for my son and for the family my ex shattered......

[GothicNymph]

About 2 months ago, my ex husband was arrested for a DUI and he apparently caused an accident. His gf bailed him out as soon as she could and they had to go back to court a week later where he was sentenced to spend a week in jail and then he would have to attend some classes and pay some fines if he didn't want to spend a full year there. Him being the idiot he is gets himself arrested again the day before he's supposed to go back to court for a follow up. I guess he knew he would be going back to jail so he was drunk yet again and caused another accident and fled. Apparently someone died in this accident and he's facing charges for what they call negligible homicide. So we all know where he's heading.

Most of you know that he's my ex for a very good reason. He was abusive and even when the cops were called they would never bother to show even when I was running for my life. I've had a restraining order in place for the past 2 1/2 years now but the problem is that he was awarded unsupervised visitation of our son, Draven. Up until last week when this 2nd accident happened Draven was seeing his dad regularly and now he's not going be able to see him anymore and I'm not completely sure what I'm supposed to tell him about all this. Any suggestions would be appreciated. My sympathy is for my child and for the family that my ex shattered. I don't know any details about who was killed in the accident but please keep them in your thoughts as I'll be doing the same.

[~Elise~]

goodness...energies sent.

Elise

[Artiste-LiLi]

Energies sent. You don't say how old Draven is...but I say...tell him the truth in language he can understand and without anger or being super graphic. If he is old enough to understand tell him it is because of his father drinking, breaking the law because he chose to drink, etc.

[yarrow_elfglow]

*hugs to you* energy sent

[DreamSpell333]

Energy sent :hugz:

[Brightshores]

:hugz: Peace to you and to your son..

[Darkest Eve]

:hugz:

I'm not sure how old your son is....

But I definitely agree with Artiste-Lili... tell him the truth in a way that he will understand it.

This can be as simple or as complex as you need to make it to help him understand...and you need to prepare yourself for questions down the road as well.

"Daddy did something that was very bad, and he's very sorry for it, but he has to go away for awhile and he won't be able to see you while he's away. "

You may or may not want to be that simple about it... but it might give you somewhere to start. :hugz:

[mephistopheles]

:hugz:

[Philosophia]

Sending healing, positive, protective, and comforting energy to you, your son, and the family! :hugz:

[GothicNymph]

my son is 8 years old. i've told him that he won't be seeing his dad for awhile and that he's in jail for his drinking but i didn't know what else to tell him or how to explain it so he could understand.

i had my mom call my ex's dad to let him know what was going on since we didn't think the gf would call him in florida and he hadn't heard anything about it. my ex goes to court today for this latest charge. when the records are updated later i'll post any updates i find.

[Amilee]

:hugz: I really don't know what to say. :hugz: Sending love and energy to that family right now. :hugz:

[Willow Rosette]

I have to agree with everyone else. Tell him the truth in a way he can understand (sounds like you have).

My daughter went from seeing her father all the time to never as well and it was hard in the beginning but kids are smart and much stronger than we give them credit for.

He will make it through this because he has you there for him.

Im sending my prayers for you son and that poor family!!!

[Artiste-LiLi]

my son is 8 years old. i've told him that he won't be seeing his dad for awhile and that he's in jail for his drinking but i didn't know what else to tell him or how to explain it so he could understand.

i had my mom call my ex's dad to let him know what was going on since we didn't think the gf would call him in florida and he hadn't heard anything about it. my ex goes to court today for this latest charge. when the records are updated later i'll post any updates i find.

Just let him know that if he has any questions at any time he can ask them freely and you will answer honestly to the best of your ability.

Good luck to you and yours and please do keep the updates coming...you are in the thoughts and prayers of many.

[watersprite]

:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:For your son, AND for you, many hugs. I know that this is bringing up a lot of bad memories for you and for that, I can send you energy to cope.
For the family of the person that died, there is no real closure for this, but maybe justice would help a little. I don't think negligent homocide will do that. If you get in a car and go out and drink, it is pre-meditated murder when you kill someone with your car. May this person never see the outside of a prison again. Maybe YOU need that as well as the family, just to feel a bit safer.
I know that this is the father of a little boy. I also know that this is what happens to people that break the law. I believe that you will teach your son well and with kindness. You deserve to be treated that way as well.

[SilverClaw]

:hugz:

[GothicNymph]

i've been checking the site daily to make sure he's still in jail and so far he is. some of the charges have changed on there so i'm not sure what that's about. it no longer says anything about anyone dying, now it just says he fled the scene of an injury accident so its good that nobody died and i hope whoever was hurt makes a full recovery. his gf has been calling every week with stories about why he hasnt been around. last week she said he was out of town on an emergency and didnt know when he'd be back. tonight she called saying they'd be coming to pick up my son on thursday. after what he did the last time he was heading back to jail i have no intention of handing my child over to him. i will be refusing visitation on thursday if they do show up and if i have to i will go hide with my son. please continue to keep us in your thoughts. he goes back to court the 26th of this month on the most recent charges. i'll update as i find out more

[SilverClaw]

i've been checking the site daily to make sure he's still in jail and so far he is. some of the charges have changed on there so i'm not sure what that's about. it no longer says anything about anyone dying, now it just says he fled the scene of an injury accident so its good that nobody died and i hope whoever was hurt makes a full recovery. his gf has been calling every week with stories about why he hasnt been around. last week she said he was out of town on an emergency and didnt know when he'd be back. tonight she called saying they'd be coming to pick up my son on thursday. after what he did the last time he was heading back to jail i have no intention of handing my child over to him. i will be refusing visitation on thursday if they do show up and if i have to i will go hide with my son. please continue to keep us in your thoughts. he goes back to court the 26th of this month on the most recent charges. i'll update as i find out more
My thoughts and prayers are with you . :hugz:

[Cloaked Raven]

Gods, what the families are going through...

Energy, love, warm thoughts and prayers sent to all who were hurt by this. :hugz:

And a big hug for you GN.... :hugz:

[Lunacie]

I would check with your lawyer or the court clerk and tell him/her that you understand your child's father has caused two accidents recently by drinking and driving, and that you are not comfortable letting him take your son with him in the car. Ask them what you should do. It could be you can have the court order of visitation revised so that your ex has only supervised visits. Good luck to you and best wishes for those who were involved in the car crashes.

[Cloaked Raven]

I would check with your lawyer or the court clerk and tell him/her that you understand your child's father has caused two accidents recently by drinking and driving, and that you are not comfortable letting him take your son with him in the car. Ask them what you should do. It could be you can have the court order of visitation revised so that your ex has only supervised visits. Good luck to you and best wishes for those who were involved in the car crashes.
Good advice, Lunacie. I second that!

[GothicNymph]

tonight she tried to come pick up my son Draven and i don't know her so i told her twice that Draven wasn't going anywhere. she wasnt happy but she left. the website still shows him being in jail but i dont think she'd try to pick my son up if he wasn't out. he hasnt tried to do anything about it yet but i dont trust him to just sit and not do anything

[GothicNymph]

ok so i already posted about last night where she tried to pick him up and tried to argue with me about it being my ex's weekend to get him. she told me she had him on the phone and i could talk to him if i wanted to.

when i really thought about it later, the whole thing was just off. i caught her trying to sneak Draven out of the house then she just stood there at the door without saying a word to me til i said "can i help you?" my ex wasn't with her and he has always shown up before to pick Draven up and she came up to the door, she didnt call or anything and he usually calls when he's downstairs because he knows he cant come to the door because of the protective order. she had told me she was picking Draven up because my ex couldnt drive. ok well he could still be in the car with her right?

i checked online this morning and it still showed him being in jail. ok that's odd cause they tried to get Draven last night. so i called the jail and the lady i talked to said he's still in custody. so now i'm wondering what they were trying to pull and i'm not sure if i should feel better knowing he's still in there or what i should feel knowing that this woman who has never wanted anything to do with Draven before when my ex wasnt around all of a sudden wants to come and pick him up and pretend that Draven's dad is waiting at home.

[Lunacie]

Sometimes when people are released from jail, they are still wearing an ankle monitor that restricts how far from home they can travel. However, if he didn't call you to tell you that his girlfriend would be picking up your son, then I think you were absolutely right not to let her take him.

Do you think he wanted her to come and get your son even though he may still be in jail so as not to disturb the status quo and to make it look like he is still interested in keeping up the visitation on his part? Why would she want to take your son by himself otherwise?

I still think you should check with your lawyer or the court clerk to find out whether you have to let your son go with his father if he has two arrests for drunk driving crashes, or if you have to let him go with the girlfriend if your ex is in jail. Better for you to do things by the book, eh?

[Ariste]

your son and the other family are in my thoughts. Unfortunately this could be a good time for an object lesson about drinking responsibly. I am iunfortunately finding that we need to have these discussions younger and younger these days as i'm now hearing about 10 and 12 year olds drinking. I agree with the others about trying to explaing the truth gently. My daughter is almost 8 and does know about death, not sure about your son, but if he does I would encourage you to explain to him and try to get him to empathize with the other family. If he sees the very real consequence to both his dad and the other family from these actions it may prevent him from making similar mistakes in the future.

[GothicNymph]

i've been meaning to give everyone an update on my idiot ex and the court systems here continue to disgust me. ok so the charges officially say that he left the scene of an injury accident where it originally said something personal injury or death, so someone did get hurt and it was caused by my ex who was drunk at 3 in the afternoon.
i have a cousin who was arrested for dui and he didn't hurt anyone but they sent him to prison, yet my ex who caused not 1 but 2 accidents and someone did get hurt basically gets a slap on the wrist for what he's done. he gets 153 days of jail time and credit for time served from the time of his arrest back in october which means he'll be out before i have time to get moved and change my phone number. as soon as he's out he'll be coming around harassing us and trying to get Draven and i know i can't count on the police to do anything to protect us, restraining order or not. i'm not sure what to do at this point to keep myself and my children safe from him. we were hoping we would at least have a few more months to get moved and change our phone number so he couldn't find us so easily but then it was the same court that told me that a child witnessing domestic violence wasn't grounds for supervised visitation and offered visitation of my oldest child to a man he's scared of and isn't his father

[Lunacie]

None of that makes any sense to me either. Sorry things aren't looking any better for you and your son yet. The only thing I can think of trying is a binding spell (sometimes called a freezing spell). Wishing you both the best outcome possible. :hugz:

[FiresSong]

That's a horrible situation, and I don't know why the law wouldn't be on your side on this. The justice system is so incredibly flawed. He's violent and is allowed unsupervised visitation? Why isn't CPS doing anything? Lunacie is right - it doesn't make any damn sense.

I'll send you energies and keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope something can be done to keep this man away from your child.

[SilverClaw]

I hate that whole concept of time served. And I am sorry you have to go through this still. Keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers :hugz:

[brigidrose]

Can you check to see if you can take him back to court and get sole custody. Im in Illinois, and for about $20 dollars, you can get the states attorney to represent you and get whatever you need. I don't know where you live but check the state child support sites and maybe you can find some help.

Hugs and peaceful energy sent to you.

[Teresa]

i've been meaning to give everyone an update on my idiot ex and the court systems here continue to disgust me. ok so the charges officially say that he left the scene of an injury accident where it originally said something personal injury or death, so someone did get hurt and it was caused by my ex who was drunk at 3 in the afternoon.
i have a cousin who was arrested for dui and he didn't hurt anyone but they sent him to prison, yet my ex who caused not 1 but 2 accidents and someone did get hurt basically gets a slap on the wrist for what he's done. he gets 153 days of jail time and credit for time served from the time of his arrest back in october which means he'll be out before i have time to get moved and change my phone number. as soon as he's out he'll be coming around harassing us and trying to get Draven and i know i can't count on the police to do anything to protect us, restraining order or not. i'm not sure what to do at this point to keep myself and my children safe from him. we were hoping we would at least have a few more months to get moved and change our phone number so he couldn't find us so easily but then it was the same court that told me that a child witnessing domestic violence wasn't grounds for supervised visitation and offered visitation of my oldest child to a man he's scared of and isn't his father
Dressing a candle for you and Draven! :hugz: I have been thru a stupid court system before too during the episodes of domestic violence with my ex husband and they kept letting him back out to do more stuff over and over and over again. I can truly sympathize with your situation. Contact someone about the visitation though if he is going to be driving with your child in the car or there is any possibility. See if there is a Women's Commission in your Area or an Advocate for women and children from domestic violence. Someone like that will help stand up for your child's safety.

[GothicNymph]

well i'm not sure exactly what happened but now he's in prison at least until his parole hearing in august so that gives me some time to move. this is good news for us

thank you everyone for keeping us in your thoughts :hugz:

[watersprite]

He is a menace and should not be allowed to drive ANYWHERE, let alone with your son in the car. I would go to court and fight this if you can. If he is drunk when he comes to pick the boy up, call the police. do not let him take your boy.
Have a male person there from the family if you can, when he comes to pick him up.
Drunks don't care about anybody but their own needs, and do not respect women at all.
Keep yourself and your son safe.
You are now in my nightly candle ritual, for safety and courage.

[Lunacie]

WooHoo, that's good news that you'll have some breathing and planning space. Sure hope the judge or jury will realize that he needs some serious rebilitation time before he's allowed to impinge on your life again.

[GothicNymph]

yeah we needed the good news. we're planning to move this summer after the kids get out of school and we're changing our phone number to an unlisted one to keep Draven safe from his dad