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Fending off Jehovah's Witnesses

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  • Fending off Jehovah's Witnesses

    Hi everyone. I have had a couple of fairly recent encounters with Jehovah's Witnesses. I am a Solitary Eclectic Wiccan. Do you have any tips on how to fend off the Jehovah's Witnesses and some polite ways to discourage them from returning?

  • #2
    Well, you could always just say "Thank you for your concern, but I would appreciate it if you didn't come back. Thank you." Then just shut the door.

    Or my personal favorite:
    Standing in the kitchen butchering meat with blood all over my apron, I answer the door just as my kids let out an ear-tingling howl from the basement. Look over your shoulder like your irritated. Turn back to the JW and stare for a minute. Then lick your lips and say "WHAT!!??"

    Oh, sorry, you said polite didn't you? My bad.

    As a side note, my SO's grandmother is a JW. Everytime someone knocks on our door, we just say "Do you know so-and-so? Yeah, she' my Grandma, but thanks!" They just smile and walk away.
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    • #3
      My wife has put up a decorative broom on our outside door.
      The last time they came by, I pointed to the broom and said,' do you see this?'

      One didn't get it, the other froze and did the "GULP", and said 'he's not interested'
      They both walked away rather quickly. :D

      Needless to say, they have never returned!
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      • #4
        Believe it or not....
        One of the most polite & speedy way to get them to leave you alone is to tell them before you have your disscussion with them, is that you will offer a prayer before you start!
        They'll leave and not return!

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        • #5
          Depending on my mood, since I've probably done more studying of the bible than the teenaged JW's, I might just invite them in. Best to then lead the conversation. I'll be asking the questions.
          Anytime they say, "have you heard of the wonderful news of god?" I'll answer, "Which one?" or "No, have you heard the wonderful news of the goddess?" I'm not a polite person when you knock at my door attempting to proselytise. I'll say all sorts of things to irritate them into leaving. "Nice matching shirts. You'll definitely get to heaven in those."

          As for polite ways...umm...sorry, have to actually think about that...
          I suppose just saying, "Sorry. Not interested. Have a nice day." before slamming the door in their face...
          Last edited by DarkSidhe; February 13th, 2004, 07:46 PM.
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          • #6
            These all seem like some pretty good (and some funny ones) ideas. Anyway, if you want, you can put your experiences with JW's on here too. Keep on posting!


            • #7
              A polite way to fend off Jehova's witnesses... that's sort of like Cheech and Chong come up with a joke that's clean AND funny.

              Living in a rural spot I don't have a problem with them. I once got a couple of Mormons. I told them no thanks, they were very polite in return and went on their way. However, one guy I know did have problems with persistent JWs, and he had an interesting way to get rid of them. He's bald and weighs in at arounf 300 lbs or so. He answered the door naked. As in, completely nude, not a stitch of clothing. That was a few years ago. They haven't bothered him since.
              "I would rather make the gravest of mistakes than surrender my own judgement." -- Cora Munroe in Last of the Mohicans

              "Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing." -- Conan the Barbarian in "Tower of the Elephant" by Robert E. Howard

              "Moral outrage has little effect on a cat." -- Garrison Keillor

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              • #8
                I have a friend whose father had an interesting way of getting rid of JW's when she was a kid.

                Whenever JWs came knocking at their door, he stand up, open the door very gently, very politely say "Can I help you?" Then he'd invite them in at which point he'd turn, look at his daughter and say "Honey, please turn off the TV. You know we only worship Satan of Fridays. Today it's time to bow to the Tooth Fairy. Now go to your room and get your wand and crown." Suffice it to say JWs ran away fast....


                • #9

                  My sister is JW. Their theology is a mix of Christian fundamentalism and the ancient "heresy" of Arianism. Politely telling them that you aren't interested is usually sufficient to get them to leave.

                  However, I've found from the visits from them and from Mormons that I often have some common ground with them. Both groups are considered heretical by mainstream fundamentalist christianity, and I often hear statements against both groups from Christians. As such, sometimes they are often able and happy to talk about problems they have had being a minority religion, or to discuss how to break fundamentalist Christians out of their sometimes strict sureness that everyone else is wrong and hellbound.

                  Overall, I try not to directly argue with them, because they are at the receiving end of attacks from mainstream christians at least as often as we are. In some ways I sympathize with them, as another person who is considered a heretic by most of Christianity. One of the main points of JWs is that the holidays we celebrate in America are People holidays - another point of agreement (though they conclude from that to avoid celebrating holidays, while we say "cool!").

                  I also sometimes get into long theological discussions with people from both groups - I've read a lot of JW literature (their bible is pretty much the same), and I've read the entire book of mormon (the whole thing pretty much reads like kings & Chronicles). Though that last approach is not for everyone.


                  FYI - JWs are at 5 million worldwide, mormons at 11 M world wide. Almost all of their growth now for both groups is in 3rd world countries, and I'm not sure JWs are growing. Mormons have had a linear growth on a log plot (!!!) since their beginning in the 19th century.
                  Last edited by Equinox; February 13th, 2004, 10:15 PM.

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                  • #10
                    I simply say that I am not interested and they usually leave...if not, I tell them they are trespassing and if they do not leave I will call the State Troopers. That has always ended the conversation rather quickly...I haven't seen anyone for months...


                    • #11
                      I know a guy who came to the door in his bathrobe and said, "Oh, excuse me, but I was just about to take a bubble-bath. Care to join me?"

                      Personally, I just like to tell them my views. The last time they came to the door they asked me what I thought of the Bible and I said, "Well, I think it's insightful, but it shouldn't be trusted completely." One of them talked for a few minutes about how they were trying to encourage more Bible reading to cope with hard times, but she seemed really nervous like she didn't know what to say, and then they handed me a pamplet and left.
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                      • #12

                        Seems your friend had the same idea as me! but I took ti a step further...

                        I greeted them at the door naked, they disturbed my bath time so they got to see me partially covered in bubbles. One said "sorry for disturbing you!" and ran off, while the other asked me to put somethng on, I told them I couldn't be bothered and if they would like to come in for an orgy. She left to meet her friend at the end of the drive.

                        This method works wonders as the male JWs leave with a "embarrassing and un-pious" condition.

                        They don't come back anymore.
                        I am running out of chew toys *sigh*


                        • #13
                          I used to be polite,now I can't be bothered. However, I had an 'anatomically correct' statue of the Horned God by the front door,so neither JWs or mormons have bothered me for a while!
                          be dumb a long as thou wilt, said she, for never has man
                          made feebler use of his wits than thou hast[/FONT][COLOR=DarkGreen]


                          • #14
                            ---When I was a kid my dad got so put out by the JW's and their continued bantering, that he told them point blank that he was not interrested and NOT to return and NOT to leave their magazine on his property!!!
                            Dad always had a very large, very direct type presence, no mistake could of been made about how seriouse he was...
                            But as scheduled they returned the following sunday after church, only this time they hit the side/front/back of the house all at once, knockings and door bell rings came from everywhere... My moms eyes rolled up in her head with pure dread at what might happen next, knowing that dad all but trully hated them... Then he sent me out the backdoor to tell them ALL to leave, I did and they all converged on the back patio refusing to do so...
                            Dad came out the back door with a shot gun, wearing nothing but his summer-long johns and pulled a shot off in the air, while laughing like a true crazy man...
                            The group skattered and didn't return for more than a few years, of course the cops also arrived due to complaints by neighbors about a 1/2 naked man walking around in broad daylight toting a shotgun...
                            Funny part was, when the cops got there, dad was walking back into the house with gun in hand, looked at um and said [damn JW's again!] the cops looked at one another , said ohhh ok, just no gun next time John, K?. and left laughing...
                            In the following weeks after the news spread of my dads outburst, other gunshots were heard from surrunding blocks!!! probly the most bonding that city neighborhood ever had....

                            ---I lived with a guy once who loved talking to the JW's, I'd come home from work or school to find a group of them sitting in my kitchen having tea... It was like this every sat. They were regulars at our house and had even started showing up with home baked sweet rolls and coffee cakes, very odd for me... Most of them were pretty nice people and though they stayed on for a few hours at a time, not much religion was really talked about... Little mentions here and there, but no actual discusions or recruiting going on... They always wanted to get to know me better, sometimes I wondered if they wern't there just to get to me, but I'm sure that was just my inner paranoia... I let them be, said hello and went about my business, leaving them to their coffee cluch...

                            ---My biggest problem has been with the 7day evangelist and several differant little neighborhood baptist churches...
                            Worst was when we lived in the ghetto, the churches were very actice there, going out 2-3 times a week through the neighborhood, handing out papers to anyone who'd take them, talking to anyone who'd stop or open their doors... Even going so far as to dress up like clowns with balloons for the kids, stopping kids and handing panplets out and balloons with bible verses on one side, church time on the other...
                            Offering free cnoserts, free food,free chicken/fish fries/picniks...
                            Free transportation, one church from the WAY distant suburbs sent a pack of school busses in and lined them up , to take kids to all day bible camp... They came through offering all day childcare, all summer long even on the weekends, in the ghetto they had ALL those busses loaded, every day!!! Then they targeted everyones house who had kids, but who wasn't sending them on their buses...
                            Thats where the truboule came ...
                            Those SOB's were relentless, they sent people in twos almost every damn day of the week, sometimes several times a day...
                            Questioning me, telling me how awfull I was, begging me, then oh yea preaching at me... THEY WOULDN'T SHUT UP!!!
                            I don't have much truboule telling anyone to go blow, but they wouldn't I called the cops to get the f*krs out of my yard as they prayed I let my son attend their evil bible camp, so they moved to the sidewalk where it was legal for them to do so...
                            They looked around one day and realised that I really was pagan, geeze not hard to figure out, but anyways then they really went nuts...
                            That day when the cops came they demanded my son be removed due to my satanic evil ways, proclaimed my evil satanistic practices to all my mostly [little english speaking hispanic neighbors] who just understood enough to cross themselves, look on in horror and whisper mantras against lucifer as they went into their homes and closed the shades...
                            GODS what a freakin nightmare at first...
                            Then I got pissed , which usually bring out a good dose of amused sacasm... I walked out in my robe and proclaimed to the entire neighborhood that I was indeed pagan, a witch as a matter of fact and to top it off I was a blaizen homosexual to boot!!!
                            The obviously lesbian cops were amused and as the churchys started falling to their knees paying for me, I started praying for them...
                            Hell that worked wonders, just pray for the dumb f*krs... They allk turned ghost white and left, the 1st to leave clutching his bible was the very southern baptist import preacher... a big 6 ft 300lb hell fire and brimstone kinda guy!!! should'a seen him make trax when the smudge stick came out...MWAHAHAHAHAaaahaahaaaa!!!

                            ---BTW, found out a few years later, that the suburban church that was sending buses to get the kids, that was a completly nutzo christy church that a friend of mine was mixed up in years before...
                            She told me how they'd bus kids in from all the poor neighborhoods, and that their stays there were constant programming... That part of their duties as church members, was to take weeks worth of classes on how to program little kids, how to constantly slip manipulitive phrases and ideas into normal conversation... and with the older kids, it was programming them on how to get their parents to bring them to church and if they wouldn't making them beleive their parents were against god and going to hell...
                            My friend bought all this BS, up untill the point one of her summer kids began crying in the bathroom, that her mommy was going to be satan bride because her boss made her work on church day...
                            She talked to the leader of the summer camp group about it thinking that it was way off the deep end and was yelled at... Told that satan was influencing her judgement, then given a nights worth of lessons on how to further turn the child to the church and further her away from her parents...
                            She also said that she was sent out day after day to recruit the same people/neighborhoods so on, and if they didn't have so many people per day sign up, that they were made to think and feel like demons and satan was being alerted to their failed deeds...
                            I knew those people were F-d up but didn't know how much at the time, just glad I never let my kid trapse off to parts unknown with then like most of the othe mothers did...


                            • #15
                              This reminds me of an article I read awhile ago. Something about explaining the Other People.

                              Aha! I found it: