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  • Potty Training Failure

    I have the lucky privilege of potty training two little toddlers at the same time (2 and 4). Both stubborn, intelligent boys.

    Due to really bad circumstances, I have only been able to focus on the 4 year old for the past two months. He was doing really great with the training, very few accidents, would tell me before he had to go, all that good stuff. Then he got lazy or discouraged, and I don't know why. He's to the point where if I have him in underwear, he would rather sit in it than tell me.

    And now, the 2 year old who was also doing amazingly well, is not telling me until after the fact. I've been taking them every hour or so to go potty and they won't, and then literally a few minutes later, a huge accident in the worst possible place.

    I'm running out of ideas, and I'll admit it, patience with the 4 year old. I'm trying to stay calm and explain why he, if he won't go in the potty, at least tell me when he goes. It's to the point that the only babysitter I can afford (and whom I trust) won't watch them anymore until they are potty trained.

    I feel like such a failure as a mother, especially around all these "perfect" parents that I interact with who had their child trained by 2 and it only took 2 weeks, and they did it all with a smile and made from scratch cookies. I work part to full time and I go to school part time and I'm with the kids anytime I'm not at work or school.

    To sum up, I need a potty miracle and some encouragement, if anyone has anything at all. Thanks.
    Even when your hope is gone, move along just to make it through the night.
    my blog



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  • #2
    Originally posted by Sollie View Post
    I feel like such a failure as a mother, especially around all these "perfect" parents that I interact with who had their child trained by 2 and it only took 2 weeks, and they did it all with a smile and made from scratch cookies. I work part to full time and I go to school part time and I'm with the kids anytime I'm not at work or school.

    To sum up, I need a potty miracle and some encouragement, if anyone has anything at all. Thanks.
    Yeah don't listen to them. Everyone kids are different and it's never as easy as they remember. Reward is what I would do. Take them every two hours if they go they get a sticker. You could use mandm's too every time. If not they don't. If they go on there own a sticker/candy. So many stickers is a reward they really love and don't let them have that item otherwise. Maybe try not wearing underwear at times to force them to go on the potty? We used the charts here http://www.freeprintablebehaviorchar...ningcharts.htm, the boy loved Thomas.

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    • #3
      Boys are fun aren't they? My oldest just did not care. We tried everything, treats, punishment, he just did not give a crap. My youngest followed in his footsteps. However, when we got the oldest finally using the bathroom the youngest never had another accident.

      We stopped taking my oldest out to places. We told him it was only for big boys who could use the potty because he was too old for diapers or training diapers. I was straight honest. I told him I didn't want him with me because he would be stinky before I was done and it was embarassing. I mean we didn't even take him to the grocery store. He couldn't go swimming, the park, anywhere outside of our house and backyard and daycare. I was very hard on him. Once his realm of existance was affected and his fun was cut he straightened up fairly quickly. I think the only reason he finally allowed himself to be potty trained was because we told him he couldn't start kindergarten if he hadn't been using the toilet for a year before. It wasn't anything to do with bladder or bowel control, it was him having control over this realm of his life. It had to be come something he saw as necessary.

      There is an issue as well, if your son is in daycare, are they workling with him as well? That was an issue for me, my daycare just didn't give two shits. It was easier to change a diaper I guess than wait for him to potty then help him wipe and such.

      The two year old, well, I don't know, you see parents potty training their children younger and younger these days. When mine were little they suggested introducing the potty around two but to not start the hard core training until they were towards the end of two start of three. Kids just don't have the bladder control necessary to be perfectly potty trained until they are three or four.

      And now will come everyone whos child was perfectly potty trained at two telling me I'm wrong. Kids are different. Mine are all fairly normal now, no mental or physical issues from late potty training. I don't think I was wrong in starting when I did.
      Khara's Chaos

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      • #4
        Ula: I've tried stickers and M&Ms, and the 4 year old didn't care. He was happy when he got them, indifferent if he didn't. I'll print those pages off next time I have access to a printer, thank you. I've also had the 4 year old go with no underwear or anything, and he will only tell me after he pooped, not anything about peeing.

        Khara: Yeah, Simon (the 4 year old) just does not care. I've tried punishments, talking, rewards, and it just doesn't matter.

        I told him I didn't want him with me because he would be stinky before I was done and it was embarassing. I mean we didn't even take him to the grocery store. He couldn't go swimming, the park, anywhere outside of our house and backyard and daycare. I was very hard on him
        That's what I'm trying to do and explain to him, but he is either not understanding or just not caring. Also, he says he doesn't want to go to kindergarten or anything, so I can't use that to try to explain to him why he needs to learn.

        My parents (both 55 or older) are the ones normally taking care of them, and they are trying as well. But the boys have even more accidents over there (I'm thinking it may have to do with the bathroom being upstairs?) and my mom can't handle it anymore, she's still getting over a fractured rib and a stroke.

        I agree with you about the "too early" to start training. I think introducing it is fine, but they shouldn't expect them to have it mastered so early. I only started training my 2 year old because he wants to do whatever big brother does. He was pretty much doing it every single time, but then he stopped, and it doesn't bother me that much because he's still telling me after the fact and because I know he's so young. He has a few more months until he's 3 and then I'll kick it into high gear.
        Last edited by faye_cat; July 19th, 2012, 11:52 AM.
        Even when your hope is gone, move along just to make it through the night.
        my blog



        Accepting Tarot Requests

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        • #5
          Well, maybe plan fun things you know he would want to do and do not let him participate? I know it sounds cruel, but they won't let him start a regular kindergarten class in most states if he isn't potty trained and you don't want him in any type of special class over this.

          Also, I used multiple potty chairs with some success. I had them all over so there was never an excuse from my son of he couldn't hold it. Check out yard sales and thrift shops. At one time we had I think 5 or 6 of them thru out my house and we took one with us whenever we went anywhere visiting.
          Khara's Chaos

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          • #6
            My son wasn't potty trained until he was 5 years old. He has autism and although he started off using the potty rather well when he was about 2 1/2, he started screaming each time I took him in to use it after a while. It got to the point where I was getting frustrated, he was taking meltdowns constantly and I was fit to rip my hair out!

            The only thing that got him to actually start using the potty was putting him in regular underwear during the daytime... He hates spilling ANYTHING and seeing that he made a mess when he soiled them got it into his head to use the potty... Three years later and he does have the occasional accident (normal in my book considering what we went through to get him to use the darn toilet!) but uses it thank the gods.

            Sollie, I do see you've tried that and your older boy isn't taking to it like Son did... Drat.

            You are NOT a failure as a mother, they will be using the potty, it's just a matter of time! Boys tend to take a little longer than girls in most cases and hopefully they'll catch on it soon.
            "The road to hell is paved with adverbs." - Stephen King.


            "If a book has my name on it, I wrote it. Every word of it." ~Nora Roberts.

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            • #7
              Your definitely not a failure. My youngest still is not reliably potty trained and he will be 6 in November (though it could be related to him having autism) he really could not care less how wet or dirty he is and rarely even tells me if he is. I have been trying to teach him for about 2 years and he has improved lots but it is a very slow process and nothing seems to help. You aren't alone and they will get there
              My choice is what I chose to do and if I'm causing no harm, it shouldn't bother you. Your choice is who you chose to be and if your causing no harm, then your alright with me. (Ben Harper)

              www.elderberryarts.co.uk

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              • #8
                So relieved to see I'm not the only one struggling with this issue. I have a 2 year old who just isn't interested either. Sometimes he'll go on the potty but to be honest I'm just not sure he understands what I'm asking of him. I don't mind if it takes us another year to get him dry but all his friends are either trained or doing really well. I was beginning to feel as though I was doing something wrong!
                ~ My Blog ~

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