bellamandu
November 16th, 2003, 06:55 PM
okay you guys, its kind long i apologize:
i have all these spirits that follow me and stuff. here recently i've had, almost every single night, these horrible horrible nightmares. sometimes ill have four or five a night. some were scary, some were just weird, and some of them i felt like, if i didnt wake up, i was going to die somehow. and im not talking about "oh no the monster is chasing me!" kind of dream, its the kind of stuff where im actually afraid to go to sleep at night because i know im going to have these dreams. and see, the weird part is, most of the time, i know im dreaming, i just cant wake myself up. i'll literally start punching myself and screaming at the top of my lungs to try to either wake myself up or hopefully alert someone else to wake me up. then it comes to the point where i start thrashing my head bakc in forth, and ill sort of come out of the dream for a second, then ill fall back asleep because for some reason, its like someone is forcing my eyes back shut. i know there are some spirits or a spirit causing it for some reason. so, a couple of weeks ago, i asked if it could stop giving me these dreams, because i was really starting to get ill because i was so sleep deprived. i told the spirit that it was okay if it was even trying to tell me something, but please dont try to do it so harshly in my dreams, to kind of tone them down at least. I also constructed a little bag that i wear all the time, especially when i sleep, to protect me from any spiritual harm anyone would be trying to do to me while i sleep. so, for a while i didnt have any dreams period. then, they started coming back, little by little, until now they are still very weird, but not weird enough that i am totally frightened, they are just enough to startle me and maybe even make me cry.
So, just the other night i left my bag at my bpyfriends house, but i didnt know it. before i went to sleep, as usual, i reach up around my neck to make sure it was still there. i felt it, and even fondeled it a little. so i feel asleep. I had one of my nighmares. it felt like the spirits were almost angry that they had missed all this time to give me nightmares, so they DEFINATELY made it for it. and this one was the whopper. i woke up, and realized i didnt have the bag the whole night. so i forced myself to stay up the rest of the night, or at least until i could get my bag back. see, the problem is, i dont want to banish the spirits. while im awake, they dont seem to want to hurt me. i even engage in some conversations with them. also, there are a few spirits who are even my friends. if i banish the spirits, i will lose all of them, because i dont know which one is causing the dreams. i know that they give me dreams all the time, but i cant figure out which on is causing my nightmares. there are two spirits of particular interest to me though. one, as far as i can recall, used to be an undertaker. he was a priest, or at least he passed himself off as one. everything that i have seen, picture wise, has been given to me from dreams. he has very raged, dusty looking cloths. either black or brown, veyr faded. and he has very long, scraggly hair. he almost reminds me of rob zombie when he gets all dressed up. but every time i see him, i only see from the shoulders down. the other spirit, is a female. she is very tall, almost to the ceiling. she has a sister, named rose, who is actually a good friend of mine. her sister is very sweet, she might even sometimes curl up next to me when im laying in bed, almost childlike. but this girl, on the other hand, there is something strange about her. they are both wearing the same white dress. very victorian looking. kind of like the dress described in the alice stories you hear down in the south. also, i cant see her face. all i see is this big black smudge where her face should be. i cant tell if she just has dark colored hair over her face, or if she just doesnt want me to see it, so she hides it. and she doesnt do anything. everywhere she is, she just stands there and stares at me. no movements. its almost like shes frozen or something. Until one incident here recently: i have guardian dragons and companion dragons and such. every night befoer i go to sleep i ask them to protect me from anyone or anything trying to harm me. usually, though, they wont show up unless its serious, except for my little baby dragon. so anyway, she was standing there as usual, and i was asking her not to stand and stare at me because i couldnt sleep. i didnt think anything weird of it, because i always ask her of this, and she leaves me alone. but for some reason, out of nowhere, her head tilits real fast, like i pissed her off or something. you see? shes standing over my shoulder right now, with me talking to her. anyways, so, out of the blue, two large, almost identical dragons, show up, and each grap her by one arm, like they are trying to restrain her. she starts thrashing and tossing, and for a minute, i can almost make out her facial features, like she forgot to "turn them off", for lack of a better phrase. i had to run out of my room, but when i did, i had to sort of run through her to get to my door. when i did, i almost fell to my knees. ever since then, she wont let in anybody elses spirits into my room. its almost like shes got a cage around my door, locking them out.
i dont know if these spirits have anything to do with my dreams, or if its something completely different, but i need help with both. i dont want to ban these spirits, because i welcome everything into my life, as long as they agree not to harm me.
i need help.
i have all these spirits that follow me and stuff. here recently i've had, almost every single night, these horrible horrible nightmares. sometimes ill have four or five a night. some were scary, some were just weird, and some of them i felt like, if i didnt wake up, i was going to die somehow. and im not talking about "oh no the monster is chasing me!" kind of dream, its the kind of stuff where im actually afraid to go to sleep at night because i know im going to have these dreams. and see, the weird part is, most of the time, i know im dreaming, i just cant wake myself up. i'll literally start punching myself and screaming at the top of my lungs to try to either wake myself up or hopefully alert someone else to wake me up. then it comes to the point where i start thrashing my head bakc in forth, and ill sort of come out of the dream for a second, then ill fall back asleep because for some reason, its like someone is forcing my eyes back shut. i know there are some spirits or a spirit causing it for some reason. so, a couple of weeks ago, i asked if it could stop giving me these dreams, because i was really starting to get ill because i was so sleep deprived. i told the spirit that it was okay if it was even trying to tell me something, but please dont try to do it so harshly in my dreams, to kind of tone them down at least. I also constructed a little bag that i wear all the time, especially when i sleep, to protect me from any spiritual harm anyone would be trying to do to me while i sleep. so, for a while i didnt have any dreams period. then, they started coming back, little by little, until now they are still very weird, but not weird enough that i am totally frightened, they are just enough to startle me and maybe even make me cry.
So, just the other night i left my bag at my bpyfriends house, but i didnt know it. before i went to sleep, as usual, i reach up around my neck to make sure it was still there. i felt it, and even fondeled it a little. so i feel asleep. I had one of my nighmares. it felt like the spirits were almost angry that they had missed all this time to give me nightmares, so they DEFINATELY made it for it. and this one was the whopper. i woke up, and realized i didnt have the bag the whole night. so i forced myself to stay up the rest of the night, or at least until i could get my bag back. see, the problem is, i dont want to banish the spirits. while im awake, they dont seem to want to hurt me. i even engage in some conversations with them. also, there are a few spirits who are even my friends. if i banish the spirits, i will lose all of them, because i dont know which one is causing the dreams. i know that they give me dreams all the time, but i cant figure out which on is causing my nightmares. there are two spirits of particular interest to me though. one, as far as i can recall, used to be an undertaker. he was a priest, or at least he passed himself off as one. everything that i have seen, picture wise, has been given to me from dreams. he has very raged, dusty looking cloths. either black or brown, veyr faded. and he has very long, scraggly hair. he almost reminds me of rob zombie when he gets all dressed up. but every time i see him, i only see from the shoulders down. the other spirit, is a female. she is very tall, almost to the ceiling. she has a sister, named rose, who is actually a good friend of mine. her sister is very sweet, she might even sometimes curl up next to me when im laying in bed, almost childlike. but this girl, on the other hand, there is something strange about her. they are both wearing the same white dress. very victorian looking. kind of like the dress described in the alice stories you hear down in the south. also, i cant see her face. all i see is this big black smudge where her face should be. i cant tell if she just has dark colored hair over her face, or if she just doesnt want me to see it, so she hides it. and she doesnt do anything. everywhere she is, she just stands there and stares at me. no movements. its almost like shes frozen or something. Until one incident here recently: i have guardian dragons and companion dragons and such. every night befoer i go to sleep i ask them to protect me from anyone or anything trying to harm me. usually, though, they wont show up unless its serious, except for my little baby dragon. so anyway, she was standing there as usual, and i was asking her not to stand and stare at me because i couldnt sleep. i didnt think anything weird of it, because i always ask her of this, and she leaves me alone. but for some reason, out of nowhere, her head tilits real fast, like i pissed her off or something. you see? shes standing over my shoulder right now, with me talking to her. anyways, so, out of the blue, two large, almost identical dragons, show up, and each grap her by one arm, like they are trying to restrain her. she starts thrashing and tossing, and for a minute, i can almost make out her facial features, like she forgot to "turn them off", for lack of a better phrase. i had to run out of my room, but when i did, i had to sort of run through her to get to my door. when i did, i almost fell to my knees. ever since then, she wont let in anybody elses spirits into my room. its almost like shes got a cage around my door, locking them out.
i dont know if these spirits have anything to do with my dreams, or if its something completely different, but i need help with both. i dont want to ban these spirits, because i welcome everything into my life, as long as they agree not to harm me.
i need help.