them as well so they took him and he spent the night in jail. The next few days he cried and said he wanted to be with mom and I and be a family again but a week later he was back to being hateful again. We have to go to court because of his actions later this month and I dont know how I will handle it because I was raped by a friend when I was 15 and I cant stand being in courtrooms because it brings all those old memories back.

I am also having trouble with my land lord(she is the one that owns the horses my dad works with) and the horse trainer, they call my dads cellphone and leave nasty messages about how rude my mom and I to them which is not true. My land lord calls my mom alot and tells her that we dont appreciate my dad and dont deserve to have him with us. I have listened to the things she has said to my mom on our second phone while they talk and it is hard for me to handle.

My dad stays at work for 10-12 hours at a time 6 days a week and then goes back for about 8 more hours on sundays. I really think there is more than just work going on over the and they hurts me very much but when I ask him whats going on he says nothing that they are just working with the horses. I want to buy a house if I can get approved for a loan and have asked him if he would come with me so he, mom, and I can start over and be a family again but he says he wont leave his job. He has no real benefits, no insurance, no vacation time, so it's difficult for me to try to pinpoint what his issue is.

Also I am having trouble with harassment from coworkers at the factory where I work, on guy made comments to some of the people working on the floor about how he would like to see me in my panties and other rude things and one of my team leaders is just a jerk, constantly telling me to 'f**k off' and 'f**k you' and finding every little way he can upset me and make me look bad. I've talked to my manager and he says "oh well, he's having a bad time at home just look past him" but that is no excuse, I'm not having a good time at home either but I dont take it out on everyone else. I have been to HR 4 times in the last 3 months but nothing has been done yet.

I feel nervous and upset all the time, I don't remember the last day when I was able to go all day and night without crying. I've been feeling really sick and went to the doctor last saturday and found out I have a bad kidney infection and a bacterial infection in my stomach and intestines. I've finished off my antibiotics and feel somewhat better but I feel so trapped. If anyone has any suggests on how to deal with these things please share them with me.

Thankyou very much

1111
January 13th, 2008, 11:21 AM
:hugz:

Lunacie
January 13th, 2008, 07:03 PM
Oh my gosh, that's a buttload of negativity to deal with.

Brain injuries sometimes cause personality changes, especially anger and rage. Your dad should be getting some counseling or therapy.

I think you may have to go over your manager's head to get anywhere with stopping the harassment. I'm pretty sure there is a government agency that you can appeal to when the company refuses to do anything to stop harassment.

Hugs and positive energies for your life to start getting better. :hugz:

Merrilyn
January 13th, 2008, 07:08 PM
What an awful lot to be on your shoulders! Many would have already buckled under such pressure...it's okay to feel lost and trapped. :hugz:

Every one of us is different and process things in different ways. Have you attained any outside help? For you? For your Mom? Counseling? Anything? Please don't be afraid to ask for help when it's needed..that's number one!

I wish you strength and perseverance.. You are stronger than you know, and bad times never last forever.

Blessings.

gentle_rains
January 13th, 2008, 10:12 PM
You have quite a lot on your shoulders and I will be sending positive healing energy your way. :hugz:

Brightshores
January 14th, 2008, 07:37 AM
:hugz: May positive things start happening for you, and may all the negativity wash away.

Philosophia
January 14th, 2008, 08:28 AM
Sending positive and comforting energy to you and family! :hugz:

DreamSpell333
January 14th, 2008, 09:14 AM
Sorry things are the way there are. I hope things get better for you. :hugz:

yarrow_elfglow
January 14th, 2008, 02:23 PM
:hugz: sending postive energy your way! :hugz:

Petunia
January 14th, 2008, 04:02 PM
http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x57/the_sprite/hugs.png

WinterHeart
January 14th, 2008, 04:38 PM
Thank you all so much.

The only outside help I've gotten is from the HR dept. and my asst. manager where I work, they let me come in and talk about my work issues as well as my home issues. It feels good to have someone to talk to but they don't always understand where I'm coming from.

I've suggested going back to the dr. or getting some therapy to my dad about his problems but he swears up and down that he is fine. He had himself released from his doctors orders by telling the doctor that he had no pain at all but he tells me it hurts constantly and that he cant see very well out of his left eye anymore.

And I worry so much about my mom because I am afraid she will have a stroke or a heart attack and I wont be here to help her.

Today when I got to work someone had taken the small gifts that other coworkers had given me that I had taped around my comp. monitor and all the pencils and ink pens in my desk were gone. These head games my team leader likes to play to see how far he can push me are really getting the best of me and unfortunately for my I am a very sensitive person who tries to avoid conflict at all costs and I know if I confront him about taking the things from my desk he'll just yell at me and cuss me and I'll break down and cry in front of everybody. Last Wednesday was my bday and he made it a point to give me a good yelling at and threatened to fire me in front of alot of people.

Huasteca Raven
January 14th, 2008, 06:24 PM
Will be sending you positive energy and a long hard sister hug.

WinterHeart
January 14th, 2008, 10:17 PM
It's gotten worse, my dad didnt come home tonight so mom and I drove over to the barn to make sure he was ok, and the poop really hit the fan so to speak. My landlord/his boss took off running and he got in his truck and drove off. That is extremely odd if you ask me, but to make a long story short my landlord called the cops because we were on her property (our house is on the farm too so technically we were always on her property) and is threatening to have my mom arrested for terroristic threatening which is utter B.S. because my mom is legally blind and wheelchair bound, she probably couldnt hurt someone even if she really wanted to. And she has hit us both with restraining orders because she was "scared for her life" and thought we had guns. So mom and I have about 3 days to find a place to live. I'm taking half a day off from work wednesday and going t othe real estate place, I pray that they can help me.

I also found out that the night my dad and our landlord went to Indiana together to pick up furniture her husband knew nothing about so he is pretty mad at all the secrets and lies that are floating around too. It's one big mess. And to top it off I just found out my dad and our landlord have been calling my aunt and cousin to try to cause trouble between all of us.

Teresa
January 14th, 2008, 11:09 PM
:hugz:

Lunacie
January 15th, 2008, 09:20 AM
Sorry to say this, but I think you need to write your father out of your lives.

I can understand that your dad changed after he got kicked in the head by the horse and began taking the medication. But what kind of an excuse does your landlady have? She sounds like a paranoid nutcase. Gah. You don't need her in your lives either.

WinterHeart
January 19th, 2008, 09:50 AM
Yes, Lunacie our landlady is a paranoid nutcase and has made our lives miserable ever since we moved here. She thinks everyone one is out for her money and her horses. I can't wait to get far away from her.

The good news is that I found a place that I would like to have, it has 5 acres with it so I'll be able to keep all my animals.

The bad news is that I have no credit at all so Im going to have to sign up for a credit card and build points so I can get the loan to buy the house. Im hoping that the people who own it right now will let me rent it until the loan goes through so I can buy it. It's always something. I signed up for a Lowe's card but was rejected because I have no credit history. I hope there is one out there that will give me a chance.

Another thing about that house is that there is an old cemetery behind it, the graves are from the 1800's and early 1900's. Kinda creepy but something attracts me to it and makes me want to clean it up and make it nice again.

Lunacie
January 19th, 2008, 11:05 AM
That would be great if you could rent, and maybe even apply the rent towards purchase. Sounds like a great place. I love prowling through old graveyards and reading the tombstones. It's fun to make rubbings of them too.

Something I just don't understand is that you have to borrow money to build up a credit rating. Seems like being able to "pay as you go" would say something just as good about your character as paying back a loan. I convinced my ex to go without a loan for as long as possible, other than the loan to buy the house. But money was really tight for us and we had to borrow for other things. But I convinced him to stay away from credit cards until about a year before I kicked him out of the house. In fact, I didn't find out about the credit card debt until I filed for divorce a few years later, and by then he was having to file for brankruptcy. His mistress convinced him that credit cards were lovely, her ex used and abused them.

So my advice continues to be: take out a loan if you really need to, it will help establish your credit history. But don't take out a credit card, and if you do, never-ever take out a second card to pay off the first one.

la tortuga
January 19th, 2008, 01:13 PM
Sorry to say this, but I think you need to write your father out of your lives.

I can understand that your dad changed after he got kicked in the head by the horse and began taking the medication. But what kind of an excuse does your landlady have? She sounds like a paranoid nutcase. Gah. You don't need her in your lives either.

To me, sad to say, it sounds like there's something up with landlord lady and dad.

That's all I'm going to say on that.

Definitely need to leave dad behind, he's causing nothing but a fuss and it's not worth it.

About work: Report him OR get a new job. If you get a new job, don't list him as a reference, or list the hr or someone else who has taken your side instead. There are government agencies you can report him to and it leads to an investigation, etc. Remember you're a better person. You're having troubles at home but you're not rearing your ugly head, but he is.

:hugz: ^ 9203842309842082 because I know you really really need them.

alwaysfallingup
January 19th, 2008, 03:31 PM
I'm so sorry things are so hard right now! I, too, think that Dad needs to be left out because he is toxic to your family's well-being right now. The issues with your Dad and his employer seem to go well beyond your typical work situation, and it's made life miserable for you. When he's willing to let his work and employer make his child and wife suffer, it's gone way beyond normal or acceptable.

I think you might want to consider calling your local community action agency or your mom's medical provider and see about respite care for her, so that you are able to get some time to yourself to heal and destress...her insurance or disability may cover it, or some agencies provide it for free through grants. You have been doing an amazing job holding things together...just try to find some time for yourself to keep yourself sane. We'll all be thinking of you. Let us know how things go!

~Alisha~

Treegoddess
January 19th, 2008, 05:56 PM
Sending you good thoughts and energy to make it through this time. I know you will find a place and be free of this! :hug

Amilee
January 19th, 2008, 06:25 PM
:hugz: Goodness, sounds like you're having a very rough time. I'm so proud of you for being so strong so far and that's the most you can do. Do try to be more than that, you'll just burn yourself out.

Support, love and comfort no matter what. :hugz:

I'm sending you lots of calming energy!

WinterHeart
January 24th, 2008, 08:36 PM
Tomorrow is my big real estate day, I get to find out whether or not I can buy the house I've been looking at. I really hope that I can because I think getting away and having some positive change in my life would be really good for me and my family. I'm so nervous about it though my stomach is upset because I have crappy luck and when I get excited about things usually the opposite happens and I get really bummed out and hurt. I hope the best for myself and hope every thing is ok. Thankyou all so much for the warm thoughts, energy, and giving me a place to talk about my problems.

WinterHeart
February 7th, 2008, 04:30 PM
I wasnt able to get that house, the loan didnt go through because I have no credit :(

I'm still gonna keep trying though, maybe as it gets closer to spring more places will come up for sale. I found a place that helps first time buyers with low or no credit a couple days ago, but so far their phone is always busy.

As far as my situation at work it's stressing me out, my team leader is still being a jerk and I have been back to HR about it and their excuse for not doing anything to him yet is that they have been "too busy". I guess I just gotta wait and see...