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  • Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Support

    Because there seemed to be a need. :weirdsmil

    For those currently in, have "survived" and are now living with their SO and want to offer advice, and so forth.

    Keep in mind this is a support thread.

  • #2
    Well I haven't survived yet, but 3 years is no slouch either. I have a lot of experience and if anyone needs any tips, I'll be sure to offer it.

    To me though the universal law of a good long distance relation ship is communication, no matter if it is online, or by phone there has to be good communication just like in any other social relationship. The only difference being with the long distance is that their is no physicality so you must rely more so on the intangible feelings, conversation, sharing though vocalization... etc..




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    • #3
      I guess I always wondered how one keeps the other SO interested while so far apart.
      Health&Beauty & Sports Forum Guide

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Glowy View Post
        I guess I always wondered how one keeps the other SO interested while so far apart.
        I have no idea myself. I'll ask Nick.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Glowy View Post
          I guess I always wondered how one keeps the other SO interested while so far apart.
          Idk. My eyes get...wandery sometimes, but mostly just because a lot of the time I get lonely. The times we are together, I can't imagine a better partner. And I never have as much fun talking to someone actually here than I do with him.

          I'd be lying if I said that bitterness hasn't crept in though. 4 years, 3 months. It'll be at least a year or so more before we can be together. I try not to think about it, because I get sad.
          -little owlsigpic

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          • #6
            Communication is definetly key, and using available mediums i.e. internet, phone, webcams etc. basically anything you can to share that quality time.

            Also make the time to travel and be together whenever possible and if it's possible work to move towards bridging that gap permanently.

            I was in two long distance relationships in the last 10 years. The first lasted four years. We saw each other every couple of months and talked every day on the phone. It fizzled, not because of the long distance, but because we wanted different things from each other. We left quite amicably and while it was a difficult transition, we're now very good friends.

            The second is my wife, who after a while moved in with me and we've been happy ever since.

            It can work as relationships between people are deeper than the physical, and the ties that connect us are beyond space and possibly time. It is the feeling that one is there with us, and 'knowing' that they are with us, even if they are thousands of miles away. As long as that is strong and built on trust and communication, then it can last and you'll survive.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Glowy View Post
              I guess I always wondered how one keeps the other SO interested while so far apart.
              I've been thinking and just discussed this with Nick who agrees with my answer. Personally he's held my interest because no one else "gets me" or "meshes" with me as well as he does. We know just how to piss eachother off with the least amount of effort and we know how to make eachother happy as well. I don't really know how else to explain it except I love him and it just feels right.

              He's my other half.

              Communication and understanding works wonders. We're both at different points in our educational career but working towards the same ends. Likewise we understand the stress each other has to deal with between full-time school and full-time work, so when one of us is a little more snippy than we should be we work through it or allow the other one time to mellow out. If that means we go a day or two without talking then so be it.

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              • #8
                My beloved and I have managed to keep each other interested (we've been together for 6 years, long distance for four and a half) mostly by a policy of complete honesty (which seems to be pretty common.) We talk on the phone every day, if only for a minute. And we try to visit once a month, though that doesn't always happen--there were four consecutive months where we were on different continents, which wasn't very much fun. Visits are so important--they remind us what we love about each other, which is easier to forget than I would like to admit when we're apart.

                Actually, the one thing that we've come up with that keeps our minds from wandering too far is a policy to admit crushes. I tell him every time I get a crush on someone, even a little one, and it pretty much immediately goes away. Telling him makes it less exciting, and then I'm not crushing anymore. The only exception to that was my extremely attractive best friend during the time my beloved was out of the country. I fell for him SO hard, and I must admit I only got through that because my friend was in a similar long distance relationship with me and so instead of facing our attraction for each other, we just talked about our significant others together.

                I'm going to get to move in with my beloved in June, and I CAN'T WAIT. I love him so much, and it's going to be amazing to actually be with him every day.
                Flame in Bloom-my blog on dancing and heathenry

                The fires in me can never be drowned. They cannot be snuffed, for even when they are denied air, they breathe, gasping in the endless firedance.

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                • #9
                  My mate and I, 2 years apart and waiting. Now that we are together, we are on 12 years together!!! It as wonderful and full of respect and love as day one.

                  In my experience and observations, it seems the people who have to wait years to be together, if they make it, have a bond thats really more deep and tight.
                  They dont have a lot of the issues the fast movers seem to have.
                  They seem to really understand what matters for a good relationship.

                  IMO, everyone should have to wait at least 2 years before they can be together. Not many would make it and those are the ones that seem to have many short term bad ending relationships and fall in bad cycles.

                  If the love is real, it will wait and survive.

                  Just my 1 cents worth.

                  Oh and jfi.
                  My mate in I have never had an argument. During the 2 year waiting we didnt want to waist any time on arguing. After those long 2 years we have learned that there just isnt anything important enough to be angry about to the point of arguing. We love each other. Why would we want to fight? We just dont want to and we dont. We can truly talk together.
                  Last edited by Shanti; November 28th, 2009, 08:36 PM.
                  :boing:

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                  • #10
                    Wonderful idea for a thread.
                    02-07-1943
                    05-19-2009
                    Papi - R.I.P.
                    I love you. Always.

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                    • #11
                      I've thought about breaking up with my boyfriend so many times, but felt it was too impulsive to blow off a 4 year relationship over what seems like a bad day. So I'm giving it until the first of the year...see if I feel the same way then.

                      Just so flippin tired of the whole thing today. Feel like the last 3 years or so have been totally wasted on just...waiting around.
                      -little owlsigpic

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Fireheart View Post
                        I've thought about breaking up with my boyfriend so many times, but felt it was too impulsive to blow off a 4 year relationship over what seems like a bad day. So I'm giving it until the first of the year...see if I feel the same way then.

                        Just so flippin tired of the whole thing today. Feel like the last 3 years or so have been totally wasted on just...waiting around.
                        I feel like that sometimes. My policy in my brain has generally been to wait until a visit and see how I feel. I don't know how far apart your visits are, which could make your opinion of that policy different. But I find that when we're together, the worrying about spending all my time waiting pales in comparison to how happy I am with him.

                        It also usually helps to go out with some friends to remember that you're not just waiting around, you have a full life, just with a lover who is far away.
                        Flame in Bloom-my blog on dancing and heathenry

                        The fires in me can never be drowned. They cannot be snuffed, for even when they are denied air, they breathe, gasping in the endless firedance.

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                        • #13
                          Well (To no one in particular) I've had some time to dwell on on some matters which tend to come up in LDRs, one in particular is the absolute disgust of the distance. This has happened to myself many times, usually the periods all filled with stress and just complete apathy for the relationship.

                          I can recall moments when I were battling these thoughts where when the phone rang I would just cringe because I knew it was her, and she was still so far away. The phrase "What's the point!" comes to mind. These can be deadly to any relationship but when dealing with a LDR it can much much worse.

                          All I can say is if the relationship is strong and you work together through it, or maybe take a break to relax a bit(with intentions of getting back together) the relationship has a much better chance of making it for the long haul.




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                          • #14
                            Gawd, I thought I was so messed up for feeling that way. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I can't begin to tell you guys how nice.

                            Our trips are every 3 months at most. 3.5 this past one, and it's been the longest wait in a long time. I've just been so busy, it didn't hit me before. Never had time to think.

                            I think that's a good policy, Heart of All.
                            -little owlsigpic

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                            • #15
                              You're not messed up, I've have the same moments before. I only see Nick once to twice a year. I remind myself why I'm with him, how I feel about him and how he makes me feel. I also tell myself that I am not waiting for my life to begin because I'm not with him, we are just living a part until we can come together.

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