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Teenagers and sex

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  • Teenagers and sex

    Would you buy your teenager a sex toy? I was brought up that sex and masturbation is evil and it took me years to overcome some of the hangups I had. My mom sends the girls took a week of church camp each summer and I allow them to go because they enjoy it. I talk with them and "deprogram " them when they get home. Well my oldest (15.5 years old) just returned and the subject of masturbation had come up at camp. Apparently the counselors just tried to skirt around the issue but overall it was treated rather negatively. I told my daughter so long as you don't let it take over your life, like anything else, it's fine, good normal and natural. It will help you know what you like when you have a partner. We talked about techniques and toys and whatnot. You know just a really frank talk about it. So it ended up that I went and got her a cheap little waterproof bullet. I also told her that she shouldn't share it unless a condom is used on it. (she has a girlfriend. She says they're not active and I believe her but I figured better to warn her up front.) I figure it's better she have something proper rather than trying to improvise with household objects. She commented after I gave it to her that it was a rather strange thing for a mother to give her daughter. I don't know if maybe because of the way I was raised maybe I go too far in the other direction? I think maybe because of our conservative area it might seem strange, but I can't really see an issue with it. I certainly don't want her to have the issues I did and above all my first priority is keeping her safe.

  • #2
    I think what you've done is a fantastic idea. Because, like you said, better for her to have something "proper" than trying to fashion something out of .... well, whatever she could find, I guess. My daughter is only 18 months, but I hope to raise her in a sex-positive and open environment. I had NOTHING from my parents. Not even "the talk". Everything I learned, I learned from either late-night softcore on Cinemax/HBO and the internet. And I don't want that for my daughter haha


    • #3
      Ariste, you are a good momma. You are giving her an education and sex is one of the most important things. :clapping:

      It's one of those subjects that make people uncomfortable to talk about.
      Another beautiful day in the state of denial.


      • #4
        I think that is sane and wise parenting Ariste.
        Our daughter is sixteen and has been sexually active for a few months now. We have taken a similar approach. We try to be open and supportive in a practical way but there are regular talks about health and safety. We want her to see sex as a normal and enjoyable part of of life; but a part which requires a big step up in personal responsibility.
        😈 "It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful." Anton LaVey 😈


        • #5
          My stepdaughter is 17 and has a boyfriend. They've been together for almost a year now, and are sexually active. Her mom and my boyfriend have been keeping on top of her, and taking her to the OB (she's on birth control) as well as educating her on STDs. They both had her young (they were 19), so the last thing they want is for her to get knocked up young.

          We have 4 additional kids to worry about (10, 9, 8, and 6). 3 are girls, and the youngest is a boy. We will be open with them just as we've been with the eldest. They will know all the truths and all the consequences. As for buying them a toy? I'm not sure I'd initiate it myself, but if they'd ask me (when they become teens), I will be happy to talk to them and buy them one. Same with condoms and OB check ups/birth control.

          I dont need my kids to catch STDs, nor do I want to become a Gigi before I'm 45.


          • #6
            Yeah like I said the subject came up. It wasn't out of the blue. She didn't precisely ask, but she was with me and picked it out. (with some advice from me) What I've always told my kids about sex (other than the factual information) is that it complicates your life, and life in high school is complicated enough. I've never met someone whose regretted waiting until their late teens/early 20s, but I've met plenty that regretted having it too soon or for the wrong reasons. So I encourage them to wait, but if they decide that they're ready I want them to come talk to me first so that I can help them be smart and safe about it (condoms, bc). Tana's told me before that a lot of her friends feel like they can't even talk to their parents at all. If they disagree with their parents on something they might get in trouble. She's told me she appreciates knowing that she can talk to me about absolutely anything. So I guess against that back drop it seems odd.
            Last edited by Ariste; August 10th, 2016, 11:03 AM.