So, I need advice... or an opinion

[Cake-eating_Moth]

I've slacked off for the last - I don't know HOW long.... a year, two years - okay, a LONG time, on meditating or getting into a deeper sense of consciousness.

I've been more and more leery to do so, however. Each time I've tried to go into meditation or even if I close my eyes when listening to binaural beats, I see things - at first they're good, possibly about little children - or about innocent things, but a few seconds later they morph into HORRIBLE images. They are similar to images/hallucinations that I would see when I was sleep deprived while going to school (mind you, it was a constant sleep deprivation - didn't have time to sleep in on weekends, either). Back then, I could just blink my eyes for a few seconds too long and these images would occur, practically startling me into paying attention in class.

I get enough sleep though now. The visions are awful. And honestly, sometimes they are so horrible that they make me jump out of my meditative awareness (imagine trying to fall asleep and you get that 'instant falling' feeling, that feels extremely physical - it feels like that but almost like you're falling out of yourself.)

Does anyone know what to do with this?? It's not like I'm afraid of the dark, or of silence, or of "facing my fears" - or maybe it is - I don't know. Nevertheless, seeing a childs face morph into a twisted, bones jutting out, bloody grinning pulp or a laughter that turns into a horrifying screech doesn't bode well with me. Or seeing a doll being hung on a rope, slowly rotating. Or ... whatever horrifying thing my mind happens to come up with at the moment.

When I was younger, I never had these problems. It's not like I'm overly stressed out, though, either. I don't WATCH anything scary. I've tried to look this up, but it doesn't seem like anyone else has these problems. I've been quite frustrated over it for a while now. Can ANYONE tell me what they think might be going on, or possible ways to tame this?

[sleeping]

im sorry to hear about the problems you're having, firstly. This kind of thing can be very hard to deal with..

when closing my eyes for sleep, or just for an extended time, i sometimes get uncomfortable or disturbing images, too, but i unfortunately haven't found a definite solution..
i have a lot of problems with my mind running away with me and going places that i'd rather not go at all..

if i can ask, what are the rhythms you're speaking about? is it a heartbeat sound, or some kind of sound wave? is it possible that this might be causing part of it?

Even if a sound is supposed to be calming or relaxing, it can sometimes make ones skin crawl for no particular reason. Certain sounds or the look of certain things can just be disturbing, again for no reason. i'm not sure what the rhythm is, but i wonder if that could be part of the problem..
i think that people have certain things that harmonize, and certain things that clash with whatever is coming off of them, be it aura, or energy, or personal vibrations, or anything. Maybe that has something to do with it.

it sounds like your mind might be running away with you, too, which is really hard to stop, and again i'm not sure what to suggest on part of that..

do you work with stones at all?.. Some stones might help you. Maybe hematite, tigers eye, or jasper for grounding, and quartz or moonstone (i'd think moonstone, quartz is too buzzy sometimes) to keep you open as well. Some other stones could be amethyst, or fluorite on the lighter end, and possibly smoky quartz, or a nice garnet stone for grounding and to protect you, or help you feel safe.
Somehow, i feel like a stone that isn't too heavy feeling would help, and one that isn't too open or 'airy/flighty', because those are extremes, and might not mix well together. This is just based on what i feel about said stones.

i'd think that it would provide a balanced place to lay, and try to keep yourself calm. Even if the properties of the stones don't help, per se, i find that just holding a cool stone, or stroking it can keep your mind occupied enough to remind you of where you are, or keep you connected to your outside self while you're going about your thoughts and meditating. It could also give you something to concentrate on.

Some different scents could help, too, or just small things like that to keep a string of sorts, to keep you anchored.

i hope you figure something out, Moth. Take care ♥

[Astara Seague]

very good sleeping..my other suggestion would be to make sure you ground and center before you try to go in a meditive state

I have noticed if I dont I end up with some pretty weird things going on too

also maybe you should cast a protective circle to help keep the disturbances out

[Beemer_Man_Wong]

Have you tried meditation that focuses on your breath?

Also, many meditation systems recommend keeping the eyes slightly open while meditating, rather than closed all the way. Allow the eyelids to relax but stay open.

In the Buddhist tradition, meditation consists of two parts, stopping, and looking deeply. You stop, focus on something, your body, breathing, a feeling, other mental formations. You recognize and care for whatever the focus of your consciousness is, allowing it to arise and cease on its own. Once you are holding your formation, you look deeply to find the source of it in this focused concentration, cutting through any shallow observations you might have. Once you have found the real source of the formation, you recognize, and allow the formation to pass as it will. Many time, just understanding where our mental formations come from allows us to let them go.

Another think I would suggest is meditating in silence, without music, or in a quiet setting. I find that rather than aiding with the meditative process, chanting, drumbeats, music and other sensory imputs distract and make the practice harder rather than help. I've been told its like starting on a long journey but shooting yourself in the foot before your first step.

I see you are suffering deeply from these halucinations. The mind fights against the true reality of things, the nature of impermanence and codependent arising. Meditation can be the gateway to understanding these things, but fear, of reality, of the true nature of existence, can cause these things to arise. The story of Mara tempting the Buddha near the moment of his enlightenment is an allegory for the formations of the mind that occur due to adversion, greed and delusion.

I don't know if any of that will help.

[)O( ~ Khara~ )O(]

Another thought is guided meditation. There are CDs and such available that will lead you through specific steps. These are not only for beginners, but those experienced in meditation as well. I have one I use when I cam just over tired or wired and it really helps.

[Xentor]

My path teaches, that when you open your eyes to look out, other beings open theirs to look in. The more powerful you get, the more eager they get. For this, we suggest learning a decent shielding mechanism before trying to meditate, and meditating under guide of an experienced coach who can step in in case of need.

[Beemer_Man_Wong]

My path teaches, that when you open your eyes to look out, other beings open theirs to look in. The more powerful you get, the more eager they get. For this, we suggest learning a decent shielding mechanism before trying to meditate, and meditating under guide of an experienced coach who can step in in case of need.


Or, as someone in my tradition might say, that when you become more aware of your inner demons, your deep set mental formations, the ones that cause you the most suffering, they become more apparent. This awareness may other formations like fear and anger. You have to be careful and mindful of what is going on or it will lead to more suffering. Working with someone experienced in meditation is always a good tip.