Traumatized Perhaps?

[Amilee]

I thinking that I really need to go see a psychologist but it's near impossible to do here in Japan and I'd refuse any kind of meds they'd try and give me. I guess to be honest I'm having some serious issues with my inner me.

I think it also has a lot to do with what has gone on during my stay in Japan and being so isolated from the rest of the world for 4 years.

It's also the winter time. I always get in this funk just as the winter wind kisses the autumn leaves and it leaves me feeling just that little bit depressed but this time...this time it's pretty bad.

So, to give you an idea of what's happened while I was here and I think most of you have been with me during all the hard things...

1) Got sexually assualted in the streets (two hands up the skirt) and then stalked by the same man.
2) Said attack triggered panic attacks in me but thought I was having some kind of seizure.
3) Was put on meds to help with the panic attacks and quit them after I found they made the panic attacks worse.
4) Began having serious Suicidal thoughts and learned this was because of the meds I was given and nothing I could control.
5) Grandmother died, then Hampster died, then my childhood dog died while I was in Japan.
6) Got robbed while I was in the house and woke up to the man standing over my bed. (Learned later that the man wasn't Japanese and most likely spoke English which, for some reason made it worse)
7) Panic attacks return forcing us to move to somewhere more secure.
8) Hit with extreme lapses of depression and thoughts of suicide return.
9) Accidentally poison Tadpoles which I'd fallen in love with (bringing on terrible bouts of guilt and sadness)

So...Yeah..

Suggestions, support, shoulders to lean on would be really helpful because things are just so terrible, inside my head. It's so hard for me to keep going when I just keep getting hit every time I get up.

I just don't know what's wrong with me...I mean inside...Why I feel this way (sad all the time.).

I need to get out of this. I want to. HELP ME! :wah:

[TygerTyger]

Good grief, that's a whole truckload of personal trouble you're hauling around there!

The only thing I can suggst is to stop beating yourself up and accept that these happen, not because you are a bad person or deserve it or just unlucky, they happen because other people make decisions that impact on other people's lives but they either don't appreciate or care what the consequences are.

That's not your fault.

Take one day at a time. Look for all the good things in each day, it might seem to take an effort to begin with but try it, even the smallest thing can help.

Talk to someone, husband, boyfriend, close friend, counsellor, so that you can get things in perspective.

If you feel angry get angry, only don't take it out on those close to you, let it go doing some sport or fitness training or anything physical. Most importantly do not bottle it up!

Keep occupied, job, hobby, interest, games, even a chore like cleaning a room can help. We need to escape so create some time for yourself where you can do just that.

Finally, I'm wishing you all the best and a turn around for the better!

:thumbsup:

[mephistopheles]

:hugz:. I can offer a shoulder, feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to... :hugz: :hugz: