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Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 06:49 PM
I write this with a heavy heart as I finally realize that despite my efforts for a long time, that my poor baby girl Blaze is now dying. When I got her from the pet store I wanted her, because I wanted her for her spunk and her attitude. She was the one who came out running when the hollow log was lifted and they were sprayed. She ran toward me like their house was on fire, so I knew right away that she was a fighter and I wanted HER.

She never got adjusted to captivity. She was the only one who never caught her own 'meals'. I just thought the prey was too big for her, but her little brother caught up and surpassed her by catching his own food. Meanwhile, she needed to be hand-fed which I didn't mind doing, but she fought it sometimes (again her spunky little attitude in action). She layed an egg shortly after we got her, but it didn't last long. Others would mate with her from time to time, namely the littlest guy who is growing up fast (Zippo).

We changed the mostly aquatic tank over to a self-sustaining all-natural ecosystem with hopes that the larger land ratio would help her to want to hunt more, and it did a little. She seemed interested for a while, though I never really saw her catch anything. She just never seemed to have the strength and endurance. I was having to hand feed (sometimes force feed) her a cricket or give her a "Jump Start" high caloric appetite stimulant supplement every so often to try to put on some weight and keep her healthy.

The last few days, Flame, one of her other tank mates was hanging out in the front of the tank by the water, which he does when he wants my attention to chase him around. I did so today and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary except he didn't really seem to care about being chased all over and led me back to their 'nest' in a cave I made them. I didn't notice anything and left. I didn't check to see how any of them were doing...they just were cuddling as usual to me.

Later today when I went to take Blaze out to feed her more Jump Start, I noticed all of them gathered around her in a protective cuddle, and a cricket leg on the ground outside the cave. Newton, the biggest and oldest (and the one I have had the longest from a previous owner) was being most protective on the inside with her. She was laying there, her front legs uselessly folded underneath her. Her back legs were trailing uselessly behind her, and her head was up. She was curled inwards toward the inner circle of the group, her body looking more fragile and much thinner than before.

I took them all out and put them in their carry container. Some were very reluctant to go until they saw that I picked her up too. She is still alive and just barely hanging on. They were all gathered around her as if to say "goodbye" and to see her off. In my hand, she was with her three companions carefully cuddled around her almost caressing her. When I would put them back and leave her out, they tried to climb out in her direction. Tim and I cried together. I had the newts back out and with her.

Now I have them in their tank, and Flame seems to be out looking for her, and the others are looking around the cave. She is in the little carry container on top of it so she can be in the indirect light for warmth, and so they don't have to see her die. Her head turns toward the light. I don't want her to dehydrate, so I put some water and Jump Start on her lips. Probably a little too late.

This whole time, I have my little joey sugar glider in his bonding pouch around my neck making clicking and chattering noises when he is awake. I can't forget about my duties to my other furry, shelled, or newt children while I go through this process and try to make her comfortable.

Please send energy or pray that her passing will be a comfortable one when it's time, and that we will all be together again...and that the others will adjust and be fine without her. They are apparently a tight-knit little group here. Also, I don't want to have her suffering while she is here, and she has no use of her legs it seems at all now. Not sure why, but last night, she was throwing herself around after she had the Jump Start with the temporary energy it gives, then she walked fine. It isn't the first time she acted weird, but this is the first time she has no use of the legs.

Thank you,
Clair

tooltb120
November 20th, 2008, 06:55 PM
Sorry to hear it,Clair

Prayers and Energy sent

Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 06:59 PM
Thank you! That means the world to me right now! I hope she feels the comfort being sent. I am sure she does. I do too. :) :hugz:

Invidosa
November 20th, 2008, 07:01 PM
oh clair, i'm so sorry to hear this! blessings and loving energy for you and your babies :hugz:

Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 07:14 PM
I think she may have just passed....

I was petting her gently on the head and telling her that, "It is ok to go if it is your time, my Pretty Girl Blaze." (and of course telling her through my tears and runny nose I was holding back...)

I won't know for sure for a few hours I guess.

She did have a peaceful look in her eye that I haven't seen in a while, which was nice. She looked like she was looking at something off in the distance which made her look happy as the light faded from her eyes. Maybe it was the light from her tank glowing through the damp paper towel in her carry container...or something more. I believe it was something spiritual and a feeling of relief and happiness that her suffering is over as she was in the process of crossing over and heard her "Mom's" voice and felt her touch one last time.

Glowy
November 20th, 2008, 07:20 PM
Oh... hun


I am so sorry

Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 07:22 PM
Thank you so much! I just hope the others can adjust to being without her. They are such a tight group.

:hugz:

triplemoonmother
November 20th, 2008, 07:26 PM
you bring tears to my eyes and to my heart

my prayer and blessings are with you

Invidosa
November 20th, 2008, 07:27 PM
well, there is no better place to be at her passing then surrounded by her family, i'm so so sorry sweetie. lots of love to you and the others who are left behind. :hugz:

Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 07:40 PM
You know, it's really strange. I was supposed to be somewhere else today, but I just sensed that I needed to stay home and be with my pets. It is like she just waited for me to discover her in her condition, like she couldn't "go" until she saw me one last time and was able to come out and be held again. She was able to shortly after. She must have been "hanging on" all day...and why the other one (Flame) was trying to get my attention several hours earlier, but I didn't know why.

I think that was one of the beautiful ways that we all bond with each other sometimes on the unseen, but very much felt level.

Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 08:58 PM
Who knows what shape she was in before I got her? I think I helped to prolong her life and the fact that she was a fighter helped a lot. She struggled to hang on until she simply had nothing left. I know that she knew love too. I think she would not have had much of a chance if left in that tank at the pet store with all the other more aggressive ones there on her own.

I feel grateful she came into my life that day in June of this year and lasted until this day. She has taught me about love, perserverance, and a never-give-up attitude. (Sometimes she just had that spunky little girl attitude!:crown:)

Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 10:47 PM
I can't believe it, but somehow she is still alive!!! It is painful to watch her writhing and trying to crawl towards my voice when I speak, with limbs that no longer have the strength to carry her. One side of her mouth has foamed. She reacts to my touch and wants to be held. Meanwhile, the sugar gliger needs to be put back and be fed, and I need to make my guy a sandwich for work.

She has her legs in their 'normal' positions now and is attempting to walk in my hand...spurred on by warmth, love, and the sound of the keyboard..and my voice.

Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 11:37 PM
Well, I got my man off to work and he got the sugar glider put away for me, so now the glider needs fruit cut up to be fed, and I haven't had dinner...

I thought for sure Blaze was gone just a minute ago, until she reacted to the sound of the keyboard in my hand as I type one-handed. She wiggled and raised her little head. I talk to her and touch her, but typing really does it for her for some reason. Earlier, she dragged herself to my shirt and rested her head and shoulders there (one of her favorite spots) and I thought she had died there until I started typing and she moved again. She didn't even move when I offered her water or sprayed her down...amphibian, ya' know?

I don't want her to die cold (under the heat lamp) and alone, but eventually I need sleep for a full day tomorrow....what to do!:confused::sadeyes::wah::heartthro

Clair de la Lune
November 20th, 2008, 11:52 PM
Well, I don't think I have to worry about that one. I think that she just took her last breath in her favorite place...in her Mommy's hand. She is not even reacting to the keyboard now!

At least I know she went peacefully and was warm and in her favorite spot with me and was being talked to and knew she was loved. :smile::ballonsmi She also got to see her Daddy before he left for work, and he patted her on his way out and talked to her. I think she wanted to see both of us again.

I have a restless sugar glider patiently waiting for his food now...

Philosophia
November 21st, 2008, 08:36 AM
Sending healing, positive, and comforting energy to you! :hugz:

May she find peace in the arms of the universe. :hugz:

Raxeph
November 21st, 2008, 08:42 AM
:hugz: Poor little Blaze... her heart was full of fire and will to live on. At least when she passed on... she was with you, in your warm hands. :)

*sniffs* Such love and sadness brings tears to my eyes... the bonds with animals are such special things beyond so many others. May she be at loving rest where she will no longer bear suffering, of any kind. Her own warmth will remain in your heart, too. :heartthro

DreamSpell333
November 21st, 2008, 09:42 AM
so sorry for your loss. :hugz:

Catiana
November 21st, 2008, 01:46 PM
:hugz:

Invidosa
November 21st, 2008, 04:33 PM
more love and :hugz: to all of you.