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  • Problem Personalities

    What the title says

    I want to get ideas an input on what to do about problem personalities. you know, those people that just make the entire experience icky for everyone else.

    Some times it's a malevolent "ick" and other times no harm is meant, but the ickness is there just the same.

    I'll give an example of each.

    There is a person in my town that I feel fully justified in calling a Spiritual Preditor. She sucks the new an inexperianced in with promices of "training" and then starts playing power games. I've had to try to put peopl back together on a couple of occasions after she's done a number on them.

    Another is a bi-polar lady that has NO grounding or centring skills and seem to thing that it's jsut fine and dandy to let her energies wander wherever the hell they please. She a nice enough person, but she is definitely a high maintenance and not fun to be around for more then 10 minutes.

    Being at a coffee moot with these people is bad enough. Circling with them is impossible.

    So how would people handle their presence in different public group situations?
    Such as at.....

    Public Ritual
    Coffee Moot
    Public Class
    Pagan Pride Day

    Any ideas? Suggestions? Stories to share?
    The Sexy Heathen Babe

  • #2
    Wow, tough situations. Part of the reason I don't do much community stuff. Besides being an Empath, I'm allergic to perfume and cigarette smoke, so I end up overwhelmed with all the energies and have a migraine to top it off.

    With the first, I'd think about doing a spell to help her find a better place to live - far, far away. Or ask the gods to give her a wake up call. Last resort would be to do a binding.

    With the second, I'd talk to her about taking meds, about taking classes on learning to ground and center, learning control, learning to shield, helping her to focus better. Or ask the gods to send someone into her life that will help her with those issues.
    ____________
    If you make a customer happy, he'll tell 3 other people.
    If he's not happy, he'll tell 20 others.



    Comment


    • #3
      PAGAN PRIDE DAY:
      I would put that in the category of "not my problem". Sure, there are organizers, but that is an advertised, publicized event. You are not responsible for who shows and who doesn't. You're not a babysitter.

      PUBLIC CLASS:
      You *could* try and pair them with people who might match them, strengths for weaknesses, if there is such a pairing exercise. Or, you could make an example of them in a constructive way, if you are doing a group exercise where everyone has to do something in front of the class. For instance, the bi polar woman....if you gave some sort of class on energy work you could say "Now class, who felt those energies and who didn't? How did they feel? Chaotic? We all feel like that sometimes in our lives, where we can't control our emotions or energies, and here's what you can do in that situation." Maybe she just doesn't realize? For the predator woman, you could give a class on the perils and promises of teachers - what to look for, what to avoid. You don't have to name any names, but give general guidelines and let people figure it out for themselves.

      COFFEE MOOT:
      Again, like the Pride Day, this is something you can't control, nor should you try to. Just avoid them and hope people do the same. If you really feel the need, you could, over time, pull new people aside and maybe give them a heads up about the predator woman. If she's really that bad, people should be warned.

      PUBLIC CIRCLES:
      Stop inviting them. The bipolar woman, I at least can sympathize on behalf of, maybe she doesn't know it, maybe she does. Sometimes, they just can't help it, even with meds. The predator I would stop inviting, especially if you know she's only there to pick up new people. Or, again, ahead of time you could pull new people aside and give them a little warning. Unfortunately, with public gatherings, you can't control who comes or not, but the best thing to do is just be aware and be on your guard.
      ~NITEFALLE~
      Pagan Tart, High Priestess of the Soli-Tarty Path

      My heroes have always been cowboys, and they still are, it seems
      Always in search of, and one step in back of,
      Themselves and their slow-movin' dreams
      ~Willie Nelson~

      sigpic





      Comment


      • #4
        Oohhh, tough questions.

        I think as far as the predator personality, Im surprised word hasn't gotten around that she is destructive and a hassle. These type folks usually "hang themselves" with their own self-centered behavior. So maybe that will happen soon enough on it's own?

        As far as the lady with bipolar disorder...I wonder if you know the type of bipolar she has? Some folks get manic, and depressed, others shift less into manic and more into panic.

        A hallmark of the disease is a marked innability to accurately judge one's mental wellness when the disease is poorly controlled. She may really be unaware of her personality issues right now.

        On the other hand...bipolar disorder can be misdiagnosed, and if she is suffering from something like borderline personality disorder, the bipolar meds MIGHT worsen her symptoms. Its very complex...and hard to treat in some people. It sounds as if she is not well-medicated, if she is really wearing thin her welcome in 10 minutes. Perhaps her anxiety component of her illness makes her very psychologically needy and messy, hence the energy being here there and everywhere.

        My husbands ex wife is a borderline/bipolar who is very poorly managed, illness wise, right now, so believe me, I FEEL your pain. The ex wife is hyper-anxious, hyper needy, and being around her is really tiring, she swings from needy, stilted little girl to angry and screaming like a banshee she-warrior with no warning every few months. IF she took her meds properly, and she didnt drink alcohal (even a glass of wine can screw with psych meds), life might be easier for her to cope with. But, its her choice.

        If you feel the ability to softly, gently, inquire about how she has been doing, and again, nicely mention some things that you've noted in her behavior (being judgemental would backfire...she has feelings, and would be hurt, plus getting her defensive helps no one), she can perhaps take those thoughts to her doctor, and work on improving her health. We did try this with the husbands ex when she got really spaced out, but she was involuntarily commited by her doc at that point, which was a good thing, for her safety.
        "We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers--you can blame anyone, but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's ALWAYS your fault, because if you wanted to change, you're the one who has got to change. It's as simple as that, isn't it?"
        -- Katharine Hepburn

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        • #5
          public ritual--I put a bubble over those I don't want interfering with the energy.

          Same at a moot (well-it was a sumble--almost same thing)

          PPD--can't do much there--even if you are the organizer of that (which I've been) gotta handle the stuff that you can in that situation
          --That said- when I had it--I set the energy in the room/area before anyone got there...so there were no problems. everyone got along

          public class - I'd bubble them again. but also--set the energy in the room before anyone arrives, that should handle it.

          as for the Predator--we had one of those too, but he was preying on them sexually. I would not allow new people in my group to attend public ritual without me/or experienced member of the group. (and I don't have many rules--could I absolutely forbid it, NO... but I strongly recommended against it and explained my reasoning--everyone usually complied)

          I'm also a HPs that most don't want to cross--but everyone wants to learn from.

          Elise
          *~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Resident Beotch


          It seems some folks confuse "secrets" with Mysteries.
          The Mysteries aren't secret.
          They are there for whoever wishes to seek them out.
          There just aren't any shortcuts.

          That's the Secret.

          Don't ask Life to polish you into a jewel and then complain about all the rough treatment!

          If you're talking shit behind my back - then you're close enough to kiss my ass.


          Comment


          • #6
            Elise, what do you mean by "set the energy in the room"? How do you go about doing that?
            ____________
            If you make a customer happy, he'll tell 3 other people.
            If he's not happy, he'll tell 20 others.



            Comment


            • #7
              I do a quick cleansing-then I would cast an open type circle with calming, soothing energies. My intent would be to stop trouble at the door.

              You've felt (or i hope so anyway) energies set for when we were doing fairs. I would set the energy for browsing and (hopefully) buying things.

              Elise

              Hope that made sense somewhat.
              *~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

              Resident Beotch


              It seems some folks confuse "secrets" with Mysteries.
              The Mysteries aren't secret.
              They are there for whoever wishes to seek them out.
              There just aren't any shortcuts.

              That's the Secret.

              Don't ask Life to polish you into a jewel and then complain about all the rough treatment!

              If you're talking shit behind my back - then you're close enough to kiss my ass.


              Comment


              • #8
                Yeah, I felt the energy at the fairs, it felt very welcoming and I will say that there didn't seem to be a lot of arguments or back-biting going on, but the bit about buying stuff wasn't working quite as well.

                Anyway, good idea. Hopefully I will remember to try that before the group shows up here at my house for class on Saturday evening. :hahugh:
                ____________
                If you make a customer happy, he'll tell 3 other people.
                If he's not happy, he'll tell 20 others.



                Comment


                • #9
                  Lunacie--use Reiki to bring in Light and seal the room with Chokurei. Should work great for you.

                  Elise
                  *~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

                  Resident Beotch


                  It seems some folks confuse "secrets" with Mysteries.
                  The Mysteries aren't secret.
                  They are there for whoever wishes to seek them out.
                  There just aren't any shortcuts.

                  That's the Secret.

                  Don't ask Life to polish you into a jewel and then complain about all the rough treatment!

                  If you're talking shit behind my back - then you're close enough to kiss my ass.


                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I've never studied Chokurei, or even heard of it.

                    I'm very comfortable with the regular group and only took on the leadership because of their support and encouragement. My concern is with a couple of women who are petitioning to join the group. I'm not sure just why I have some concerns about them, but we just don't seem to be communicating with each other well. It's not just that our styles seem to be different because we're an Eclectic group and I loved it when one of the guys led a ritual in Shamanistic style and it was interesting when a couple led a ritual in Correllian style, although neither of those are something that I would do myself. I was really hoping we could find a few new members, but I'm just not feeling like these two are really compatible. Only, I hate to not give it a real chance to see if we can mesh, we've only known each other a couple of months.


                    eta: Ah ha, I just did a Google and I see that Chokurei is something you learn in second level Reiki, but I'm only a first level practicioner. But thanks for the information and suggestions.
                    Last edited by Lunacie; August 15th, 2007, 12:50 AM.
                    ____________
                    If you make a customer happy, he'll tell 3 other people.
                    If he's not happy, he'll tell 20 others.



                    Comment


                    • #11
                      My mistake--for some reason I was thinking you were a Reiki Master... (total assumption on my part-not anything you've ever said to make me think that)
                      Guess we know what they say about assuming. LOL

                      Elise
                      *~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

                      Resident Beotch


                      It seems some folks confuse "secrets" with Mysteries.
                      The Mysteries aren't secret.
                      They are there for whoever wishes to seek them out.
                      There just aren't any shortcuts.

                      That's the Secret.

                      Don't ask Life to polish you into a jewel and then complain about all the rough treatment!

                      If you're talking shit behind my back - then you're close enough to kiss my ass.


                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by ~Elise~ View Post
                        My mistake--for some reason I was thinking you were a Reiki Master... (total assumption on my part-not anything you've ever said to make me think that)
                        Guess we know what they say about assuming. LOL

                        Elise
                        Oh you did? Hmmm, interestink. Very interestink.
                        ____________
                        If you make a customer happy, he'll tell 3 other people.
                        If he's not happy, he'll tell 20 others.



                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Public Ritual: abstain, she will only distract you by drawing attention to her and may hinder your connection to the astral, and possibly make it harder for you to go alpha

                          Coffee Moot: Polite, couteous, but avoid conversation with them if possible, they will just agravate you by going on about thier greatness

                          Public Class: let them make a fool of themselves.. just sit back and enjoy the show... and pray the teacher pulls them aside or gives them a hint that they are not the teacher ..

                          Pagan Pride Day: plenty of other ppl there, mingle away from them...
                          11 Year Member
                          Forum Guide for
                          Astrology and the UFO & Extraterrestrial forums.

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                          • #14
                            Here's my 2 cents, FWIW. My reaction would depend on my role at each of the events. If I'm not leading or in charge of the event, and I haven't been asked for help, I just try to stay away from the problem personality. Its not up to me to step on the toes of the people running the event. Now, if I'm in charge, or have a big role in organizing said event, that'd be different...

                            Public Ritual- Spiritual Predator- while spacing and adjusting the circle to balance the energies, make sure SP is around those who know that s/he is BS and can act as a buffer between SP and others. Bi-Polar person, I'd probably try to put next to overly earth people- very grounded energies might influence her wandering energies. Most of the time, during a public ritual, everything is focused on what is going on in the center of circle, so one would hope that it wouldn't be too distracting. If it did, I would speak with them after circle and let them know that until they can tone down their issues, that it would be better if they didn't come again.


                            Coffee Moot- this one might be a little tougher, since there isn't usually one specific focus. If SP starts to act all overly knowledgeable, and then tries to suck people away from training, my game plan would be to make sure those people have my card in case they need someone else to talk to. BP woman- we'll it would depend on her behavior. If she's distracting, ask her not to come anymore- and be forthright with why. Its hard to not make a moot exclusive, since the purpose usually is to just hang out and have fun- but no one will come if you allow a lot of distractions. Also, if she gets irritating- there's a good chance others will call her out on it.


                            Public Class- It would depend on their behavior. If SP started trying to teach the class or began being disruptive, I would politely refund her money and ask her to leave. If she makes a scene, she's the one that looks like a loser. BP, however might be distracting- you just have to use your teacher skills and quell interruptions. If BP doesn't know that she's gona a G&C problem, you might just want to talk to her about it and see if you can help.


                            Pagan Pride Day- should be big enough that you can avoid them. Though for SP, its probably a feeding ground. Thats tough- because people can get sucked in and power tripped out for you to put back together, but I've found that most people mature enough to learn the craft have a BS/Power Trip meter, and will only stand for so much. Many people in my community have reputations that precede them- for a reason.

                            Thats my input!
                            Ivy Artemisia
                            Twilight Spiral Coven [Site | Facebook]
                            Hearth and Hedgerow [Site | Etsy Shop]

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                            • #15
                              A little more info....

                              Thank you everyone for your ideas and input. I suppose I should really explain more of where I’m coming from. I’m in the process of putting together a pagan organization for my area. Unfortunately, my area has a LOT of bad blood. So the mandate of the new organization is to provide a safe, sane place where bad mouthing of others will not be tolerated.

                              So yes, I will be the organizer/facilitator of those and other events. Thus it will be my responsibility to make sure everyone behaves. What I’m having trouble with is that I don’t’ WANT to play the heavy. I don’t want to have to walk around with a big stick whacking the bad little boys and girls. Ideally, I want to brain storm how I help the individuals at events police themselves.

                              I acknowledge that I will probably have to confront and talk to such people. I’ just looking for a non-threatening way to do that. By “non-threatening” I mean more to the other people gathered then anyone else.

                              So far I’m not coming up with anything more tactful then cuffing people upside the head ^_^;;
                              The Sexy Heathen Babe

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