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View Full Version : A Pitfall of Mentoring



RainInanna
November 9th, 2008, 12:11 PM
A friend recently went to a psychic who told him I was his "spirit guide". Since then, he and I have had some rather mind-opening discussions and I've become aware of intuitive insights like never before. I become aware of things he should know on his path.

Problem is as much as I know he needs to be aware of something, he doesn't seem to want to "get it". I guess he's not ready, but he's also very... uh.. confident. Thinks he already knows his path and can see his steps but is just "putting it on a backburner" until "he has time". Well I can tell he's really just afraid to take the steps he needs to, and when they appeared to me, I ended up so frustrated that he just refused to see that those steps need to be taken. He's not willing to accept my advice because he's so full if his own confidence, know what I mean? He insists he already "sees his steps" despite that he was the one that kept trying to force me to talk spirituality with him. Well, why would I keep offering viewpoints if he's too full of his own to listen to me? At the same time, when you're called to teach, can you just say "oh well, that's not working". I know my ego is just frustrated with his non willingness to listen yet.

Logically I know I can't walk his path for him nor is it my place to tell him what to do. I can't nor do I want to make him do this, even though I feel so strongly that he should. I feel like he's wasting time, and was personally irritated that he refused to take me seriously. How ridiculous is that of me?! How do I accept that giving him guidance means letting him take it as and when he's ready? How do you deal when something so obvious to you just isn't going to get through to your student? How do you deal when you know someone you're working with needs to take your advice but they're not ready? How do you wait until they process it and realize what you already see so clearly? Does it leave you frustrated? How do you let it go?

Convallaria
November 9th, 2008, 12:19 PM
I think it's the same for all teachers, no matter of they're spiritual guides, or grade 8 math. It's always up to the student. And when the student is ready to learn, they will. It is irritating, and frustrating to know the answer and to know the student would benefit from following your guidance when they wont. But it is your friend's life, not yours. Shift your focus. Let him know that you'll be around when he needs you, but you need to focus on something else now, and let this work itself through. You've given him the tools he needs, now you just wait patiently until he uses the tools correctly.

watersprite
November 9th, 2008, 12:30 PM
I pm'd you.

Lunacie
November 9th, 2008, 12:32 PM
I was fortunate enough to get the insight into this issue when I first started walking the path of Wicca some 18+ years ago. I decided all I can do is plant the seed. I cannot make it grow. It will grow in it's own time, or not at all. Unfortunately I wasn't able to take such a laid back attitude with my youngest grandchild. I didn't know she was Autistic and I was so frustrated that she wasn't doing half the things that her mommy and her older sister had been able to do with ease. That was hard on both of us and I wish I could do it over again. But maybe that's the case with your student, maybe he has some stumbling block that is holding him back that neither of you are aware of yet. Just breathe, m'kay?

Taliesyn
November 9th, 2008, 12:40 PM
well, if this person wants to learn, teach. in the meantime, teach by example. unless this student actually asks you to teach- no matter what anyone else says, you can't. you don't have permission.

I have taught quite a few people, and I know what it is like to have someone who refuses to proceed along the path you envision for them. Even if they dedicate themselves, there is still a limit to what you can do.

As a matter of fact the last guy I worked with couldn't make it. I worked with him for a few years, but he wasn't ready to heal. I had to let go and tell him that if he wanted to learn more from me, to come back with a sign that it was time to continue.

~Elise~
November 9th, 2008, 01:18 PM
Take a deep breath and let it go, otherwise you will make yourself nuts.

When it's time, it'll happen. And it's not always on the time WE think it should be. I've seen it happen time and time again.

Elise

Wolfscout1
November 9th, 2008, 01:20 PM
He's not willing to accept my advice because he's so full if his own confidence, know what I mean?
When life maturity (not age maturity) catches up with him he will see the error of it.


Well, why would I keep offering viewpoints if he's too full of his own to listen to me?
That is the trouble. knowing when it's time to ease off and let the student ask the questions. If they don't have questions they are not curious enough to seek learning. IMO


I feel like he's wasting time, and was personally irritated that he refused to take me seriously. How ridiculous is that of me?!
If you feel your time isn't appreciated, you should give it where it is, or where you feel more comfortable as the giver of information. (again IMO)


How do I accept that giving him guidance means letting him take it as and when he's ready?
When one gives advice.. it doesn't mean they will follow it. They have to weight the information and put it to use. Advice is very similiar to opinions and has to be weighed individually; some advice is good and sometimes it's not.


How do you deal when something so obvious to you just isn't going to get through to your student?
You have to shrug it off as they are not ready.


How do you deal when you know someone you're working with needs to take your advice but they're not ready?
You can't force anyone to follow advice. but you can restrain from giving further advice. I had someone always asking me for advice.. I gave it freely many times only to see them do as they please and come to me with further problems wanting more advice. Eventually, I got tired of that situation and withdrew. They couldn't see they were digging themselves a bigger hole. I didn't want to get sucked into their "black hole" situation by becoming more involved. Sometimes you have to take care of self.


How do you wait until they process it and realize what you already see so clearly?
Patience.


Does it leave you frustrated?
Certainly does.


How do you let it go?
Eventually I have to "flip a switch" on them and remove them from me for a time if not for a long time. *sighs* I've had to do it far more often than I would care to admit.
I don't consider myself a teacher or a mentor but it seems to come down to that sometimes from their perspectives.

RainInanna
November 9th, 2008, 01:25 PM
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Deep breaths :)

So glad to have been able to vent and find you folks can understand and have insights on this.