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How do you connect with ghosts you *want* to see?

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  • How do you connect with ghosts you *want* to see?

    I couldn't find a better forum for this, and it seems a lot of other threads focus on getting rid of ghosts. I guess my question is, if you WANT to connect with the ghost or spirit of someone who has passed on that you knew, how would you go about it?

    I've read a lot of the general information about connecting in your dreams, feeling their presence and so forth, but I was wondering if anyone has methods for reaching out to loved ones who have passed on, who are particularly close?

    In this instance, I am thinking particularly of my boyfriend, who committed suicide last month. I have a number of close items of his (t-shirts he wore that I now wear), a necklace he gave me, and words he wrote me tattooed on my ribs in his handwriting. His mother was very close with him, and has had a few "experiences", but I have only had one: the first night after I found out, I dreamt I was lying on his lap against him, begging him to come back, and he didn't reply - it felt very vivid and different from other dreams I've had of him (quite a lot). I would do anything to hear from him again, and so I've been trying to learn what I can. I've also read a lot of conflicting advice about Ouija boards, mainly that they'd very broad-spectrum and can pick up any spirit, a bit like a spiritual chat roulette, rather than being a specific line to the person you wish to speak to.

    Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated!
    ~ the moon goes dark, and chaos has come again ~
    I was a creature before I could stand
    all this pain is an illusion

  • #2
    Sounds like you got the Kiss of passing or his Kiss of good Bye, basically the same thing just different terms, which is not uncommon. My question though is why would you want to trap his spirit to this earthy dimension and prevent its crossing over? Basically trapping his spirit in an earthly hell where it can't drop the hurts and bindings that caused it to suffer.

    Don't know when he dropped his earthly garb but for many people he's gone into his year of releasing his earthly bonds now and all that is required to cross over. That he was bale to give his kiss of good bye many times means he is at rest with the person and at peace with them.

    I realize this is not the answer your looking for but personally I can't assist in the one if it's only to help hurt the other.


    • #3
      I understand what you're saying; I've thought about that, and I don't want to keep him here, I just wanted to be able to contact him if he is here. I've not heard of the kiss of passing etc.; he didn't kiss me in the dream, only held me and I felt like he was sad that he couldn't come back to me as I wanted but didn't want to say "no" aloud. So, yeah, I don't want to keep him here, I want him to be happy. But if he is here, I wanted to get an idea of if there were ways I could contact him.
      ~ the moon goes dark, and chaos has come again ~
      I was a creature before I could stand
      all this pain is an illusion


      • #4
        I wrote this some time ago for another site maybe it will help you

        Kiss of Goodbye or Kiss of Passing

        Not really sure of the reason but this has come up again on another board so I though I would touch upon it here as well as a new topic.

        I'm not sure what the actual term is called but the way I understand and have come to know it as is "The Kiss of Goodbye" or "The Kiss of Passing". What this basically is, is that final touch or kisses that a departing spirit gives to those it has loved in this life cycle. It may actually be a physical kiss that is placed upon the cheek or forehead of the person being kissed or by some means to let them know they have died. For instance with my grandfather it was the appearance of his coffin upon my bed in the barracks when he died. I saw him in the coffin for just a few seconds but knew at that point that he had died.

        Now sometimes the kiss is not so apparent to us as to realize it has taken place. Many times in those instances we realize it has occurred when we are at the service and have a sense of detachment while we view it. We know loss and sense of their loss but for some reason we also feel nothing. Now that sense of nothing is not to be confused with the deeper sense of paralysis that covers some at the viewing and they are simply unable to release their emotion at that time.

        Sometimes the Kiss of Passing may also come in the form of an apparition of the person that we see as I describe above with my grandfather. Yet other times it is the living apparition of the person that other's see as well and are positive that the person was just there. Not quite as common as other's but it is reported through history as having occurred. One of the most well known examples being the friends and family of Admiral Nelson at his home in England even as he was dying in the battle of Trafalgar. That was his Kiss of Passing or Kiss of Goodbye and seen by a large number of people.

        It is my belief that the phrase to kiss them goodbye and let them go originates from this occurrence. That it has crossed over into the modern world in the sense of kissing someone goodbye when they are leaving our presence and we do not know when we shall see them again.

        I also believe that the Kiss of Passing or Kiss of Goodbye also serves to disconnect our combined spirits. I believe that those we love and are connected to may also feel our passing through that connection. It is a vibration they feel about us and a knowing through that vibration that we are alive. Yet when we pass that vibration ceases to be in an active state and becomes a memory state. In normal situations the connection is simply released as the cord is dropped and we simply have the memories of the person. This is the normal occurrence of events, however it is not the only thing that can or does happen.

        In some situations we so aggressively or passionately cling to the deceased that the cord becomes reversed. What was once a cord that conveyed a sense of their presence then becomes an anchor that holds part of their spirit trapped upon the Earth Plain. Our very love keeping them here and preventing their spirit or soul from crossing the veil and moving on. It is this reverse of attachment and clinging that I believe causes the sensation of thinking that our passed love ones return occasionally to watch over us. A situation not to be confused with uncompleted earthly task or commitment to family by a spirit essence that has chosen to remain.

        Many cultures through out the world have taken various means of releasing the cord once the Kiss of Passing has been given. Some morn for a few days, some for upwards of a year with a spirit house created to house the departed soul. Other's create spirit bodies to house the essence of their ancestor's and keep it as a heirloom to be passed down and used to call upon in times of need. Some release them to the ground but then honor their ancestors annually through ancestor worship and observances.

        Yet regardless of the manner of release it all starts with the Kiss of Passing or Kiss of Goodbye.


        • #5
          Originally posted by katywinter View Post
          I understand what you're saying; I've thought about that, and I don't want to keep him here, I just wanted to be able to contact him if he is here. I've not heard of the kiss of passing etc.; he didn't kiss me in the dream, only held me and I felt like he was sad that he couldn't come back to me as I wanted but didn't want to say "no" aloud. So, yeah, I don't want to keep him here, I want him to be happy. But if he is here, I wanted to get an idea of if there were ways I could contact him.
          There are always ways of contacting the spirit but regarding actually seeing it that is another matter. I suppose I should clarify that with actually seeing it with the waking eyes and directly face on with the clarity of the living.

          But one of the biggest questions is does the Spirit of the departed want to be seen and communicate with you? If it's a fresh departure then it might but as time moves away from the death date you may find that desires lessens unless it has unfinished tasks. Well that or it is earth bound as a self imposed / professed protector for its family. If that is the case then it's a different scenario as the motivations and driving factors are different than a spirit that has simply dropped it's earthly garb.

          However, while there might be a desire to communicate with the living for some there is the lingering echo of pain. They are no longer in physical pain but they remember it like it is real. They carry it with them and that aspect of the flesh has not been stripped away yet so it's dulled but not gone. You see that in some violent ghost encounters where the fear and pain was so great that even though the spirit is separated from the body the pain continues and the spirit is trapped in that pain.

          You can summon and / or trap the spirit but i'd not recommend that aspect. Rather a negative type of practice though you see it referenced in curse magics and such, see it on a lot of defixiones (curse tables) during the roman and Greek periods where a person commands the dead or asks the gods / goddesses (chthonic type) to bring the spirits to do some bidding for them). You can also call or summon, intentionally or unintentionally, by using something that the deceased once owned and held as a strong possession. One of the reason people used to give away all their stuff before they died so no part of their spirit would be earth bound by an earthly object and bound to it. Inversely why family heirlooms at times are seen to hold so much power and connection to certain members of the family as their spirit or fragment of their spirit is attached to the item.

          Because of that connection you can use psychometry at times to "Connect" to both a person's past and to their spirit by holding an object that belonged to them. The more meaningful the item, the deeper the connection to the item the person had. However, connecting to the "echo or memory" is far easier than connecting to the spirit fragment that is associated with it. That and the spirit fragment may or maynot be a full spiritual soul of the person though the thread that ties the fragmet to the person will lead to the person, even if the person has died. But your crossing into necromancy once they've died and different energy.

          Like I said it can be done but the bigger question is "Is your need important enough to do it" and what it will do to the crossed / deceased spirit.


          • #6
            Don;t know if it would help but something else you might find helpful, perhaps not at this moment but later on. I wrote this as a generic ritual / ceremony


            Memorial to a passed family member

            This is just my mind wandering and putting things together so just be for warned.

            If I were doing this I would make a sacred spot in the woods or upon the edge of the woods. Starting at a liminal time I would light a large white candle to represent the spirit and the purity of it. I would place this candle on a raised platform of some sort so it is higher than the ground where I would make a small fire. Since it is in honor and remembrance of a person I would light the fire pit from the flame of the white candle.

            Then I would light a green candle to recall the beauty of their birth and youth as they grew to manhood / womanhood. Remember and recall the things that remind you of him / her from that time. Perhaps write them down upon a sheet to offer to his / her spirit to show that you do recall and think of him / her in the purity of youth.

            Then I would light a yellow candle to mark the emergence of youth and energy as he / she grew to early manhood / womanhood and started upon the road of man. Do the same thing write out things that stand out that are important or show who he / she was and how you viewed him / her as a younger sister / brother. Feed those to the flame as well to let the spirit know.

            I would also light a brown or black candle to show the things that brought him / her down. It should be smaller than the others should be and sat lower down for though they caused his / her demise they still were lesser compared to the things he / she did and the love he / she brought forth. Tell him / her via the flame of paper how you hate the things that brought him / her down but not him / her personally. How they can never mar the greater beauty of his / her youth and shinning light.

            I would light a blue candle to mark the depths of the spiritual unknown and the ripples that will move across the currents of time like a ripple upon the waves. Mark the ripples that will continue and the spirit that is carried forward through the remembrance of him / her, his / her children if any, his / her friends, things that ripple onward and outward like the waves upon a deep set water.

            Set the colored candles just below the white candle for they are the facets of his / her life and spirit. They show the start, the middle, and the physical end yet the continued spectral ripples that move ever outward never fading though they may grow weaker across time.

            While the time of duration does not matter the liminal point opens the gateway to the veil to allow the spirits of your message and intent to cross over and be carried to him / her. That point where day is no longer day and night has not become night.

            Feed the fire but eventually let the flames turn to coals. Add water to the coals in small amounts to create steam and smoke and let the gods / goddesses write upon the steam and bring the images and words to you via the clouds of mist and smoke.

            If you desire feed the candles to the flames of the dying fire to consume and release the energy and memories associated with each phase of his / her life. Yet keep the white candle to hold as a marker in your home and heart of his / her spirit and the presence it holds upon you.

            In the end raise a toast of his / her favorite drink (does not mean it has to be alcohol) and toast to his / her spirit and the life he / she lived and the good things he / she brought forth to those that knew him / her. Leave a small amount to be used as a libation to the spirits of the land and place that watched and learnt of your brother / sister / father / mother / friend and his / her importance to the world.

            Lastly leave the kiss of a tear to mark the spot and the memories. Leave a kiss of tear upon the embers of the flame to be transmuted and carried to him / her in the spirit realm and perhaps the breathe of a kiss upon the smoldering embers to be carried as a remembrance upon the winds and taken to the four corners to convey you message and feelings.

            As an addition you might want to think about a straw man. The white candle would be at the point of the crown or head. The green candle would go at the point of the throat and heart. The yellow would go at the point of the base or groin. The black / brown about the level of the feet. The blue could actually go in a few possible spots, it could be placed upon a hand to mark the exchange and passing of touch, it could be placed just above the head to show the spiritual and ethereal that touches long after we are passed.

            Just off the top of my head so it might touch you or inspire you as the spirit may decide.


            • #7
              Thank you for all your replies. There's a lot to think on here. I'm surprised that more people don't have these questions here - perhaps it's just me!
              ~ the moon goes dark, and chaos has come again ~
              I was a creature before I could stand
              all this pain is an illusion


              • #8
                Truthfully I see these type questions more in paranormal or ghost hunter type groups than pagan type groups. I think on average pagan practices tend not to look at the afterlife in a lot of detail. Many pathways have really broad concepts of the afterlife or avoid the notions of death and crossing over.


                • #9
                  I really feel for you and this might sound harsh but it is the truth. The soul of someone who has passed will only be aloud to speak to the living if it serves a purpose, even the most experienced mediums can't simply summon any spirit the want. I get to see the soul crossover to the next relm myself but that's it.. After a few seconds they are gone.. Sometimes we are lucky to have a farewell kiss on cheek or a wave as they stand at the bottom of the bed..
                  But more often than not keeping contact with someone that means so much to you that you can't touch, hold, kiss isn't allowed because it will be like living in a nightmare..
                  Trust me I know.. I wish I could take away your pain katywinter, but please believe me it's best for both of you that you keep the memories and try your best to move on.
                  I know he will be hoping the same for you..


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Mjolnir View Post
                    .. even the most experienced mediums can't simply summon any spirit the want...
                    That is the hardest part to get people to understand. One concept in modern paganism is that if you can imagine it then it is possible. Yet when it comes to dealing with the spirits of the dead that aspect does not apply. A crossed over Spirit is nearly beyond reach while an earthbound spirit may be reachable. Yet even an earthbound spirit may not realize it has passed into the realm of the dead and considers the living to be the actual ghost.

                    From my perspective and opinion where it gets iffy is a spirit can be fragmented in life. As such parts may linger as earthbound aspects. Unfortunately just my own belief and opinion though shared by a few others a fragment can be created at death by a loved ones grief. They cling so desperately to the deceased possessions and attachments that a part can be torn away and trapped earthbound. We see the majority of the spirit cross over but those shards linger though still attached and those are what will have to be released over the wailing & mourning period. Then like a rubber band that is released they release the tension and the shard springs back to the spirit. Well that's what's supposed to happen but doesn't always happen.

                    Had some interesting debates about what happens to the shard if the person doesn't release it during the wailing & mourning period. Heck had some debates about how long that period is though seems a year to fully drop the earthly garb is about average as a spirit keeper. Though some areas, especially some areas of Asia, they keep Spirit Houses, where the spirits of the dead live and are an active part of the populace and family. So calling upon the ancestors and even recent deceased is common and people are said to be able to raise the spirits of the dead regardless of how long they've laid in the ground. Yeah that sounds like I contradict what I said above but that is a different cultural perspective about death and how the spirit acts after death.


                    • #11
                      The fact that many spirts have been allowed to linger on in the physical world at times sort of proves what we have both said, although thanks for explaining it in depth more. Some people refer to it as having unfinished business, you have explained it as having a part of the soul remain, I simply think of it as it's presence serving a purpose, whether it be an unjustified murder or something that wasn't said in time etc. Nothing breaks my heart more than witnessing 2 soul mates being torn apart all the same. . Strange how love can make us unbreakable and broken at the same time isn't it... I sometimes think if everyone seen proof of the next world for themselves during life that they would no longer fear death. As it is many people claim to believe in the next life but when push comes to shove you can still see the doubts in their eyes, and then once they reach the other side their happy again..guess it's human nature


                      • #12
                        I think the reasons are potentially so various it's difficult to give an inclusive why. Figure revenge, justice, protection, unfinished tasks, not realizing they have passed, trapped by loved ones or others, rare but self refusal to cross. That doesn't even touch upon the cultural and religious reasons that some speculate a spirit may become trapped and earth bound. Figure for many years Christianity for instance believed no body to be buried so the spirit could not get into Heaven or the afterlife. So society, family and religious belief formed an anchor upon the person(s) spirit if the body was lost or unburiable. It wasn't even bound to hell by being buried in unconsecrated ground, there simply was no body, no last rites to be performed over it.

                        Figure is that one of the reasons you start to see a last rites type prayer and such before troops went into battle with the possibility their bodies would never be found? Granted a continuation in many ways from the earlier Roman, Hellene, Norse, etc offerings and such to the gods & goddess associated with war and battle and victory. In some culture's also connected to the Warrior Shaman who would accompany the warrior's and prepare the medicine bags, ceremonies & rituals and the potions that would be given before the battle was engaged. It all aided the Spirits of the fallen to pass into whatever the appropriate afterlife was for the particular people and not leave their spirits wandering the battlefields or trapped between the worlds lost and confused.

                        Regarding death and the afterlife I think most people are not so scared of death itself it's the fear of it being painful and drawn out that they are scared of. Yeah an uncertainty about the afterlife and if there actually is one. If it is going to be what they've been told by their religious beliefs. But again uncertainty does not specifically equate to fear or apprehension about what it is or isn't. But as a society death is not what it used to be. It is something pushed into a corner and pretty well hidden and unspoken of and feared for its approach. In years past it was not always so and people died with their families and in their homes and such so people saw life and death in their communities. Bodies laid in state many times in the same home the person lived in and perhaps even was born in and the whole family was involved. Even the burial was in family cemeteries or small cemeteries that seemed like family cemeteries. Even larger town or city areas were more family focused and neighborhoods than today.

                        Even how we classify spirits is interesting. Most in the pagan community seem to simply say "Ghost" and use it to cover it all. Yet it falls so short, one area I do agree the paranormal and ghost hunters actually do a better job in identifying spirit energies and things encountered.


                        • #13
                          I consider the soul separate from the body, the body is merely a home for it and a way to give it action this much i know not just believe as I have seen it leave both human and animal bodies before. I also know that some souls can leave the body at any given moment and depending on what type of soul it is be able to travel across not just countries but world's and almost certainly have endless possibilities with regards to what can be accomplished..


                          • #14
                            Soul types are an interesting concept to discuss. One theory I read, don't recall where now though, was of the opinion that the so called twin flame or soul mate was actually a split soul fragment. It feels like a perfect union when back together because the two halves when together make a complete whole. Not that the two bodies the parts are inhabiting at the time are actually the perfect match as partners in that incarnation but that the two fragments are balanced and in harmony. A true Yin - Yang relationship where they complement and match strength to weakness. So the loss of the partner fragment is nearly traumatic for the realization of the in-balance state becomes more apparent by becoming aware of its existence. It also ties into one aspect of the idea of a spirit spouse where one exists in the living body while the other exists as an energy form or spirit form after death (or even before birth).

                            Can't think of the name of the people but there is a tribe in Africa where a replica is carved in wood to represent the spirit spouse and the living person is "Married" to the replica and the spirit inhabits the statuary piece. Just don't recall for certain if it's due to the spirit spouse having died or never having been born but the living partner recognizes the marriage and attachment to the other via the statuary partner. The person may actually have a living spouse as well as the spirit spouse that is enshrined in the statuary piece. Then the ritual observances of marriage ceremony, anniversaries, important dates, etc are observed. Darn wish I could recall more of it, might give the OP something to consider as an option to her situation and a means of having her true love as part of her life for all time.

                            From a shamanic perspective the idea of a Spirit Spouse is not uncommon. Though the degree to which the commitment can be taken to can be extreme to outside perspectives. Like physical living spouses Spirit Spouse can be just as demanding and just as jealous or vindictive in their relationship expectations. Have to admit though while I've never had a spirit spouse whose moved into the paranormal realm described as a ghostly lover, I have heard of the situation. There is an older movie titled The Entity about a woman who is basically attacked and raped frequently by a spirit that some claim was either a demon, a spirit spouse / lover or hostile daemon. While the attacks were bad and violent towards her, one aspect I want to point out is that as a Spirit Spouse and extremes is that it took her when it desired where ever it desired. Definitely not the type of Spirit Lover or spouse one would want but does fall into the category and potential extremes.

                            I do agree with the soul and physical body being separate. The only thing I wonder about and even debate about is is the soul layered. By layered I wonder does the soul have a primordial aspect, an animal aspect, basically aspects that mark all the evolutionary stages the human has evolved through? Within the womb our developing body goes through various stages and the fetus resembles different creatures basically. If the soul is present from the very moment of creation and union then it would witness and experience those changes. If it is not injected until the physical meat shell has reached a certain stage then it would not and perhaps might not have those stages present as an influence. But again from a shamanic influence and the process of shapeshifting / shiftshaping I presume the soul is present and experiences those stages.

                            Coming from the shamanic perspective and soul fragmentation I believe that is why it is not uncommon to discover that some fragments are not human when we find them. That or if they are human they are primordial in nature almost proto-human I suppose you could say in their development. That in my opinion is also why I think some spirit manifestations seem animal like in nature but you know they are human or human but almost like your seeing a neanderthal or something. Not to be confused with hauntings or echos such as a battle that is seen over and over or the spirit that is constantly trying to find its way home but can't get there but is doomed to repeat the journey. Those many times are echos you see and hear but can't interact with or things such as Resurrection Mary of Chicago who is a haunt that is forever trying to get home and people do interact with and she responds to them.

                            I do wonder though is our consciousness separate from our soul. I think we can project our consciousness and even have it take on a form perhaps the illusion of mass. Yet that is not projecting our soul as it were. Now does our consciousness perhaps create our tween? That I am not sure of though, if the consciousness can create and project a form and present the illusion of mass then it seems logical, to me anyway, it could be the tween. In such a case then the soul and consciousness would seem to be separate yet joined. That some, perhaps many, seem to be able to project their consciousness while maintaining a conscious state in their physical body and maintain an awareness in both locations to me says the soul resides in one place but controls things. However, I am uncertain of just how much energy there is to control once the physical body has died and can the consciousness be separated from the soul to be projected. Which to me asks the question is the body the battery and power source used to power and drive the consciousness projection aspects employed by the soul and spirit. Thus remove the body, ie battery, and the capability is lost or severely reduced.

                            Boy I think we have derailed this thread


                            • #15
                              I believe I was talking with you about this not long ago with regards to my unique relationship with hel, Its interesting that a few days ago she said, I am so glad you're okay I guess we make a good team after all... cant give the reasons why in public but it's a miracle that iam still alive, and when I was doubting how she felt towards me I got a message saying your stronger together than you are apart.. now for the whole extreme opposites situation. The touch of her soul can bring death as when she took hold of a family members arms to stop them making a bad decision was left with extreme burns and blisters but when I touched her body when my soul travelled to her relm she changed from half dead to fully alive.. The next day I got a message saying.. The touch of your skin giving life from within, which apparently has something to do with the whole astral projection episodes if you remember the unique situation I was describing...
                              I now believe that what has been happening isn't just extreme astral projection but rather my soul leaving my body when it's needed..