Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Valkyrie's Venue

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #61
    Exhaustion

    Hello my dearest one,

    It feels strange to write to you, I have wanted to communicate with you, but someone from our past found me through this post and it upset me.

    I need to talk to you though, even if it is only a couple of times a year. I started talking to you, out loud, which is starting to upset people. So, here I am again.

    And I just wrote a long, heartfelt post and deleted it. I am self-editing which is a bad thing.

    I will try this again later when I am not so self conscious.

    Oh, I thought of something to add:

    I got an ebook for a gift and I found out why it isn't a good idea for me to have access to instant books. I have to hold myself to a strict budget and I no longer sleep. (I used to sleep in the time between finishing my book and the bookstore opening. Now I can start a new book as soon as the old is done.)

    I am exhausted so I am going to force myself to go to sleep.

    Hopefully.

    Wish me luck!
    The dreamer extends
    the darkness the privilege
    of watching his soul
    go mad.


    -Rod McKuen

    Comment


    • #62
      Nightmares

      I just woke up from a nightmare about my mother.

      She was slowly being cut apart... losing pieces of herself until she was nothing but a scarred torso and a head.

      Cancer is a horrid disease.

      I wish my dreams were not quite so vivid.
      The dreamer extends
      the darkness the privilege
      of watching his soul
      go mad.


      -Rod McKuen

      Comment


      • #63
        Self Editing

        I am being battered by the truth of your death, by well meaning people who do not understand why I write to you instead of talking to them.

        I wish they would leave me alone, no, I wish they would leave us alone.

        I have decided to move. I am applying for jobs all over the country.

        I am going to start again. New job. New city. New friends.

        I wanted to talk to you about a new habit I have: every night I go to sleep in my own bed and every morning I wake in the Vamp's bed.

        He says I walk into his room sobbing and crawl under the covers with him and I cry and cry. He has started setting an alarm for me (he leaves the house hours before I have to wake up).

        What does it mean? Why am I doing this? Will I hear about this tomorrow on Facebook??
        The dreamer extends
        the darkness the privilege
        of watching his soul
        go mad.


        -Rod McKuen

        Comment


        • #64
          Rejections

          Hello again my dearest one,

          I am about to start a new week and I do not look forward to the rejection letters I fear are coming my way.

          I wish you were still here. You believed in me, more than I believe in myself.

          I need someone to believe in me right now.
          The dreamer extends
          the darkness the privilege
          of watching his soul
          go mad.


          -Rod McKuen

          Comment


          • #65
            Feeling Better

            I have been sick recently and the vamp came into my room to check on me. He shook me awake and gave me my medicine and asked how I was.

            One of the cats was sleeping on the pillow next to my head. She stood up and started talking to him.

            Meow, meow, meow.

            They had a long conversation while I woke up enough to answer him. It made me laugh, which made me cough, which made me tired.

            I am feeling better and hopefully will not need to go back to the hospital.

            Whenever I have to go to the hospital I think of Rothenburg and the Spital Bastion: I remember you explaining where the word "Hospital" came from and the older German woman who overheard us and explained that Hospitality, Hostel and Hotel came from the same roots. We ended up staying at her family's Gastehaus, remember it had yellow walls with an apple tree espaliered across them?

            I still have the polaroid she took of us, I was wearing a white shirt and a navy skirt and you were sporting a moustache.

            We look so young and happy.
            The dreamer extends
            the darkness the privilege
            of watching his soul
            go mad.


            -Rod McKuen

            Comment


            • #66
              Solstice

              Hello again my love,

              I spoke too soon in my last message - I am still sick. I have an infection and my fever is spiking over 104.


              Every time my damn fever spikes I get a new fever blister.


              I was at the hospital, waiting at the lab, and I started talking to the man sitting beside me... We started talking about computers and gaming and he was very flirty.

              I looked horrid. I haven't been to a stylist in ages, the roots of what little hair I have are pure white and the ends are dark brown... I have a scab from my bottom lip to the tip of my nose from the fever blisters, and I'm running a fever so I'm flushed.

              The vamp was sitting across the room and he looked up from his book and shook his head at the flirting, and said he can't take me anywhere.

              I laughed so hard I started coughing and I couldn't catch my breath. (The vamp says if I have to give myself a nickname it should be "Coffee Girl" instead of "Coffin Girl" because it is more upbeat... You know how I feel about that Pollyanna bull)

              I know I'm getting old because I appreciate pity flirts and they do make me feel better.

              Am I shallow or what??
              The dreamer extends
              the darkness the privilege
              of watching his soul
              go mad.


              -Rod McKuen

              Comment


              • #67
                Messages from the gods.

                Well, I am posting this from one of the most beautiful hotels I have ever been in. I love everything about this hotel from the shape of the building, to the lobby, to the airy walkways, to the room size (huge with a gorgeous sitting room, cute kitchenette and a large bedroom with a beautiful view of downtown Dallas).

                The highway at night looks like a sparkling necklace of diamonds and rubies.

                That is the good news.

                The bad news is that the man that I planned a romantic weekend with got sick after we ate dinner on Friday night and has been either sleeping or in the bathroom the rest of the time.

                Luckily there is a pharmacy within walking distance and I was able to get him Imoduim and Gatoraide (and me some air freshener) late Friday night.

                I spent time in the lobby and the lounge because I didn't want to spend my entire weekend sitting in the room. I met a couple of nice women and I got into a conversation with a man whose gaming philosophy I disagreed with.

                I also learned something strange about myself this weekend. I found it much less embarrassing to go to the front desk and ask for extra toilet paper than I did when I phoned down and asked for extra toilet paper.

                Yes, it has been that bad of a weekend. Do you think the gods are trying to tell me something?


                At least I've added a romantic Dallas hotel to my contacts list. Hopefully the next time I come here it will be more successful.
                The dreamer extends
                the darkness the privilege
                of watching his soul
                go mad.


                -Rod McKuen

                Comment


                • #68
                  Drama, Drama Everywhere...

                  Hello my dearest one.

                  I spent all day throwing up because I am stressed about going back to work tomorrow.

                  And it's not just work drama that is bothering me. One of my close friends has cancer and she is dying and her husband asked me for money and I turned him down (for various reasons, but mainly because I don't have much extra money).

                  Now I am made to feel guilty every time I buy something. I have saved up for a year to get my car fixed, and he and I got into an argument because now, in his eyes, my car is more important than his wife's life.

                  He also asked the Vamp for money and was insulted when the Vamp said, "Dude, I barely know you, why would I give you money?"

                  I understand he is desperate, and I am willing to help in other ways - cooking, cleaning, taking care of their animals while they are out of town for treatment...

                  I just refuse to pay his bills on top of mine.


                  I also have no one to talk to. My friends are all siding against me and think I should give my savings away and they don't seem to understand my side of it.

                  Add this to backstabbing at work and I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever... Right after I throw up again.
                  The dreamer extends
                  the darkness the privilege
                  of watching his soul
                  go mad.


                  -Rod McKuen

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Compliment or Not?

                    The Vamp has been writing a story and he asked me to read one of his drafts today, and...

                    The story is about me. A thinly veiled me at that.

                    My question is: Should I feel complimented that the Vamp finds my life interesting enough to write about? Or somewhat insulted because of the thin veil he drew over my character?

                    I haven't made up my mind yet. I don't know what to tell him.
                    The dreamer extends
                    the darkness the privilege
                    of watching his soul
                    go mad.


                    -Rod McKuen

                    Comment

                    Working...
                    X