Gently Gazing Eyes
March 9th, 2003, 03:00 AM
I feel I just had a very moving experience.. it we very enlightening and has reaffirmed for me that I am on the right path to Goddess. It was around 1 AM where I live, and it was the first time I've ever done something with the direct intent of reaching out to Goddess, and it is the first time I got such a powerful response.
I had it set in my mind that I would be going outside tonight after everyone had gone to bed, with the intention of opening my mind to Goddess through meditation. I felt the prying urge to change my shoes, as the time came, and so I did; I changed into a pair of leather slip-on thingies as opposed to the plasticish things I usually wear. I also slipped on my leather jacket as it was a bit chilly. I took with me a flashlight and nothing else.
As I exited the back door and stepped onto the porch, my cat was there to greet me. The neighbourhood dogs began to bay at me as I made my way onto the grass just off of the porch. I sat down and turned out the flashlight, crossed my legs and looked around a bit. I was on the verge of simply not trying it since the dogs were still barking at me and I knew I would be unable to concentrate, but I felt compelled to make an attempt.
So I sat there, with my back straight and my legs bent but not crossed, with my hands resting on my thighs, palm-side up. I allowed my eyes to slip shut and I forced myself to push doubts out of my mind so that I could at least make an honest attempt at meditation. I began to clear my mind entirely, and after a few minutes, a series of events began to occur which I interpret as Goddess's presence and communication with me.
I first tried to focus on not thinking about my breathing, and so I focused on the sounds of nature around me; the sounds of crickets chirping, the sound of my cat moving and breathing several feet away from me.. and I noticed that the dogs had stopped barking. As I focused on the sounds, I thought at first I was simply imagining hearing footsteps or something because I heard the slight rustle of leaves without wind. I opened my eyes to see if perhaps I had been caught, but there was no one around and the sounds stopped.
I made a quick check with the flashlight all around me, to be sure, and there was nothing. So again, I returned along the same procedure; first the crickets, then the cat, and then once more I heard the light rustling of leaves. This time I only let my eyes slip open a bit, and once more there was nothing and the sounds stopped.
The third time, I took more time focusing on each sound I heard, and placed its origin as best I could, and actually envisioned in my mind a little 'map' of where everything was happening around me. When once again I came to the sound of disturbed leaves, I kept my eyes closed this time. I focused on the sounds, and realized it was not the sound of leaves moving and breaking, but of them being tapped by something very small. As I sat there, I began to pray to Goddess, that she fill my heart with peace and give me guidance along the path to Her.
As I said the words aloud, I became aware of the smell of damp earth, yet it had been dry today. The sounds of tapping against the leaves became more distinct, and occurred more often; eventually I felt a raindrop hit my nose. Immediately my eyes came open, and I was gazing back upon the mundane world; the visualization in my mind completely gone. I looked around, and there was no rain, there was no water at all, there was no sound of disturbed leaves. All was as I left it.
Once more, I sat back and attempted meditation, focusing on the crickets, only they had stopped their chiming. So instead I focused on the cat, only she had stopped moving, so all I could hear was my breathing, shadowed by the faint sounds of the cat's breathing as she sat in her water bowl on the porch. (This in itself should have stuck me as odd as she hates water, but it didn't at the time.)
I continued to pray to Goddess, speaking softly as I always do, and I once again asked Her for guidance along my path. I did not ask her for a sign, nor did I ask her for affirmation, yet I feel what happened next was exactly that. The sounds of pitter patter on the leaves once again resumed, the scent of moist earth returned, and the feeling of rain on my skin was felt again. I sat there in prayer, trying to disregard what my physical senses were telling me; I assumed it was raining in my visualization of myself and my surroundings.
After quite some time, the sound of rain became loud, and I heard something in the faint wind, almost like a voice. I could not make out any words at all, and it seemed more a breathy sigh than it did any string of words. I felt suddenly very compelled to open my eyes, and so I did. My eyes opened to see that it was indeed raining now. I looked around and I felt with my hands the wet blades of grass and the dirt that was only slightly damp on the surface. I looked around in amazement, and smiled. I even laughed softly out loud, and I can only imagine the expression on my face.
I let my eyes stay open for the remainder of my time outside, convinced that Goddess was with me. I said my thanks to her, for the things I felt thankful for at the time. I thanked her especially for showing herself to me, and for her presence. I thanked her for her comfort, and asked that she would share her wisdom with me, as I search for the path to her. The rain continued throughout this dialogue, a pleasant rain that was soft and soothing to sit in. A breeze accompanied this rain, from the southeast I remember as I was facing north and it came from my right, and it was cool against my cheek.
After I had said my prayer, given Her thanks and expressed my lover to Her, the rain began to lessen, and I felt that she was in the process of leaving, or perhaps that she was ready to leave. I bid Her thanks once more for coming, and asked that she would be with me as I find my path. I felt very happy and contented, as I sat there, and slowly I felt her presence slip away, as did the rain shortly thereafter. The cat pulled herself out of the water bowl, and then the crickets resumed chirping. The rain came to a total stop and the dogs began to bay at me again, and I knew that She was gone.
It was very enlightening, and it helped to affirm to me that I am on the right path. :)
I had it set in my mind that I would be going outside tonight after everyone had gone to bed, with the intention of opening my mind to Goddess through meditation. I felt the prying urge to change my shoes, as the time came, and so I did; I changed into a pair of leather slip-on thingies as opposed to the plasticish things I usually wear. I also slipped on my leather jacket as it was a bit chilly. I took with me a flashlight and nothing else.
As I exited the back door and stepped onto the porch, my cat was there to greet me. The neighbourhood dogs began to bay at me as I made my way onto the grass just off of the porch. I sat down and turned out the flashlight, crossed my legs and looked around a bit. I was on the verge of simply not trying it since the dogs were still barking at me and I knew I would be unable to concentrate, but I felt compelled to make an attempt.
So I sat there, with my back straight and my legs bent but not crossed, with my hands resting on my thighs, palm-side up. I allowed my eyes to slip shut and I forced myself to push doubts out of my mind so that I could at least make an honest attempt at meditation. I began to clear my mind entirely, and after a few minutes, a series of events began to occur which I interpret as Goddess's presence and communication with me.
I first tried to focus on not thinking about my breathing, and so I focused on the sounds of nature around me; the sounds of crickets chirping, the sound of my cat moving and breathing several feet away from me.. and I noticed that the dogs had stopped barking. As I focused on the sounds, I thought at first I was simply imagining hearing footsteps or something because I heard the slight rustle of leaves without wind. I opened my eyes to see if perhaps I had been caught, but there was no one around and the sounds stopped.
I made a quick check with the flashlight all around me, to be sure, and there was nothing. So again, I returned along the same procedure; first the crickets, then the cat, and then once more I heard the light rustling of leaves. This time I only let my eyes slip open a bit, and once more there was nothing and the sounds stopped.
The third time, I took more time focusing on each sound I heard, and placed its origin as best I could, and actually envisioned in my mind a little 'map' of where everything was happening around me. When once again I came to the sound of disturbed leaves, I kept my eyes closed this time. I focused on the sounds, and realized it was not the sound of leaves moving and breaking, but of them being tapped by something very small. As I sat there, I began to pray to Goddess, that she fill my heart with peace and give me guidance along the path to Her.
As I said the words aloud, I became aware of the smell of damp earth, yet it had been dry today. The sounds of tapping against the leaves became more distinct, and occurred more often; eventually I felt a raindrop hit my nose. Immediately my eyes came open, and I was gazing back upon the mundane world; the visualization in my mind completely gone. I looked around, and there was no rain, there was no water at all, there was no sound of disturbed leaves. All was as I left it.
Once more, I sat back and attempted meditation, focusing on the crickets, only they had stopped their chiming. So instead I focused on the cat, only she had stopped moving, so all I could hear was my breathing, shadowed by the faint sounds of the cat's breathing as she sat in her water bowl on the porch. (This in itself should have stuck me as odd as she hates water, but it didn't at the time.)
I continued to pray to Goddess, speaking softly as I always do, and I once again asked Her for guidance along my path. I did not ask her for a sign, nor did I ask her for affirmation, yet I feel what happened next was exactly that. The sounds of pitter patter on the leaves once again resumed, the scent of moist earth returned, and the feeling of rain on my skin was felt again. I sat there in prayer, trying to disregard what my physical senses were telling me; I assumed it was raining in my visualization of myself and my surroundings.
After quite some time, the sound of rain became loud, and I heard something in the faint wind, almost like a voice. I could not make out any words at all, and it seemed more a breathy sigh than it did any string of words. I felt suddenly very compelled to open my eyes, and so I did. My eyes opened to see that it was indeed raining now. I looked around and I felt with my hands the wet blades of grass and the dirt that was only slightly damp on the surface. I looked around in amazement, and smiled. I even laughed softly out loud, and I can only imagine the expression on my face.
I let my eyes stay open for the remainder of my time outside, convinced that Goddess was with me. I said my thanks to her, for the things I felt thankful for at the time. I thanked her especially for showing herself to me, and for her presence. I thanked her for her comfort, and asked that she would share her wisdom with me, as I search for the path to her. The rain continued throughout this dialogue, a pleasant rain that was soft and soothing to sit in. A breeze accompanied this rain, from the southeast I remember as I was facing north and it came from my right, and it was cool against my cheek.
After I had said my prayer, given Her thanks and expressed my lover to Her, the rain began to lessen, and I felt that she was in the process of leaving, or perhaps that she was ready to leave. I bid Her thanks once more for coming, and asked that she would be with me as I find my path. I felt very happy and contented, as I sat there, and slowly I felt her presence slip away, as did the rain shortly thereafter. The cat pulled herself out of the water bowl, and then the crickets resumed chirping. The rain came to a total stop and the dogs began to bay at me again, and I knew that She was gone.
It was very enlightening, and it helped to affirm to me that I am on the right path. :)