What am I going to do??

[Annyka]

At the moment I am doing my practical assesment for my teaching degree in Australia.

Today one of the girls in my class (aged 12) told me she was thinking about killing herself...

I have no idea what to do. I have an obligation to tell the classroom teacher, yet she asked me not to tell anyone. How can I keep my obligation and her trust at the same time???????? I have been in her postion and remember what it was like to lose that trust and how I then went recluse and refused to tell anything to anyone afterwards (which made things worse at the time)

I have spoken to my supervisor who has told me I have no choice what so ever - I have to tell the classroom teacher, so what I would like is some energy for the girl, to help her realise life is worth living.

Any advise on how I can make her realise I didn't tell the teacher to betray her trust would be helpful too :(

Thanks in advance

Annyka

[Phoenix Blue]

Just talk to her, and tell her you had no choice. By law, you had to tell the classroom teacher. She may not like it, but quite honestly, it's for the best.

Energy and warm thoughts for both of you. :)

[Lunacie]

Ditto what PB said. (((Annyka))) Hugs and energy for all concerned, may her parents be supportive and understanding and may she find a good therapist or counselor.

[punkymister]

I'd say sit down with her and tell her that it is normal procedure to tell the the classroom teacher, and you didn't mean to hurt her in any degree.

I think it would be a good idea if the girl went to see a guidance counsellor or someone she could confide in and is trained, to sort out her problems. I'm sure things aren't as bad as they seem! They usually never are.

[Old Witch]

I agree with everything said above.....Talk to her.....Tell her as an adult and a caring person that you were obligated legally and morally to tell her classroom teacher......

[Toad]

I agree that you must tell her teacher. The only thing I can suggest alternatively is that you not worry so much in saying that by law you are required to tell the teacher...rather as her friend/fellow human being you had to do everything you could to prevent her from hurting herself. Perhaps this is nitpicking...just trying to put myself in the position of the 12yr old...I would find someone saying they did it because of some rule would hurt me more than someone who violated a trust (in her mind) becuase they cared about me.

Energy sent for you and the girl. Even though this girl will most likely be upset, for now, she will one day understand. Sorry you have to deal with this situation Annyka...but bless you for having the courage to do whats right! :)

[Faery-Wings]

Annyka, I went through something similar when I was in practicum- teaching 7th grade creative writing. I was scared for the girl, who was expressing herself through her writing in a graphic manner. Sadly, my supervisor opted to say since nothing was directly said, I was under no obligation to say anything. In fact, she pretty much told me to not say anything, not to rock the boat. I was ina Catholic college and the girl was in a Cathoic Jr high and the ties were strong between them. To this day, I wonder if I should have opened my mouth.


Good luck and energy sent to you and this girl- I hope it all works out well.

[Flar's Freyja]

At the moment I am doing my practical assesment for my teaching degree in Australia.

Today one of the girls in my class (aged 12) told me she was thinking about killing herself...

I have no idea what to do. I have an obligation to tell the classroom teacher, yet she asked me not to tell anyone. How can I keep my obligation and her trust at the same time???????? I have been in her postion and remember what it was like to lose that trust and how I then went recluse and refused to tell anything to anyone afterwards (which made things worse at the time)

I have spoken to my supervisor who has told me I have no choice what so ever - I have to tell the classroom teacher, so what I would like is some energy for the girl, to help her realise life is worth living.

Any advise on how I can make her realise I didn't tell the teacher to betray her trust would be helpful too :(

Thanks in advance

Annyka

I'm not sure where you live, but since I've lived in two different states at different ends of the country with the same laws regarding this I'm going to assume that they are likely to be similar everywhere. It's also a universal ethic of the National Association of Social Workers. You can always make these reports anonymously but if it should come up, you can simply tell her that while there are some things you can keep confidential, it is both your employer's policy and state law that someone in your position is required to report any information indicating that someone intends to harm themselves or someone else, so you have no choice - and of course that you spoke up because you care.

Remember also that statistically, many females threaten suicide for attention and when they actually follow through and kill themselves, it's usually accidental. More males actually go through with the act. Oh yeah, I'm sure that makes you feel better :( but it's true.

Sending healing and protective energies for you both.

[kblackthorne]

Having been on her side...

You might want to recommend to her that SHE talk to the teacher.

I've been the 11-year-old quietly trying to kill myself with overdoses on OTC medicines... and the 16-year-old who realized she as about to try again, and had a better chance of succeeding this time.

Make it a positive thing -- someone she can go to for help, for understanding, for someone to talk to.


When -- at 16 -- I talked to my health teacher, whe was required by law to notify others within the school, including the guidance counselor.

She told me she had to go to him,but made it a positive thing: thought I should set up some meetings with him.

Ms. Ficci was great. I trusted her, and felt safe talking to her. I was really disappointed when she suggested sessions with a man I hardly knew (though she did let me know she was still there for me). But... that man saved my life.

Not just kept me from killing myself, but truly gave me the skills I needed to make the best of my impossible situation, and see my options. (At that point in my life, there seemed to be only two possible solutions to each problem. He taught me to see countless options. And once I could see them, I could choose between them.) Without him, I would not have recognized my chance to get out of that place when it came.


Make this a positive thing. Even if it's just one more person who would miss her badly if she were gone.

[Annyka]

Thankyou everyone for your support...

I told the teacher today and everything worked out very well. Because she has done this a few times (mentioned suicide to new teachers) and has a councillor she sees, the teacher decided to take an approach which would not betray her trust, yet help her.

The teacher told me to talk to the girl using the approach I felt was correct (putting myself in her position and returning to how I felt in that position) and then I was to relay it to the teacher. If things seemed ok after this, then we would leave things as they are (all the people required to know legally do), if things seemed more serious then expected, then we would decide what to do from there.

The girl ended up telling me that she was just feeling down yesterday and she was ok now and things were better.

The teacher is just now watching her that little bit closer for a while too....

(at least I don't feel like I have to bare the responsibility all alone now)...

(must have been all the energies everyone sent - thank you all!!) :D

Annyka

[Faery-Wings]

I am glad that things worked out well, and I hope that this girl continues to get the help she needs from her teacher and counselor.

Well done for you too!

[Phoenix Blue]

I'm glad things worked out well, too, but I think this girl needs more than counseling. She needs to see about a psychiatric evaluation. Threatening suicide on a regular basis is a fairly telling sign that something isn't right in her head.

[Annyka]

Yeah, but it is out of my hands now. I am not allowed to do anything else.

[CycleBrewer]

True, but you can keep your eye on her as long as she is in your classroom. Talk to her, and hope that she will still have confidence in you.

CycleBrewer

[kblackthorne]

Oh, there are things you can still do.

Like let her know on a regular basis that you care about her.

Like -- just as a matter of course -- pointing out the less-devastating side when things go "wrong". (The whole silver-lining thing. There's usually a hidden benefit -- or at least a hidden lesson -- in every set-back. Point osme of these out when she's disappointed. It will teach her to find them herself.)

Like pointing out the value she has. Most girls that age who are suicidal have a pretty crappy self-image. Can't imagine anything about themselves having worth. No matter how much others may disagree.

(And these are things that would benefit all your charges, not just this girl.)

I'm glad you & she got through this. And I hope she finds the healing she needs.