Kenshi ~
September 18th, 2004, 05:29 PM
I also would like to say that the peer counsellor idea is a very thoughtful one. Especially in a community that understands and respects your religious beliefs.
The reason I'm here is because I'm starting a new period in my life and I just don't feel ready for it. I've expressed this to my family and a few friends, and they have given me words of courage, which have failed in giving me confidence. No one seems to understand my anxiety.
This year (actually in week's time) I'll be starting university (I'm 19 by the way) and literally, I'm scared. First of all, there is the 'being a total stranger' feeling and the 'not knowing anyone' thing, but I've been living here (in Bulgaria. I'm originally from Turkey) for 3 years and I admit that I still don't have any friends. I had two decent friends during this 3-year period and both of them have left and I'm alone once again. Everyone I know has assured me that I will meet new friends in university, yet I very much doubt it. While I was a private student in my previous school here, I didn't have any friends, just aquaintances and all of them were very much the opposite of me in almost every way. One girl used to talk to me in my first year (that would be 10th grade), but I'm very confident that she was just using me to improve her English, as she wouldn't pay much attention to what I said. You might wonder why didn't I find friends outside my school. Well, the thing is most of the young crowd here, in the city I happen to live (which also happens to be the second-biggest city in Bulgaria) in, hang out at nightclubs and discotheques and I, for one, am not quite fond of them. There is one place I want to go to, a nightclub for alternative types, but I don't want to go there alone and there's no one to accompany me.
Secondly (and this happens to be my major problem), I realise that going to university is another step closer to being an adult. And I don't know why, but it scares the hell out of me. I know I will be responsible for myself (and the idea doesn't scare me so much), but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to look-out for myself. I don't feel like I could cope with living. I don't mean to sound suicidal here, but I don't even know what I need to do to get a license plate for the car that my dad got me. I don't feel ready for living like an adult and I don't think university will change my thoughts or my character.
Perhaps the reason for my fear is because I'm somewhat passive and I've had people do things for me all my life. Even when I was getting registered for the university I'm going to attend, I hardly did anything. Not that I did know what to do. I can guess what people would say, "Take control of your life, be more active and brave!'. But I can't. I don't know how to. I did kind of 'grow up' by myself, as my parents divorced when I was 11 and my dad didn't both have the time (due to his job) and the parenting skills to guide me. He grew up away from his parents and he says that he takes pride in how he took care of himself while he was away from home and how he learnt his 'living skills'. But I'm not like him and I'm really afraid. Afraid of confronting the real world and what life will throw at me.
I hope I haven't bored anyone to death but I'm really confused and my family doesn't seem to understand what it means to be this way...
The reason I'm here is because I'm starting a new period in my life and I just don't feel ready for it. I've expressed this to my family and a few friends, and they have given me words of courage, which have failed in giving me confidence. No one seems to understand my anxiety.
This year (actually in week's time) I'll be starting university (I'm 19 by the way) and literally, I'm scared. First of all, there is the 'being a total stranger' feeling and the 'not knowing anyone' thing, but I've been living here (in Bulgaria. I'm originally from Turkey) for 3 years and I admit that I still don't have any friends. I had two decent friends during this 3-year period and both of them have left and I'm alone once again. Everyone I know has assured me that I will meet new friends in university, yet I very much doubt it. While I was a private student in my previous school here, I didn't have any friends, just aquaintances and all of them were very much the opposite of me in almost every way. One girl used to talk to me in my first year (that would be 10th grade), but I'm very confident that she was just using me to improve her English, as she wouldn't pay much attention to what I said. You might wonder why didn't I find friends outside my school. Well, the thing is most of the young crowd here, in the city I happen to live (which also happens to be the second-biggest city in Bulgaria) in, hang out at nightclubs and discotheques and I, for one, am not quite fond of them. There is one place I want to go to, a nightclub for alternative types, but I don't want to go there alone and there's no one to accompany me.
Secondly (and this happens to be my major problem), I realise that going to university is another step closer to being an adult. And I don't know why, but it scares the hell out of me. I know I will be responsible for myself (and the idea doesn't scare me so much), but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to look-out for myself. I don't feel like I could cope with living. I don't mean to sound suicidal here, but I don't even know what I need to do to get a license plate for the car that my dad got me. I don't feel ready for living like an adult and I don't think university will change my thoughts or my character.
Perhaps the reason for my fear is because I'm somewhat passive and I've had people do things for me all my life. Even when I was getting registered for the university I'm going to attend, I hardly did anything. Not that I did know what to do. I can guess what people would say, "Take control of your life, be more active and brave!'. But I can't. I don't know how to. I did kind of 'grow up' by myself, as my parents divorced when I was 11 and my dad didn't both have the time (due to his job) and the parenting skills to guide me. He grew up away from his parents and he says that he takes pride in how he took care of himself while he was away from home and how he learnt his 'living skills'. But I'm not like him and I'm really afraid. Afraid of confronting the real world and what life will throw at me.
I hope I haven't bored anyone to death but I'm really confused and my family doesn't seem to understand what it means to be this way...