Me and my mom: tired.

[Toki Wartooth]

Well, as some of you may know, my Father passed on May 19th of this year...

And, well, my mom and I seem like we're never going to get to the end of all the paperwork. My mom's gone back to work, has been working for a bit, and I myself am putting in a lot of "work" in running errands of all kinds, plus helping in the upkeep of the house, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. You name it, one or both of us = doing it.

We're still dealing with leftover bills and all that from his name, as well as joint accounts with him and my mom's name. We're trying to do crap with the cars we have right now...I am trying to teach my mom to drive because, well, we're going to end up with two cars, and I really can't keep driving her for too long. We're having all kinds of places to go, people to talk to, &c. in regards to this thing especially.

We just have way more to do ... than I could've really imagined. It's overwhelming us both, and we're both having tough times avoiding stress, worry, &c. I myself am starting to feel tired pretty often, no matter how much sleep I get. It's depressing. I can't even really enjoy my hobbies so much because of it.

I know it's only temporary, all of this, but it still doesn't make it any easier to live through. Blah.

I could appreciate any energy spared toward getting all these things done, and hopefully soon.

[Caitlin.ann]

:hugz:

[Shawn Blackwolf]

Yeah...I could feel your low energy , when you
posted in my thread...believe it or not...:uhhuhuh:

So...energy sent !

May you , and your mother...and again just you...

Find some time , and space for your health , healing ,
and creativity...may others step in to help...

Have you asked ?

May you get some rest...even your back against a tree ,
does wonders...breathe !

This too shall pass...and yes...remember you need to take
care of you !

[KC Destroyer of Worlds]

Sending :hugz: and energy your way Toki! You have been in my thoughts lately, I'll light a candle for you tonight.

[alwaysfallingup]

Wishes for blessings sent to you and your mom, for energy, vitality, perseverance, and driving prowess. :hugs:

[Toki Wartooth]

:hugz:

:hugz: back. Thanks.


Yeah...I could feel your low energy , when you
posted in my thread...believe it or not...:uhhuhuh:

So...energy sent !

May you , and your mother...and again just you...

Find some time , and space for your health , healing ,
and creativity...may others step in to help...

Have you asked ?

May you get some rest...even your back against a tree ,
does wonders...breathe !

This too shall pass...and yes...remember you need to take
care of you !

Oh my GOD. I just typed up this long, detailed reply to you, Shawn, and I must've hit some keyboard shortcut or something. The actual text box disappeared entirely, and the Smilies bit at the right ... was just ... the box. Uuuuugh! I hate when stuff like that happens. I wanted to cry. It really is the small things that can push us over the edge.

Anyway, my first comment being -- you're good. It is true I'm quite on the energy bit. Long story short, I'm doing 23947279437 errands a day for and/or with my mom, and at this point, I'm getting very close to being 100000% burned out. I don't know if anyone can grasp just how much I'm doing, but it includes all this (but certainly isn't limited to this): groceries, various chores around the house, calling businesses and other people, faxing things, taking care of bank-related stuff, trying to get rid of our extra car, cooking, taking my mom to/from work since she doesn't drive, trying to teach my mom to drive and do other things related to cars, &c. &c. &c. I have busy days even when my mom's at work, and I'm theoretically at home and doing nothing. You bet I do faaaar from "nothing." I put in 9 to 5 days just so I can accomplish all this crap and help tie up loose ends from my Father's crossing.

The fact that she sometimes has such poor attitude really pulls down my morale a lot, and it makes surviving my days a lot harder. Today, she was completely unbearable. She complained about EVERYTHING. There was not a single thing that escaped her criticism, including me. I don't get a stupid #$&!ing "thank you" or "I appreciate that you're doing this for me" or anything. The most I ever get is a thanks for cooking, which is normal in her side of the family, but that's it. I'm the one reading all these legal papers and explaining her stuff and doing stuff for her and attempting to do teach her it so she can do it herself. What the hell do I get in return? Not much, apparently.

I got so upset when trying to drive to our second dealership of the day, I gave up and turned our butts back home. I was so fed up during that drive, and just so stressed, I had to fight off panic attacks all the time. And, of course, I got so messed up I was fighting back the need to sob while driving. It takes a lot to get me to cry, especially in public and in front of people (including family, even). I hated every second of it.

I don't know what to do. We've never gotten along, and apparently we still don't get along. I'm so stressed out being at home, but I can't go anywhere because I have all this crap to do, and I know my mom needs help and aflksjfslakfjlsfsjklak. :wah:


Sending :hugz: and energy your way Toki! You have been in my thoughts lately, I'll light a candle for you tonight.

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. :hugz:


Wishes for blessings sent to you and your mom, for energy, vitality, perseverance, and driving prowess. :hugs:

Thank you. :hugz:

[KC Destroyer of Worlds]

Is there anyone from your dad's side of the family that can lend a hand? The sole burden of estate responsibility shouldn't be riding on you. If you want I'll beat them up for you? Not your mum, that would be weird, but I don't mind taking the occasional swing at a lawyer or funeral home guy.

[mayu]

sorry to hear of your loss toki, i know those words have no comfort really but i will most definatly be sending you some energy to help you cope with what must seem a neverending mountain as you say.

just take each day as it comes, i really hope things get better for you soon.

[Toki Wartooth]

kchoye, you can consider those people nonexistent, which is essentially what my parents did most of the time. The only time Dad's side of the family ever existed was when something like a death in the family happened, and even then, it seems they got lazy after the first couple of deaths.

When Uncle Troy died, some of us went to keep Grandma company and all that.

When Grandma died, most of us came for the wake, funeral, etc.

When Aunt Dannette died, all we got was an email from one person -- after she was cremated and her ashes spread.

When Dad died, only Uncle Bob's wife (not even him, personally!) sent us a card, all in her hand-writing. And, worse, it was a card in Spanish. I think they still think my mom only knows Spanish. *Rolls eyes*

I have two half-sisters, from Papi's (Dad's) previous marriage, but they're, like, almost in their 40s, and they're pretty much hobags that were only interested in getting an inheritance (but LOL, there wasn't one!) and crap. I met them and disliked them muchly.

And, of course, my mom's family isn't entirely my dad's family -- plus a lot of them are crazy, sick (in the physical way), poor, far away, and/or can't really speak English or handle anything.

I am an only child, and our neighbors can only do so much, too. My mom's co-workers are almost all horrible, hypocritical, gossiping, untrustworthy devils, and I've never had more than just co-workers at work (well, sorta, always worked posts by myself...).

I'm basically &#!@ed.

mayu, thanks for the kind words and intentions.

[KC Destroyer of Worlds]

Balls. I'm sending vibes that the mess will clear up soon, and you can spend time on stuff that you want to move forward with. :hugz::hugz::hugz:

[Toki Wartooth]

Thanks a lot. :hugz:

[JimSte]

Toki wartooth says:

Me and my mom: tired

you you motha..

take some rest - then go at it again

[JimSte]

maybe you have a sister that can do every other shift




Toki wartooth says:



Thanks a lot. :hugz:

anytime

[JimSte]

this reminds me of the time my friend and his mother were feeding cream cheese and oatmeal to their two stallions in the stable - they were pretty pumped and in a way it wasn't pretty :crown:

they were like pumping it into their throats

[Shawn Blackwolf]

Toki...what about a church organization ?

Do they have one in your area , or does your
mother attend church ?

Or...call your local social services office...

One of these should either be able to help ,
or refer you to someone to help...

Check all churches , and social services ,
call your local psychiatric clinic...

( no , you are not crazy...they know of services )...:smileroll

Taking an hour for this , could get you assistance ,
if at all possible , so you do not burn out...

Heck , try your local Salvation Army , Rotary Club ,
Elks Club , etc...one if them should offer help...

Be very clear about your situation , and breaking point...

Allow the universe to answer...keep the faith...

This is not all on your shoulders , though it sure seems that way...

Ask...and allow the answer...HUGZ...:thumbsup:

[SilverClaw]

Sorry things are so overwhelming for you both and sending what I can for you both. :hugz:

[Toki Wartooth]

Shawn,

Well...what can do those groups do? I mean, I know a lot of those are there for help and various social services, but some of it is private, financial issues. My mom hates people getting into her business. Anything even remotely related to credit cards, the bank, bills, Social Security, etc. are definitely off-limits.

My mom doesn't really go to church anymore, though occasionally she visits this Catholic one across the street from her work place. I've started going to a Unitarian Universalist church, and although I've been going to services and other things, I'm not a member of it, nor have I known anyone there for very long. I'd feel a bit weird asking for anything, I guess...

I could try contacting various organizations, but I'm not entirely sure what I could get from them, you know? I'm at least trying to reach out for help in things like car-related stuff, mostly through friends and my mom's friends and/or co-workers, but blah.

I've just never dealt much with social services or even charities (beyond donating to them), so I don't really know ... how to express what I need from them, or what they can really offer me. I like your ideas, but I'm just still kinda ... lost? I guess?


Sorry things are so overwhelming for you both and sending what I can for you both. :hugz:

Thanks. :hugz:

[Shawn Blackwolf]

Volunteers to help...from shopping , other errands , driving...etc...

You can only ask...my parents taught me that...

What is the worst that can happen ?

You get a no , get yelled at , called a name...

You keep asking , till you get help...

Your mother objects to help , other than commom sense , as
you listed...screw her desires , you need rest...

That is more important than her liking everything...

I would tell my mother I was doing my best...shut up , and stuff it...
but that is the kind being I am...:smileroll...doing my best , but not
putting up with other's bullshit...even my mother...:thumbsup:


Shawn,

Well...what can do those groups do? I mean, I know a lot of those are there for help and various social services, but some of it is private, financial issues. My mom hates people getting into her business. Anything even remotely related to credit cards, the bank, bills, Social Security, etc. are definitely off-limits.

My mom doesn't really go to church anymore, though occasionally she visits this Catholic one across the street from her work place. I've started going to a Unitarian Universalist church, and although I've been going to services and other things, I'm not a member of it, nor have I known anyone there for very long. I'd feel a bit weird asking for anything, I guess...

I could try contacting various organizations, but I'm not entirely sure what I could get from them, you know? I'm at least trying to reach out for help in things like car-related stuff, mostly through friends and my mom's friends and/or co-workers, but blah.

I've just never dealt much with social services or even charities (beyond donating to them), so I don't really know ... how to express what I need from them, or what they can really offer me. I like your ideas, but I'm just still kinda ... lost? I guess?



Thanks. :hugz:

[Nesta]

Energy being sent to you both. :hugz:

[Cloaked Raven]

Toki, I understand... We had a lot of the same things to do after my father passed away 12 years ago... :hugz: My mom was so overwhelmed with all of it... Just the paperwork was overwhelming, then actually dealing with her own grief and trying to be strong for me and my siblings.

I'm sending you some energy to help you, and keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. :hugz:

If you need to vent, cry or just talk, give me a nudge.

:hugz: galore.

[Toki Wartooth]

Volunteers to help...from shopping , other errands , driving...etc...

You can only ask...my parents taught me that...

What is the worst that can happen ?

You get a no , get yelled at , called a name...

You keep asking , till you get help...

Your mother objects to help , other than commom sense , as
you listed...screw her desires , you need rest...

That is more important than her liking everything...

I would tell my mother I was doing my best...shut up , and stuff it...
but that is the kind being I am...:smileroll...doing my best , but not
putting up with other's bullshit...even my mother...:thumbsup:

Words of wisdom right there. :lol: Thanks for that. I guess I need reminders and nudges every now and then.

On the bright side, we're getting help on one major problem -- my mom's co-worker, Bonnie, and her husband, Alex, are coming over very shortly to take a look at our Ford Focus. Alex goes to car auctions and buys/sells cars, so we may just get rid of this car in a bit. After that's taken care of, we'll worry about getting another car, used.

I think my mom overheard me complaining to a friend on the phone about all the crap I have to do and how tired I am. She seems a bit more gentle with me now, and doesn't seem to expect as much. She knows I do 23749237437 things when she's at work and all, and she even told my aunt/her sister that I'm already doing [insert almost everything here]. It's nice to know that she does notice and acknowledge it. If only she could get a little beyond that to the "thank you" part. Ah, well, baby steps, I guess...

Also going to be talking to a local teacher/mentor about a few things, and maybe that'll help. I can also bring things up at the UU church I've started going to ... there's several very nice, welcoming, caring people over there, so we'll see...


Energy being sent to you both. :hugz:

Thank you. :hugz:


Toki, I understand... We had a lot of the same things to do after my father passed away 12 years ago... :hugz: My mom was so overwhelmed with all of it... Just the paperwork was overwhelming, then actually dealing with her own grief and trying to be strong for me and my siblings.

I'm sending you some energy to help you, and keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. :hugz:

If you need to vent, cry or just talk, give me a nudge.

:hugz: galore.

Oh my gosh, no kidding. I don't have any siblings, but having to be strong enough to take care of all these things? So overwhelming! What hard work!

Thank you very much for all that, Cloaky. I really appreciate it. :hugz: