Sobriety

[greenwitch]

This request isn't for myself, but for a dear friend....


One of my closest friends, well, the closest that I have, has a sobriety problem.
He never knows when to stop. Sure a couple beers or a glass of wine or two, no problem. But then a couple turns into a dozen, and then some.


He suffers greatly from depression, but refuses any kind of treatment. So of course, once inebriated, he is at risk to himself, he enjoys self injury, and runs from anyone attempting to help him.


Last night, my SO was driving him home, my friend faked getting sick in the car so he would pull over and let him out. Next thing you know, my dear friend is running opposite the car.

He still hasn't come home.

I'm planning on sitting him down, possibly getting him to some AA meetings, if he ever turns up. I'm really really worried. I left work early last night [I work night shift] so I could try and find him.... with any luck he got picked up by the police and is safe and sobering up at the sheriff's department. right now that would be the best thing.


Please, the last thing any of us want is for my dear friend to drink himself into oblivion. Currently though, we're just hoping he's still alive.



if anyone can spare any energy at all that he comes home safely...... I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[Cunae]

My friend, I really feel for you... it's beautiful that you love him the way that you do. So many friends disappear from the alchoholic's life, pushed away by the insanity. Who can blame them?

I know because I am a recovering alcoholic. That in no way makes me an expert but I can speak from experience. I think it's too late for some AA meetings. Your friend needs an intervention, a confrontational meeting of his friends and family to lay it on the line. The time has come to tell him what the consequences will be if he doesn't go to treatment, at least 60-90 days at a certified alcohol treatment facility. The time has come, clearly, to give him the most powerful alternative any alcoholic can be given: sobriety or consequences.

This means his friends and family tell him that if he does not take the treatment alternative, their enabling behavior will cease. Friendship and association will cease. Love will never cease but you guys trying to take care of him while he keeps drinking WILL. Sounds cruel... it's just the tough approach we alcoholics NEED.

If you can, talk to someone who can professionally assist you with the intervention. Call any treatment facility or mental health associations in your area. If you want to start with the basics, call AA and start your search there. I guarantee they'll know some names!

I wish you love and hope. Dealing with an active alchoholic is the most emotionally painful thing a person may have to do in life. But if you don't, he will die. He will die a horrible death by any number of physical ailments created by alcohol or he will die in an alcohol induced accident, possibly killing someone else too. Whatever it is, HE WILL DIE if you don't do this now.


CC

[greenwitch]

My friend, I really feel for you... it's beautiful that you love him the way that you do. So many friends disappear from the alchoholic's life, pushed away by the insanity. Who can blame them?

I know because I am a recovering alcoholic. That in no way makes me an expert but I can speak from experience. I think it's too late for some AA meetings. Your friend needs an intervention, a confrontational meeting of his friends and family to lay it on the line. The time has come to tell him what the consequences will be if he doesn't go to treatment, at least 60-90 days at a certified alcohol treatment facility. The time has come, clearly, to give him the most powerful alternative any alcoholic can be given: sobriety or consequences.

This means his friends and family tell him that if he does not take the treatment alternative, their enabling behavior will cease. Friendship and association will cease. Love will never cease but you guys trying to take care of him while he keeps drinking WILL. Sounds cruel... it's just the tough approach we alcoholics NEED.

If you can, talk to someone who can professionally assist you with the intervention. Call any treatment facility or mental health associations in your area. If you want to start with the basics, call AA and start your search there. I guarantee they'll know some names!

I wish you love and hope. Dealing with an active alchoholic is the most emotionally painful thing a person may have to do in life. But if you don't, he will die. He will die a horrible death by any number of physical ailments created by alcohol or he will die in an alcohol induced accident, possibly killing someone else too. Whatever it is, HE WILL DIE if you don't do this now.


CC




Thank you so much. the one conflict:

my friend has already spent over a year in a rehabilitation program for attempting suicide via pills and alcohol. he spent 6 months in a mental institution before rehab on a suicide watch program.

Part of me feels like it's too much too late and there's nothing I can do. It's like every step he takes towards finding a good ground, some balance, he falls. it's comparable to falling down 6 flights of cement stairs on your face.


I called the sheriff's department. He was arrested last night for criminal trespassing, and being drunk in public, and being a minor, drunk in public.
so... I'm hoping with all my heart that he wakes up a bit. If he doesnt, he'll be the kid I knew, the really kick ass kid I knew who was crazy and funny and my best friend, who ends up dying because he's driving himself into complete oblivion. and he wont stop.

[Cunae]

Wow, he's just a minor. That makes it even harder for him in recovery. The earlier we start the late-stage destruction of alcoholism, the less likely the recovery.

Try again. Don't give up. It doesn't always stick the first time. Or the first three times. But, sadly, you are right. He may kill himself with alcohol because he is so suicidal. Without a desire to live, recovery is not possible.

The bottom he hits may ultimately be death. For some reason, the most creative and talented people self-destruct. I am sorry to say that, too.

CC

[watersprite]

Don't let anybody bail him out! I know that sounds cruel. But a night or two in jail will make him start drying out. IF you have to, go to the police and tell him you are afraid he will kill someone or himself and ask if there is a way to hold him in a hospital till he dries out.
Otherwise, there is nothing you can do. Until he wants to, or until he dies or kills somebody and winds up in jail, he will remain on this self-destructive bent. I have had that experience with an ex. I had to leave. She had many mental demons, and chose drugs and alcohol to "relieve" them.

[greenwitch]

it isn't that my friend drinks constantly. he doesn't drink often at all.

it's WHEN he drinks that these things happen. I don't know whether to call him an alcoholic or just a deeply disturbed and depressed person..... I myself am generally sober, I enjoy sobriety and detest being inebriated ever, but on occasion I will have a glass of wine, or a beer. with my friend... Mikey is his name... one drink is not enough, seven barely touches him. 15 and he's belligerent but still not stopping.... and then this 'freak out' happens. he runs away. he sobs hysterically. he cuts himself. he tells me he doesn't know why he's so sad, that he doesn't know why he acts this way.... and then he apologizes. over and over and over again... it's the most saddening thing, comforting him when he's this way, trying to be there for him... he feels like he is worthless, and apologizes for taking up my time with his actions.... his words....



I really do want to help him. He needs something to work out.

[Cunae]

it isn't that my friend drinks constantly. he doesn't drink often at all.

it's WHEN he drinks that these things happen. I don't know whether to call him an alcoholic or just a deeply disturbed and depressed person..... I myself am generally sober, I enjoy sobriety and detest being inebriated ever, but on occasion I will have a glass of wine, or a beer. with my friend... Mikey is his name... one drink is not enough, seven barely touches him. 15 and he's belligerent but still not stopping.... and then this 'freak out' happens. he runs away. he sobs hysterically. he cuts himself. he tells me he doesn't know why he's so sad, that he doesn't know why he acts this way.... and then he apologizes. over and over and over again... it's the most saddening thing, comforting him when he's this way, trying to be there for him... he feels like he is worthless, and apologizes for taking up my time with his actions.... his words....



I really do want to help him. He needs something to work out.

He's probably what we call a "binge-drinker" Contrary to belief, an alcoholic doesn't have to drink all the time. A good way to determine the difference between a regular, sometimes overly self-indulgent drinker and a problem drinker is trying to drink just one and stopping like a normal drinker can.

Depression is increased by alcohol use esp when alcohol use is increased due to depression. He's got to break the cycle or he's doomed.

CC

[watersprite]

Well, even in spells, your friend has something deep and dark that has to surface for him to deal with it. My ex would get very drunk on the weekends, and would score some sort of drugs, then take it out on me. She once kicked me in the face with her cowboy boots on while I was trying to reach the phone to call the police. I had to have stitches. I never found out her deep dark secret, but I did have her tossed out of the house with the police there, I pressed charges and she dried out in jail. I took out an order of protection and a restraining order on her. Then moved to another town.
I agree with the intervention idea. IT appears that he has a binge drinking problem. You know that he has some deep issues. So tell the intervention person that, and to insist that he get help. Maybe you can have someone there who can take him right then. Even if he doesn't have insurance, he is still a danger to himself AND someone else.
I am sending you strength and MANY hugs to help you get through this. It is NOT going to be easy, and you really have to commit to it.

[greenwitch]

thank you...



I know that I'm in no way prepared to really dive down deep with Mikey, I know that it'll break my heart over and over again...

but I don't want to be older and look back and say "yeah my best friend, this awesome kid.... he died"


so I'm willing to try anything, everything, go down to his hell to pull him out.

[Philosophia]

Sending healing, positive, and comforting energy to your friend! :hugz:

[Nekhet]

I knew something was wrong, precious one...and now I see why....

Listen to me, dear one, listen very closely....

As someone who fell in love with, married, and, recently, divorced an alcoholic spouse, I can tell you this...

Nothing you do will ever change who they are, or what they are, or what they will become, or if they will survive...only they have that power.

Try as you might, struggle if you will, talk, encourage, scream, yell, curse....it will do you no good if the person does not take control of their own Fate, and it is likely to drag you along with it, if you are not careful.

It is ok to be worried...to a point. Alcoholics are liars, users, abusers, and manipulators second to none, and will drag anyone and everyone close to them along with them in their downward spiral if one allows them to.

Remember this...Alcholics hate themselves with a rage and self-loathing few will ever truly be able to understand...it fuels the very nature of who they are...and why they do what they do. Some are born into it....some are made...some are both...

If, as you say, he is refusing treatment, then I would tread most carefully in regards to yourself...encourage him, leave him phone numbers or places he can get help...and then let it go...his Fate is not in your hands, and it never will be...neither is it truly in his....and the more worrysome and stressed you are, and knows it, the more it will fuel his condition.

Take a step back...for your own sake. I choose my battles carefully, precious one...and I tell you that this is one you cannot win. But you are not meant to win it...he is...one way or the other.

You are worried that he may drink himself into obvlivion. That is entirely possible. But that does not, and will never, reflect on you or those that care for him, as much as he would love and need to make others hate themselves as much as he despises his own self....

You must not sacrifice yourself for him, precious one. Honorable intentions aside...because that is exactly what that part of him wants. It is a stalker...a predator...a hunter...hungry to devour the host, and all those around him, in a grand circle of misery, loathing, anger, and tension....

Show care...but show caution...and show restraint....I cannot stress that enough....

You know where I am should you need me, precious one.....

Your humble servant,
Nekhet


This request isn't for myself, but for a dear friend....


One of my closest friends, well, the closest that I have, has a sobriety problem.
He never knows when to stop. Sure a couple beers or a glass of wine or two, no problem. But then a couple turns into a dozen, and then some.


He suffers greatly from depression, but refuses any kind of treatment. So of course, once inebriated, he is at risk to himself, he enjoys self injury, and runs from anyone attempting to help him.


Last night, my SO was driving him home, my friend faked getting sick in the car so he would pull over and let him out. Next thing you know, my dear friend is running opposite the car.

He still hasn't come home.

I'm planning on sitting him down, possibly getting him to some AA meetings, if he ever turns up. I'm really really worried. I left work early last night [I work night shift] so I could try and find him.... with any luck he got picked up by the police and is safe and sobering up at the sheriff's department. right now that would be the best thing.


Please, the last thing any of us want is for my dear friend to drink himself into oblivion. Currently though, we're just hoping he's still alive.



if anyone can spare any energy at all that he comes home safely...... I thank you from the bottom of my heart.