One of my best friends is a victim of child abuse... and I don't know what to do

[broodingseeker]

Today I was sitting with my 2 best friends like normal in morning lobby, when my friend's boyfriend walked up. I didn't notice at the time, but later found out he had a black eye... I guess it looked a little red but he's on the football team and didn't think another thing of it. I later was ambushed by a crying friend who told us that his father had hit him, punched him in the face. Now I was shocked, this kid is the nicest guy ever, quiet, introverted, yet strong and respectful. We managed to calm her down enough with hugs and "I love you's",
and told her just to get through the day and we'd deal with it after school. I met her at the end of the day and proceeded to drag her back to the lobby where we all meet again after school is out. She didn't want to see her boyfriend, because she said "it" was broken... I don't really understand what that meant but she said she loved him still, but just couldn't deal with it. We managed to get her to the lobby anyway were they eventually hugged and cried, kissed and made up so to speak... along with the watering eyes of me and 3 other friends. We've gotten the idea into their heads that its not any of our's faults. But we have no idea where to go from here... what do we do or say? I don't know what to do to help them, but I swear I love my friends... they ARE my family... I don't know what can fix this magical or otherwise, but I just need help...

[Tabby]

I am sorry to ask this but how old are you and your friends? Can you talk to your parents about it? Or how about a school counsler?

[Shanti]

This must be reported. Police, school counseler. It has to. Adults that abuse kids must be stopped. Please stop him from hurting your friend again..now!!!!

[broodingseeker]

we're 16 and 17... I don't have a great relationship with my mom... we don't talk about stuff... but I definately think we need to tell someone... but its not my decision... I'll try to talk my friends into it tomorrow

[Kalika]

:hugz:

The best resolution is to have the person who is being abused talk to someone in authority. A teacher they are close to, guidance counselor, principal, social worker, police.... if they are being abused, they need to tell someone.

As for what you can do for them... be there for a shoulder, a hand to hold, an ear to listen....

If they plan to confront the issue, help them arrange for someplace else to stay. Help them figure out what to say and what to do. Be a support column.

:huddle:

Thoughts are with you and your friends.

Blessings,

Kalika

[Shanti]

I know that a kid is often afraid to report a parent. Please keep in mind what is safest for your friend.

[Hope]

The Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

A lot of people don't realize it, but every day in the United States thousands of kids are abused. That adds up to millions of kids each year.

Often children and teens are abused by the people who are closest to them like family, friends, sitters, neighbors and sometimes even teachers and coaches. These are the very people that children should feel the safest with.

If you need help or have questions about child abuse, call the Childhelp USA® National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) then push 1 to talk to a counselor. The hotline counselors are there 365 days a year to help kids, and adults who are worried about kids they suspect are being abused. You can call this number if you live in the United States, Canada, Puerto Rico, Guam or the U.S. Virgin Islands.

The call is free and anonymous. (The hotline counselors don't know who you are and you don't have to tell them.) There won't be a charge for the call on your telephone bill if you use a regular phone or a pay phone. If you use a mobile phone or cell phone, there may be a charge and it may show up on the telephone bill. Don't use a mobile or cell phone if you want to be sure your call is a secret. But please...do not make prank calls to the hotline. This will tie up the phones and keep us from talking to someone who really needs help right away.


You Should Know
No one has the right to abuse you.
You don't deserve to be abused.
If you are being abused, you are a victim.
It's not your fault that you are being treated this way.
It is wrong that you are suffering this pain, fear or sadness.
You are not alone. Other kids suffer abuse, too.
Sometimes abusers scare or threaten kids so they won't tell.
There are people who care about you and want to help you.
If you are being abused, please tell a safe person - that's someone you can trust like a teacher, counselor, school nurse, neighbor or parent. You can also talk to a Childhelp USA hotline counselor.

Protect Yourself

How to protect yourself from abuse
Do not be alone with someone you don't feel safe with.
Do not be alone with anyone who hurts you.
Listen to the little voice inside when it says that what is being done to you isn't right.
Find an adult you trust and tell them what is happening. If they don't believe you, keep telling until someone does believe you.

The adult you talk to about your abuse (perhaps a teacher or a neighbor) may want to tell the police or child protective services about the person who is hurting you. If they don't know the telephone number to call to make the report, they should call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) and press 1 to speak with a hotline crisis counselor, who will give them the number to call in your community.
If you are too nervous or scared to tell someone you know about the abuse, but want it reported to the people who look into child abuse, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), then press 1. A Childhelp USA hotline counselor can make a three-way call so that you, the hotline counselor, and the person taking the report in your area are all on the telephone at the same time.

Before you call to make the report, the hotline counselor can tell you what may happen after a report of abuse is made.

all taken from a site I believe in and trust and use in my own work
http://www.childhelpusa.org/index.htm

EVEN if your friend will not call PLEASE you call.

Just talk to them about what you know, and let them give you advice, please ((hugs))

love
hope

[Shanti]

Please take hopes advice. Talk to the helpline. Please.

[SacredWithin]

we're 16 and 17... I don't have a great relationship with my mom... we don't talk about stuff... but I definately think we need to tell someone... but its not my decision... I'll try to talk my friends into it tomorrow

I'm the same age, so I'll see if I can help you...

hmmm... if I were in that situation... well, seeing as I have a big mouth when it comes to situations like that, I would run to the best facility around and get help. If any of you are able to drive, see if you can get help with a local youth group or something if he's too afraid of the police and public attention.

But he should have emergency back up at home. He needs to keep the phone nearby to call the police or something if anything happens.

I remember watching a stage play by a wonderful man named Tyler Perry and there was a point in the play where he speaks to a woman about men and abuse. He says something along the lines of, "If he threatens to lift a finger at you or anything, threaten to call the police with all your strength. If he goes and picks up the phone, you better run like hell!"

I don't know what else to say. I wish the best for you and your friends. Stay together. :huddle: But I'd say get your hands on some seriously professional help.

[Nighthawk]

Child abuse. ANY kind of abuse is unacceptable, and the person must stop. Whatever it takes... Hope is correct. Please turn it in...

[Kelley]

As a survivor of parental abuse I can honestly tell you that until you friend gets help and makes it clear that they are not a human punching bag it can only get worse.

My father lost me at the age of 15. He mistook me for a painting that needed to be hung, by my throat. At the time the police were on his side, but it isn't like that anymore.

Hope is right your friend needs to get help.

I haven't seen my father in over 5 years for the sake of my children. Between him and his psycho wife (not my mother) they seemed to make my life a living hell even to the point of putting a hatchet to my gas meter so they could look like heros -- long story, it didn't work. My house is still standing too.

Bottom line, it can and possibly will only get worse. Get your friend out while you still have a friend to help.

Sasha

[Pesha]

Sweetheart, tell someone you trust. This is very important. My love and blessings to to all of you.

BB
DS.

[Hoot]

(((broodingseeker))) The post Hope wrote is full of good advice and contacts. Try to calm down and think carefully about the best ways to get help in protecting your friend.

Sending you and (((your friend))) love and energy - for calm strength to get through, and for finding the best way to do it.

Be careful. :huddle:

[broodingseeker]

I thank everyone for their good opinions and advice. We sat down today and talked about what were going to do... my two best friends and I. We're going to have a group conversation with the victim and see how he feels and what action he wants to take. We've gone through a lot of possible senarios and have been attempting to brace ourselves for the worst reactions... thanks everyone for their help. My friends and I are going to be fine, I'm pretty confident of that. :huddle: to everyone who has helped me. Thank you again. I'll keep you updated with any actions we take or any other updates.

[Shanti]

Thank You for keeping us updated. Please let us know how your friend does.
I wish yous the strength to get through.

[Hope]

please consider calling the number your self even if the friend won't -- to let them give you some more ideas

you could stay anon and tell them where you are city/state and they could give you local contacts

that we wouldn't have and that you may be unaware of

it can't hurt to call ((hugs))

love
hope